Why won't my trucker boyfriend call me when he is OFF the road, at home?

by Elaine
(Pittsburgh, PA)

Ok,we are both in our 40s and actually went to high school together, so it's not like we're perfect strangers. We talk on the phone for literally HOURS when he is on the road or waiting for a restart. But when he goes home, which is once every 2-3 months, I don't hear from him.

My first reaction is to think he has another woman there, but he says he stays with a male friend and his wife and I have found this to be true. They take care of his dog for him and his possessions are in storage. (There was a girlfriend who died suddenly about 4 years ago, and he never settled in anywhere--I have also found out this is true)

A couple months ago he brought up the idea of he and I moving in together in the Pacific Northwest, where he stays (I am in PA), and I am in full agreement and eager to do so, but I am also afraid because this is going to be a MAJOR life change for me. It will be very expensive, for one thing, because I will be hauling my possessions and pets, including horses.

Also, I will need to find a decent job (I'm college-educated) and a place to live. He says he will go look at places I find on the internet and check them out as far as housing goes; also, he says he'll pay the rent or mortgage, whatever we decide to do to get settled in.

So back to my big question: When he is "home", it's usually just for a weekend, and then he gets a load--but he doesn't call me or answer his phone. So, IS there another woman or is this just his way of relaxing and getting away from all aspects of trucking for a while--kind of like a mini-vacation?

Kind of like being in his "man cave"? I don't know whether to trust him and just ignore it, get angry, or just feel hurt. The problem is we're talking about a MAJOR life change for me, and I just don't know....

Please, any advice is much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

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Jan 23, 2011
Thanks, Jeff from Texas
by: elaine

we have a great relationship when he is on the road; we talk about everything from our school-age years and people we knew to past romantic adult relationships we had...just everything.

You guys (and gals) have probably all done this already, but we even have fun by me watching live-stream webcams on his routes while we are on the phone together. he tells me when he's coming up on a mile-marker when I'm watching and he either waves at the camera or flashes his lights at the right moment. just silly, fun things like that to stay "close" while he's on the road.

I am pretty much distant from my family and all my friends have moved away, so I think I'd be ok living out west alone--sure, it would take some adjustment though.

I just don't want to end up looking like a jackass if he is a master at deception and has a woman already and that's why I don't hear from him at those particular times I mentioned in my first posting.

Jan 23, 2011
you need total confidence
by: Jeff from Texas

You will need to know surely that this is what you want to do. I did a long distance relationship from Michigan to California and woohoo I am now in Texas!I moved for her and lived in Vegas and then after a few years we decided to move here and we got married.

I don't know if where you are living you have your friends and family. Once you move away from all of that and you live out west you will be away from literally everyone and everything you know for a boyfriend who you only see once a month. You need to be 100 percent sure this is what you want to do. communication is the biggest key in a long distant relationship and it sounds like this isn't the case in your relationship but I may be way off and you have a great relationship.

I really don't want to steer you the wrong way when you may have a great relationship. Maybe you could ask him why he doesn't answer his phone on his time off. Maybe you can take a trip out there on his next time off. I would not just jump in and move over there.

I do want to say I am happy that I moved away but I also regret it. When I left Michigan my oldest nephew was 12 he is almost 21 now and I have only seen him once and that was last year for Christmas.

I miss my family and friends and all of my favorite restaurants back home and all of my old coworkers and the snow and all the snow sports but I also love the life I am building now.

Good luck to you. I hope all the best for you and your trucker :)

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