The impact of trucking on the marriage will depend on several factors. Hopefully you did well in choosing your spouse. This means you got married for reasons that matter in a relationship and not some silly, superficial spur of the moment impulse.
I'm just saying! Hopefully, there was a connection. You saw something in her, she saw something in you and it was deeper than lust.
You were on the same page in
that you both saw what you needed in a spouse when you looked at each
other. So you took it a step further. Now seperated by 1,000's of miles you wonder if it was the right decision. Can relationships survive life as a trucker? There might be some challenges but yes it can. Watch the video and read the advice.
Ask questions about marriage and trucking from trucker's wives
Ask questions about marriage and trucker from A Trucker
If you got married for the wrong reasons....it was convenient at the time, money, or because you let lust motivate you too soon, I am afraid you may encounter some more problems in a long distance relationship.
In fact if you already identify with the paragraph prior to this one, I suggest you go ahead and get some counseling now whether you go through with trucking or not because truth is, you probably need to work through some things already.
The separation by trucking may seem to be an escape if one of you are not completely happy with the relationship (which could mean you don't exactly get along well around each other half of the time) but using trucking to introduce space and time apart prolong actually dealing with reality.
It's not going to resolve issues, it's going to cause further deterioration and at a faster paste and 1 or both parties will be unhappy and likely become completely detached and indifferent.
Often this is when 1 or both parties will also consider venturing outside of the marriage.(You need a good Christian counselor)
For everyone else who has a healthy relationship up to this point, there are several things to consider about trucking and marriage and happiness.
Your spouse should be the type of person who has independent qualities. Good self esteem. A strong will. A problem solver. Mature minded. Responsible. She should not be easily influenced by her friends, media, or family. She should be a person with ideas about the future and plans to get there! (lol with you in them, duh)But she also needs to be passionate, thoughtful, and caring so that you will feel appreciated when you return home. This is the kind of woman you want at home waiting on you. She adds quality to a trucker's life!
But what about you? You also need to . . .
To minimize the impact of trucking on the marriage both of you should be constantly trying to improve on your communication (unless you already got that). Don't place blame about misunderstandings, instead have a conversation about how to handle things when or if misunderstanding occurs. Do this, before they occur.
Your spouse should be able to reach you and talk to you about things that affect her during those days you are away from home . (If you care about your marriage) Put yourself in her shoes. By the same token, she should understand that you expect to be able to reach her reasonably. (That's where the thoughtfulness comes in). You need to keep each other in the loop of things and in each other's lives daily so that the physical distance apart doesn't tear you apart emotionally.
Handling The Money
Financial problems are the number one cause of divorce in the United States, what do you think will happen with the impact of trucking added to the marriage. You need to make sure you are handling what you should be handling at home. Trust me, make sure that your spouse is handling what is supposed to be handled at home also. (This is where the responsible and mature part comes in) Sometimes truck drivers find out the money they were sending home wasn't going to the bills like it was supposed to.
By the same token, don't blow your check and leave your spouse to come up with the money for all the expenses at home while you goof off over the road. You'll be wondering why her attitude is changing.
You should sit down together and discuss your financial objectives. (Should have done this before marriage actually, teach your kids this please, it will serve them well, for those of you up on it, I am not talking to you calm down)
Know what is expected of each other. If either of you come up with a problem that keeps you from handling your end of the agreement at the time it is expected you should feel free to communicate with each other about it. You shouldn't hide or neglect it like some couples do.
Wifey if you have some type of compulsive disorder (or anything that causes you to spend money like it grows on trees) let's get that out in the open so it can be addressed before a crisis.
Hubby, if you have an addiction (or anything that causes you to be irresponsible with the funds) let's get that out in the open so it canbe addressed before a crisis.
Listen, if you know you've chosen the right woman and she has those qualities we mentioned earlier then stop worrying. There is nothing you can do from 2000 miles away. Without trust you don't have a marriage. Instead just make sure you treat her right, make sure your doing what you should be doing to take care of home in every way financially, emotionally, spiritually for the most part trust issues will be non existent.
On the other hand, if there are other legitimate reasons that you have trust issues then you want to structure things so that you won't be taken advantage of.
What that means will differ depending on individual circumstances.
For instance, if she's out with her single friends every weekend and you can't reach her, I don't know if I would put all my money in joint accounts, or put the new car in her name or new house . . . you get my drift, don't be blind use your head.
In fact if either of you feel like the other is not reciprocating the love as usual or as in the beginning, I really don't think I would even be creating new bills together yet. That to me seems the beginning stages to some serious problems.
Until the reason for the unbalanced love is figured out why would you make things even more complicated with bills or a baby?
If you and your spouse's personalities compliment each other, then you are ahead of the game. If you and your spouse sincerely enjoy being around each other and look forward to seeing each other then you have the type of chemistry that withstands the challenge's of a the trucking lifestyle.
But take it even further... Be proactive in discussing other things that may come up before hand. Practice putting yourselves in each other's shoes when looking at issues, this will help both of you to make sure you are being fair at how you approach issues.
If you can, one of the best things you can do to reduce the impact of trucking on the marriage is take your spouse on the road with you on the road for a few weeks. This is the best way for her to understand some of the situations you will encounter. Why you can't always answer the phone, why sometimes you may sound like you have an attitude when you really don't (not with her anyway, it's that fool who just cause you to slam on the brake when he cut you off, or the dispatcher left you sitting all weekend instead of making money).
We encounter many situations on the road that can't be explained to someone without the insight of being a trucker. If we try to explain it, it sounds unreal or even like an excuse and not an explanation. If you get your spouse out on the road with you and see gets to see these things for herself she'll understand better.
Impact on the Children
Disadvantages of Becoming A Truck Driver
If you need marriage advice or marriage counseling you really want to get it before trucking becomes a part of the picture. Both of you deserve to to have a fair chance at happiness.
Relationships are the cornerstone of life and happiness and that relationship between a husband and wife should be the strongest each of you are in.
I'm laughing (as always)but it's really not funny when a relationship is infiltrated by a third party. But just think of how many relationships are infiltrated because the person who gave in to temptation did it because their spouse were not attentive and nurturing to the relationship which leaves the spouse lonely and empty. Yous guys, please take care of your relationships and if you have problems, you can get CD's to listen to going down the highway to for good advice and insight for how to build healthy strong relationships and marriages.
Also if you just find AFR (American Family Radio), Bot Radio Network or other Christian talk stations, you will learn core values needed to think in a way that benefits your relationships. Also there are lectures given directly addressing the issue of creating or even restoring the marriage. Other call in shows dealing with relationships will also give you insight as to what causes problems and how to address them. So there is plenty of help out there, use it.
Most people were not raised in an environment where these things were taught or modeling in many cases so don't feel there is something wrong with you needing to gain knowledge to help you in this area. If you were raised in a single parent home (and don't waste time giving me grief about keeping it real, do some research is you have a problem with this statement) you should especially be receptive to listening to CDs or reading about building healthy relationships.
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