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Need Advice About Dealing With A Spouse Being Gone Over The Road

by krystal
(lenoir, north carolina)

Hi, my name is Krystal, n im starting out in the world of a trucker's wife, i have been in it for about 6 months now, n it doesn't seem to be getting easier.

i tried getting him (my fiancee, to work a normal job but that blew up in my face, he didn't even last 2 weeks b4 he said he was going back out on the road. i said OK i have to be supportive.

i been trying to do everything i can to stand strong, to hold on, and hang in there but i don't know if i can do it. i cant sleep anymore, which sucks because i have a sleep disorder and the lack of sleep is really starting to mess with me, and my condition.

I feel depressed none of my friends understanding what i am going through. It is hard to do the simple things having to pay all the bills, and maintain the house. To simply laugh or even smile has become a task. I am not sure if i can handle being away from him for long periods of time.

I don't understand how there are some woman that have been doing this for years on end.

Please ladies help me, give me advice, give me some strength as to how to handle the feeling of being lost, and alone!

I don't even know what else i can say, i just need advice and i just want to thank anyone that responds ahead of time ur comments and advice, for taking the time to leave me a few words!!!

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Nov 03, 2011
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me too...
by: Brigit

I understand what you are going thru and I think that's what a lot of us need, just the understanding of women in similar place. My bf has driven truck for about 5 years and we have been together about a year now, I was able to go out with him (even tho we aren't married - at least you have that advantage) and it helped A LOT. I saw what he goes thru - the pressure, boredom, waiting, food choices, etc. and got to see the country and get some great pictures. It brought us together and made a bond that I hope will last for a long time. I had been unemployed for about a year and a half and found a FT position so in July it ended me going out with him (it was Feb - July 2011), so it's been rough now to have to stay here in MN and he is out all over the country, but when he's somewhere we've been (like Charley's in VA or Big Cabin in OK) I feel a special thrill - I would recommend it. My sister just started taking medication to sleep, I get insomnia here and there (and had it on the road a bit - that sucked) but encourage you to find something that helps, you have to sleep. The thing about trucking is that you spend SO MUCH time in the truck - it's like a jail cell, but you live there - we never fought and remarked about it, it's a SMALL space and down time is the worst, you eat and watch tv, but are itching for a load and to get moving again. I am tearing up thinking about it (I am hormonal and it's the worst time for me to not have him home. I cried myself to sleep last nite) - he is on his way from MS to MI right now, so Sat he'll drop his load and MAY be coming home, never know, he needs the money, but it will be a week then and I'd love to see him as soon as I can, but don't get excited until I KNOW he's about here. Breakdowns happen, we got stranded in KY and I had to wave traffic to the other side of the highway while he is siphoning fuel out of a tank to put it in the other - I was so thankful I was there, but it's a life of unknowns and it's a rocky, yet wonderful to know he is coming back road. Good luck!!!

Oct 23, 2011
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It's hard but will get easier
by: Anonymous

My husband has been a trucker since our oldest was 1 year old. Now he is gone for 2+ weeks at a time and I have a 7 and 4 year old to boot. We spent a lot of time together before he was a trucker and a the breaks make the heart grow fonder. If you are in a new relationship and still have that puppy dog love that would be hard. But we have been together for 10 years and know we are meant for each other and are very comfortable with this arrangement. I wish he wasn't gone so long because the kids want to see him, but that the life of a truckers wife.

Oct 13, 2011
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about dealing with aspouse being gone over the road
by: Ginny

It takes a long time to get used to it,it will get better and going out over the road with him if you can is a good idea.It will give you a idea of what he gose throught every day. It was very hard for me to come off the road,I loved the freedome.I would still be over the road if it was not for my oldest son. I have been off the road for five years and it is hard. But now it has been even harder for me becuse my husband is the one out over the road and gone all the time. But hang in thier and give it time. I don't know if you work, but it is not easy,being away from our loved one.Just make the best of it when he is home. It is hard on him too, to be away.. Try to find things to do. There are alot of us wifes out here that have been in your shoes,and there will be alot more.

Oct 07, 2011
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advice
by: Anonymous

Well it is something that is in your blood. I dought you can change him. Because it is the independence. I drove for sixteen until I got hurt and cannot drive no more. And I miss driving every day. But my wife likes me at home. But I hope I can go back to driving someday. I am just not happy being at home. Still want to go back to driving.

Oct 07, 2011
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One more thing (part 3 of getting used to a truckers lifestyle as a truckers wife)
by: Hervy

Your Welcome Krystal,

One more thing I forgot...

If your able to ride with your husband...do so.
And do it as soon as possible because you never know when things will change.

Some companies allow it and some don't. Some charge a fee to do so and some don't. You may have to sign an insurance waiver or be added to a policy. Or...you may not.

So don't think any of it is strange if they say these things are required.

The benefit of doing this is so you have better insight of what is like to be over the road as a driver. That way you are more able to understand when he describes this, that, and the other (his day) in your future conversations which enriches your communication.

Being clueless as to what he is talking about leaves gaps in communication that can easily lead to loss of interest or the inability to show interest which leads one person or the other to feeling like it's a waste of time to describe or explain the days activities.

This is why some truckers don't talk about what is happening, it's pointless if you don't have a clue what he/she (the trucker) is talking about.

Especially if you show no interest, and it is easy for you to show no interest if you are clueless as to what he/she (the driver)is talking about....

lol, (not funny really) so as you can see that is a vicious cycle that can easily exist and it can easily eat away at the relationship which is already burdened by the distance apart. Creating yet more distance and the next thing you know, each are wondering why the communication barrier.

"What happened?" The wonder.

So if you can go, (doesn't even matter if you want to go or not) then you should go.

Ideally 2 or 3 weeks should allow you to experience enough of the variations in a truck drivers life that help you when he describes his day.

Again, bottom line summary....

Riding with your trucker is a proactive measure that will help you to stay connected though you are apart by enhancing the communications while over the road.

Take care,God bless
Hervy

Oct 07, 2011
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Thank you!!
by: Krystal

Thank you so much for your comments, its helped alot, it gave me quite a bit of information i didnt know about in just a few paragraphs, it means a lot to know someone out there is familiar and is listening and most of all responding i will be soaking everything in and figuring it out and will, post my progress, thank you and god bless all!!

Oct 07, 2011
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(Part 1)Getting used to the trucking lifestyle as a truckers wife
by: hervy

Part 1

Hi Krystal,

I don't know if 6 months is long enough that you should worry about not getting used to being a trucker's wife. It may just take a little longer for you. One thing real quick that may give you something to look forward though is this....

After your husband gets a year in, he should be able to find a job that allows him to be home most weekends.

Especially since you guys are in Lenoir. The furniture companies their generally run you out and back in on the weekend to pick more furniture to go out for deliver during the week.

This is a little different than most regular freight haulers where you may stay out going from one place to the next for weeks at a time which is probably who is with now. So that is what you can look forward to after his year in.

That should give you some strength to hang in there. Oh, not to mention his pay will be a little higher.

Now, let's see what we can do to cope in the meanwhile.

Determine what exactly is it that keeps you up at night? Is it that you miss his companionship, the security of having him around, trust issues, etc. If you can determine that, you can better try to counter that.

If it is his companionship, maybe you can Skype or conference with other web applications more often or before you go to bed at night.

If it is a sense of security that you have lost with him being gone...maybe you could get a pit or install ADT or buy a shot gun to help you feel more safe since he is not around.

If it is trust issues...maybe you two could talk openly about how you would handle yourself under temptation. Or why you are together and what your plans for the family are. When will you have kids. Will you stay in Lenoir, etc.

Or if there is specific reasons for trust like cheating, maybe counseling would help to cope with that.

If it is uncertainty about the future, what I mention earlier would help but how about when he gets in you go over your specific plans for 20 yrs. Set goals from budgeting, saving, family planning, and even potential business ventures or training that will enable him to transition out of the truck and come back to the house where he could do something he likes for work.

There are many opportunities now to start your own business or get trained in less than 2yrs for high paying jobs in IT or Network Security or Personal Training, or Diagnostic Medical Sonography or Medical Coding and many others.

Take a look in the community college for their quick jobs programs or certification programs.

If you spent your free time taking one of these programs it would occupy your mind plus assist with the savings so his transition from over the road is successful in the future.

So these are some thoughts and ideas that really try to solve the single wife blues in a core sustaining way.

Part 2 next submission...

Oct 07, 2011
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Getting used to the trucking lifestyle as a truckers wife
by: Hervy

Part 2

As far as emotions and coping methods that soothes the heart... People are the key. Join the ladies here and even local womans empowerment meetings to help you there in Lenoir NC to build meaningful relationships with women who will understand at least some parts of what you are going through.

For your sleep disorder, try GNC and ask for something to help you rest at night. They will recommend natural products that may help. Last resort could be a sleeping pill if you drained from consecutive nights of lack of sleep. Your body NEEDS to rest so it may be necessary at some point to assist it if you can't get sleep naturally.

Best of luck and hang in there. It will get better. Continue to be proactive in dealing with this and stay positive, I think you will be just fine.

Hervy

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