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THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT

by BARBARA METTS
(WILLACOOCHEE GEORGIA)

I RECENTLY SUBMITTED AN ARTICLE ON MY LIFE AS A TRUCK DRIVERS WIFE. I HAVE TO ADMIT IT IS NOT VERY ENCOURAGING TO ANYONE THINKING OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRUCK DRIVER AND YES I KNOW IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH, BUT IT IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WORLD OUT THERE,A WORLD WHERE NO-ONE KNOWS YOU OR YOUR SPOUSE, SO ANYTHING GOES.

A PERSON IS TOTALLY FREE AND AT TRUCKSTOP IS LIKE A DEN FOR SODOM AND GAMMORA, WHERE A PERSON CAN FIND ANYTHING THEY WANT AND PLAY RUSSIAN RULET WITH THEIR LIFE AND YOURS AND THE BIGGEST THREAT IS SOMEWHERE ONE DAY THEY JUST MIGHT STAY GONE TOO LONG AND FIND SOMEONE THAT SPARKS THEIR INTEREST MORE THAN YOU,

ONE OF MY CO-WORKERS WAS A DRIVER IN THE PAST AND HE KEPT TELLING ME THESE THINGS AND I HAD MENTIONED IT TO MY HUSBAND AND HE WOULD ALWAYS SAY'' NO'', THAT IT ISN'T LIKE IT USED TO BE. I AM NOT GIVING UP I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO PLEASE IF YOU PRAY, PRAY FOR MY FAMILY AND IF I HAVE OFFENDED ANYONE BY ANYTHING I HAVE SAID , I ASK THAT YOU FORGIVE ME, I AM JUST STATING THE FACTS AS I SEE IT. HEARTBROKEN AND THROWED AWAY

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Jan 24, 2010
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THANKS SO MUCH
by: barbara

A SPECIAL THANKS TO JEN AND KEITH FOR YOUR ADVICE,AS I TOOK A LONG LOOK BACK . REGRETABLY I COULD SEE SOME OF THE THINGS YOU BOTH STATED.I WILL TAKE YOUR ADVICE,AND BY THE GRACE OF GOD ,WITH ALOT OF ONE ON ONE WITH MY HUSBAND, WE WILL MAKE IT AND YES I KNOW THE ONLY PERSON, I CAN CHANGE IS MYSELF.I TALKED ABOUT IN THE PAST GETTING MY CDL'S, I GUESS IT IS TIME TO BUMP THAT UP A KNOTCH, AGAIN THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH AND PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR MY FAMILY. BARBARA

Jan 24, 2010
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I agree with my husband
by: Jennifer S

I do not know that I can add much more than what both Hervy, and my Husband Keith have added. Look if your husband is having an affair, it is NOT because he drives a truck for a living.

Unfortunately the cold hard facts are, that the main reason drivers and their wives have a significantly high rate of divorce is the inability to communicate, and meet each others needs. But that is Humanity wide. The odds raise a bit here, because usually the woman is miserable in what her husband does. Its a vicious cycle she is not happy, she nags, bitches and complains. he does not call because of that- they grow apart, and neither are willing to give.

I do wish you the best Barb, but you have to START with you- whether or not your marriage survives you need to start working on YOU first, then worry about him second.

I would suggest you join our facebook group. You may find that there are many women, just like yourselves...Unless you are currently seeking a divorce, there is still hope for your marriage.

At this point- it is all totally up to you.

Jennifer S

www.facebook.com/Truckers.Wives

Jan 24, 2010
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Help is needed
by: Keith S.

Barb,
First let me say this,I too am a trucker. But I,unlike Hervey,am married,and totally comitted to my wife and best friend in the world,Jen. Look,i know the stories are out there,and i know that if you are in the wrong location,the possibilities of the things ya talk about are true,but like Hervey, in the last month i have stayed in truck stops,in fact i am shut down for the weekend in a Petro in southern Virginia as we speak,and in the last month,have not seen a lot lizard either. Ok,look,if a man is the type to associated himself with things like that it has nothing to do with his occupation. There are stories all the time of men,and women by the way,married,with 9 to 5 jobs,at home every night,having affairs on their significant others. What im trying to say is this. dont just assume that because your husband is on the road means the marriage is doomed,because its not. My wife and i have a very good marriage,and i am devoted to her. In fact,if you need to hear from some wives who can truly tell you,check out the wives support group either here or on their facebook page. there you will get real women,all of whom are married,engaged to,etc , truckers. remember this,the key to a healthy relationship,is communication,honest,open communication. NO GAMES, NO ACCUSTIONS, NO HEAD GAMES. Communication with your husband,him with you, and the two of you with professionals trained to deal with relationship issues. Best of luck to the both of you,i hope you get to the communication you with your trucker,its very important.
Keith

Jan 24, 2010
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Your welcome but oes your husband tell YOU that?Part 1
by: Hervy

Barbara, There is no doubt that being a truckers wife is stressful and somewhat depressing for the wrong type of person. Throw on other issues at home and nearly anyone could feel overwhelmed.

This is the danger zone.

Listening to your co worker (who I am sure cares a lot about your relationship with your husband)is not a good idea. Talking to your Co worker about your husband is not a good idea. If you need to talk about your relationship it should be to a counselor or a mature friend with common sense and an objective, logical thought process.

If you let your disappointment with your husband's job force you to interact with him in a certain way it could push him away. Then there is an cycle of you feeling like he's becoming distant and so you act even more strange toward him and of course that pushes him away and well you see the destructive pattern.

Obviously I don't know if that is the case I am throwing that out there you to reflect upon to see if it resembles the beginning what you are experiencing now because it happens.

That clown at work has put in your mind that every trucker was like him. And every truckstop was like the one he sought out. I am at the truck stop now.

There are no women out here or nothing else equivalent to Sin City, neither was it present last night at another truck stop or the night before. In fact I haven't seen a lot lizard in 2 months at least, (heard one about 2 weeks ago). However I know that if I go up further to the T/A in Jessup Md there are probably some.

As far as what we do on the road....well, here I am sleepy sitting on the computer trying to help you in your relationship instead of up at the T/A. (And I am a single man, might I add)

Writing, as I do most nights, while some other drivers do the same and others, call their wives, others, sit up and watch movies all night.

Fact is, being a truck driver is not what make a woman's husband a poor excuse for a man. Also a good man is not all that is required for a good relationship. Both people must be the type of person the other person want to be in a relationship with and that is just for starters.

You know your husband and your co worker doesn't, talk to your husband about the problems you have with him and if his attitude is not inline with what a you deserve, talk to objective people to make sure your perspective and assessment is fair and then make some tough choices on what you will do next.

Jan 24, 2010
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Your welcome, does your husband tell you that? part 2
by: Hervy

Venting online will online provide very short superficial immediate gratification.(Posts like the one you just did) What you are going through is serious.

Check yourself (your attitude, make sure you are not pushing him away because of your assumptions of what he is doing)if you need adjusting try it and see what happens, if you don't need adjusting you should interact with the ladies here for positive online support and seek marriage counseling services from church referral or woman's organization that is know for actually caring about the people they serve.

Good luck hope to see you around here more
Hervy

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