Many of you come to the website with similar issues about being a trucker wives. Lonely, bored, worried, concerned, depressed, sad, etc.
You make this statement. "I am so lonely without him here I cry all the time and I just don't know how I am going to make it."
Ladies, we (men) want to feel like the center of your world. You should make him feel like it to a certain degree.
But you don't want to keep beating it in his head that you wish he was there, or worse, you hate his job or how hard it is for you, or that you feel like you are going to die because of it, etc.
It's healthy to communicate that you miss him and love him and never realized how much he meant until now.
Trust me as a man, he will appreciate that and probably surprise you with an heartfelt response either immediately or when he gets home the next time.
It's also important to communicate if you want things to change if that is the case. But do that in a serious conversation about planning for the future. Not every time you talk to him in a nagging sort of way that he is not going to take serious or in a positive light.
There are classes online and perhaps at your local community college, small business center, library could could help you learn life skills, cognitive skills and behavioral improvements as well as pursue your hobbies and interests (which could benefit you AND the family)
As far as insurances, retirement and savings. If he doesn't make sure these things are in place, insist that they are in place for the sake of the family. It will give you a sense of security.
A game plan for the future of the relationships will also help diminish uncertainty.
Yes keeping yourself up does include your looks and your weight. Its a part of being healthy mentally and physically which also affects your self esteem.
You need a life too. One that is not centered around any man in an extreme way. Some of you act as if you are actually going to die because next week and the world is coming to an end.
Have your own goals, your own personal objectives, your own life aside from just being his wife. When you bring that goodness into the relationship it makes you an even better wife which means you're better at keeping him and keeping the relationship alive.
See, I don't mean going out partying. I don't mean developing close friendships with other men. NO. I mean doing something constructive and productive with your time that will help you become a better person, start a business or just pursue some of your own interests.
For instance, any time spent in personal development, time management training, financial literacy training, parental training, meditation, physical training, business courses, freight brokering courses or even ......... courses/groups that focus on how to have better relationships would benefit you and and the relationship. It's a great to stay busy!
Maybe even cooking! Lol. According to the jokes on the CB, some of you need this one. Yeah, guys be talking bout how some of you all can't cook....just joking...
Or...maybe there is a hobby that you would like to pursue in your spare time for fun. Obviously not one that would erode the relationship. Not going clubbing every weekend with single friends or gambling, or going out with the guy from work to sports bars to watch the game. That would be ridiculous.
Maybe you like bowling, table tennis or even playing chess but never had time to do it when he was there. Now you have the time. Plus that is exercise as well!
Seriously, you need to have a life. What if the guy dies tomorrow, what are you going to do, ball up and die too?
No, he wouldn't want that, your kids doesn't need that and your life is not supposed to take that degree of suffering. Also, if he dies will you be able to take care of things. If not, that points out things that you could spend your time on. Because statistics say that men die before women.
Is there life insurance? Kids college money being set aside? Retirement? Wills done? These are things that you definitely should have in place. Do some research on those things. That is time well spent. You should be the beneficiary of his policy and he should be the beneficiary of yours. That way you can college and keep supporting the household and kids college,etc.
You are here to LIVE in spite of all challenges.
Him being gone over the road, death, divorce, job loss, property loss, natural disaster nothing should just drop a person into a state of depression. Seems that many of you would do just that.
So in my mind the thing to do is erase all insecurities. If that is about appearance, health, financial stability, knowledge of day to day operations of the home, parenting effectively, etc.
The way to become more secure is to learn about those things that you feel you are in need of improvement in. That would be a way to become more confident and independent and make you more well rounded so that you don't drain the energy from the relationship and push him away, instead you bring all of that energy into the relationship in a positive and help to make it stronger.
Because the reality is this, any insecurities make you dependent, clingy, needy, whinny, worrysome...etc. It will also make your own emotional state a wreck. (that is what fuels the other behaviors) Obviously these things will contribute to distance in the relationship and leave you wondering why.
Sorry for the real talk but that is what we do here. Let's move on.
(P.S. I also tell the men what they need to be to become better men as well. So I am not picking on you, only telling you what some of you need to be told. This is what I tell the men what some of us need to be told Become a better man)
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Good food and an healthy diet is important while on the road. Regardless of what you have heard, it is possible to be a health trucker.
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