Trying to manage my trucker being gone 4 weeks at a time!

I am not yet a truckers wife but I hope to be one within the next year or so. Anyway, my boyfriend is a long distance driver. He and his male co-driver take turns at the wheel. My guy is the night driver.

It makes it harder on me that he drives at night because I know he's sleeping all day and I cant call him unless I have to. So he will usually call around 9pm and we will talk for a couple of hours. This communication is why our relationship works. I look forward to his evening calls and he has never missed a night. The one thing that is awkward for me is that his co-driver is usually up for at least an hour during our conversations and can hear my boyfriends side of the entire convo.

There's very little that his co-driver doesn't know about us. However, I know there's nothing that can be done about that but it is weird.
My boyfriend is gone for 4 weeks and home a week. 4 weeks is a long time. There are times when he will get to restart at home or even just come home for a night but I never know when this will happen. When it does it's a nice surprise but it's not something I can count on.

Here's my personal difficulty....a day or two before he leaves the sadness kicks in. It will last for several days after he's gone too. These days are very hard for me. I try to distract myself as much as I can but the truth is just better when he's home. So how do I cope better when he's gone?

He's a great guy who has taken on supporting my kids from a previous marriage. He has also given me full control of our finances. This has been such a nice change from my previous relationships. I also work, so what sucks is when he's home for his week I still have to work.

Anyway, here are my struggles that I could use advice about:
-Coping with him being gone better
-trying to not be jealous of all the time he spends with his co-driver. Even though his co-driver is a guy I still get jealous.
-sometimes I feel like him being gone bothers me more than it bothers him

I love this man and I'm not going anywhere but I have got to manage my sadness better when he's gone.

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Dec 13, 2015
Thank you for the advice NEW
by: Anonymous

Thank you for the advice. I do believe that I will learn to manage being away from him so much better with time. I do get very lonely and I miss him all the time. I know he misses me too and that he shows it differently. I am definitely more emotional and have a more "needy" personality. He knows this which is why he communicates so well from the road.
As far as our long-term goals are concerned...I know he will be on the road for years to come. So this is something I must learn to cope with. I do need to focus on the positive and stop dwelling so much. He is a great guy who works hard. Is it bad to tell myself to stop thinking about him so much when he's gone? If I did that, maybe I wouldn't miss him so much. I do believe that the only person more bad ass than a trucker is a truckers wife or girlfriend in this case.

Dec 11, 2015
If your husband is a Team Driver... NEW
by: Anonymous

... trust me when I say; "IT WONT LAST!"

He must work for one of those "First-timer" companies like Swift, England, CRST or Schneider.....

He won't last long there

He can get a local job once he gets his experience

You stated that you "hope" to be a trucker's wife

If this is so, then I guess everything should be cool with you ....

unless you don't consider this job to qualify him as a "trucker"

You may "think" that you want him home, but until you have kids maybe it's better this way....

Dec 11, 2015
How to Manage Your Sadness
by: Hervy

Sound like you are well on your way. Although the sadness strikes you, you are aware that it is only part of the story. You pointed out many positive things about the situation.

That is what you focus on. The reason behind the temporary separation and how it is part of a bigger journey for the relationship.

There is the area that could use attention. The journey and destination for the future. If you and him haven't done so, decide what you want the future to be like 5 years from now.

Will he still be driving? If not, how? What will replace the income? That can be the focus in spare time right now instead of focusing on the separation.

There is not magic solution to eliminate the emotions. It is a process. However, one way to better cope is to strengthen your faith in it being temporary. Have a definite goal and plans for a different situation in the future.

If that is what you both want.

Remember, we control our minds, don't let circumstances control it.

That goes for feeling jealous as well. Tell yourself it is not an empowering mindstate. Replace those thoughts with something better. You don't have to allow that to keep roaming around in your mind.

About him not being as sad about leaving as you.....That is your opinion. It may be inaccurate so don't waste time letting that assumption affect your happiness.

Many men just don't express that type of thing as much as women do. If you talk for hours each night that really says a lot to me about him missing you or at least loving to have you near. Many guys don't call each night and don't stay on the phone that long. lol.

My advice is to relax. I would suggest to also read or get an audiobook about nurturing relationships though. That is just something which will help you to be proactive in keeping things interesting and alive. What you learn will also be substance to create an even stronger foundation for the relationship which by default increases faith in it.

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