How can we possibly get a small glimpse as women into the thought patterns and psyche of men? I once read a book on understanding the difference between men and women. Most of it was true, but how do we, as a single wife, understand what is going on with them as a driver?
Well in this article I do intend on touching on that very subject.
So men are non-emotional? No, not really. What may trigger the emotions of a man is much different than the emotional trigger for women. We, as women, tend to be more emotional. For example we find out that our husbands are NOT going to be home for the week-end and we had company coming in from out of state.
He may get pissy, whereas, we cry. Our disappointment differs greatly in our own reactions to the same situation. It does not mean that your husband does not care, or even that he is mad at you. The most likely scenario here is that he is just as disappointed as you are. However, he also realizes that there is nothing he can do about it, and honestly he becomes angry. This is more due to basic Testosterone verses Estrogen, than the difference in the actual usage of parts of the brain.
What we need to take from this is exactly this. If there was no “emotion” we need then be concerned. If he is pissy, or a bit angry, we need to understand his reaction to the situation, just as your reaction was tears, fit throwing, and disappointment. This should help you a bit in understanding this type of situation. Just because he is angry and yelling at you- does NOT mean he is angry at you!
For the most part, the T v E (testosterone vs. Estrogen) Means that he’s reaction is based on (for the most part) his inability to express emotions the way you do. Think of it like Temper verses Emotion. For a man, anger is much easier to deal with, than tears. We (women) cry much easier, and believe that our men should feel free to express those feelings as well.
But let’s be honest here. If you met your husband, and he was an emotional mess, that cried at the picture of a sad puppy, or a sad movie. What would you have thought? Honestly, not real highly of him. Most likely you would have deemed him “an emotional train wreck” and would have moved on. It is essentially the testosterone that we are attracted to- so I ask you this, why is it that when this part comes out in him now, that it is an issue?
My theory is this. It’s not what he says, it’s what he does. He cannot just drop the truck, and say “Hey I am going home this week-end”, he must stay with the truck, complete his job, and get home when he can.
Difference in how Men and Women define who they are, and how well we are doing!
With all of this said, a HUGE glimpse into your driver is this. We, as women, define ourselves by our home (cleanliness), our children, how well we take care of our husbands and such. We are the caretakers, and this is how we define ourselves by nature. Men on the other hand define themselves by how well they support their family, the income that they make, and keeping up with the Jones. This is so important to realize.
Do you really believe that your husband could hold his head up, making 350.00 a week to support his family in today’s economy? If you are reading this- your husband is not an electrical engineer, or rocket scientist, he is not head of a large corporation, or owns a business that is supporting his family.
I am not going to presume to know your driver, I only know the basics of men in general, and how it fits this occupation.
We often say “boys and their toys”. Well as funny as that sounds, it’s true for drivers. Imagine yourself walking into a beautiful kitchen fully stocked with all the gadgets imaginable, racks and racks of cookie pans, skillets, baking dishes. Then also imagine rows and rows of cook books, herbs, and stocked completely full of everything you could possibly need to prepare a gourmet meal.
If you’re not a cooking woman, then imagine yourself in a room full of crafts, with the ability to make anything you could possibly imagine, and your imagination is your only obstacle. You could feel the excitement when you walk in that room, as you are going through the closets, the cupboards, and checking out all the equipment that you could possibly need for these activities. How about going to Hollywood with an unlimited bank account, and the ability to shop for days and days living like a “Rock Star” and buying what ever you could possibly want!—What a rush huh?
Now with that said, “boys and their toy’s” Can you now understand how the feel of the vibrations of a big rig with its screaming turbo’s, fully loaded options, and miles and miles of open road. I would talk about torque, and horsepower, but do I really need to go into this, to get you to understand one of the most primitive and basic drives in a man?
It is not hard to understand when it is put in such basic steps is it? We have to take the differences in us, and use them to our advantage! Hey I am not saying use your tears to get him home—that will NOT work. But simply understanding the differences can give you a new insight into what he is feeling and when.
Multi-tasking verses 1 tracked thought patterns
It is fairly well known that men are not the best (again, I am not saying ALL!) at multi-tasking. How many times has your husband gone out to pick up something at a friends and you have asked him to pick up (for arguments sake) a bottle of Lemon Juice.
When he gets home 4 plus hours later, he has a bag with 2 lemons in it? We simply sigh, and say to ourselves, “I knew I should have picked it up myself!”
We cannot understand why men just cannot get it right. Well- often enough it is not only our different types of communication, but also our inability to be perfectly clear!
Men have a very hard time on concentration on more than 1 thing at a time. I am not saying in anyway that you need to do it yourself. But things like clear and simple information such as: “It is important to me to know you’re safe, I want you to call me every night when you shut down, that way I do not worry about you.” Is a good way to tell him exactly what you need- Reminding is fine, but do NOT harp. Men shut down emotionally, and stop listening when we approach them with “I thought I told you to call me, why did you not call me, why do you not understand”.
Statements such as this will only prove to backfire. It is of the utmost importance that we start with “I feel statements”. I know, I know, here comes the psychological babble. It will turn out to be a game of round robin in which no one wins. So instead try “I worry so much about you. Please call me when you shut down, I do not care what time it is, I just need to know that you are ok.”
Do not expect this to work every time; it will likely take a while for him to form patterns in which you are both comfortable with.
It is however to be understood, that sometimes no matter what you try he is just not going to get it, the reason for this is---He just simply does not want to get it. At this point, I strongly suggest marital counseling. But with this, you must be willing to change your type/style of communication as well!
Remember, a glimpse into thought patterns, and taking all of this into consideration is a very important part of understanding who he is. There is a reason that he is a driver- with our economy, be thankful he makes what he does. There is a reason he reacts differently to the situations than he does. It is not that he does not care, just the opposite, he is NOT a woman! That is what we have best friends for!
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