by Feeling Worthless
My husband has been a trucker for over 20 years, and we have known each other for 9 of those years. He is getting very frustrated being out on the road, but he says he can't do anything else because he is 45 years old and trucking is all he knows how to do.
A lot of the time his frustration get taken out on me, because I am a stay at home mom. He says all he does is work so I can take the money. He gets angry because he is the only one bringing in money (although I do have a cleaning job I do once a week that brings in a little cash).
He gets upset when I ask for money to pay for household bills. A lot of the time I am afraid to ask him or talk to him about money issues, because I always get accused of "stealing" his money. He says that he is not the only adult in this marriage, and it is not solely his responsibility to come up with money to pay bills.
I know that he is not the only adult in this relationship, but a few years back I had some health issues and lost my job. After that we decided that, as our son approached school age, that I would stay at home and homeschool him. Even though this is what we decided together, he is not happy because I stay at home. That is why I got the cleaning job. But, that is not enough, and especially now because my hours have been cut.
Even when I did have a job it wasn't enough because I didn't bring home as much money as he did.
I love my husband, but I get tired of constantly being accused of stealing his money, or being called names by him. He says I am selfish, and I only think of myself. He says he constantly does nice things for me, but I never do anything for him. He does do nice things for me, and I would love to do nice things for him, but I don't usually have any money to reciprocate.
He feels I just sit at home and do nothing, even though I homeschool our son, take care of the bills, take care of the house and the yard, do paperwork for the truck, etc. Is my life at home hard, no, but it isn't like I don't do anything.
Money seems to be a big problem for us, too. He conveniently forget when we spend money on something, and then I get accused of spending the money. He says we have to get a grip on our spending, but then when he's at home he spends money like it's going out of style. I'm not saying he can't spend money, but when he has just been saying we need to save money, it gets a little frustrating. Then if I say anything, he gets angry. He put me in charge of the bank accounts and bills, but then gets mad when money is needed for something, or if something is said about needing to move money around because of spending.
(We had an instance of that today - all I told him was that if anymore money was spent out of one of our accounts money would have to be transferred from another account to cover things, and he got mad.)
Maybe I am being selfish. I don't know. He seems to be upset most of the time that I'm around. There are days I consider leaving, but I don't. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment.
I know his job is hard and he has made a lot of sacrifices for us. And I'll admit, I don't think I could do what he does. I wouldn't have the stamina. I would just like to feel like I don't make his life miserable.
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