My boyfriend says he loves me but treats me like crap. It's stressing me.I don't know what to do/say. Any advice for a trucker's girlfriend

by Chris

I'll try to make this short. I have been with my bf for 4 months now. When we first met, he drove for an outfit where he was home every other night. Which was fine and worked for us. I had a night to do what I wanted, then we typically spent the other evening together visiting his friends or having dinner.

Well about 2 months ago he starting driving for another outfit where he's gone about 5 nights in a row. I can deal with that. Its not always fun and I miss having someone to talk to every night. I'm an only child, so I can deal with being alone and entertaining myself, so that part is fairly easy for me. We don't have any kids at the present.

But the problem is when he's home he wants to work me to death. I try to do all I can for him while he's gone, I get all I need to get done at my house while he's gone. But he's very bosey, its not "will you help with this" or "do you mind helping with that", its "go do this", etc. And he doesn't understand that I have a lot of stress with my new job, that weekends are my weekends too and that I need to be able to unwind.

I don't feel I get any respect or appreciation for anything while he's gone. I'm a very faithful person, I don't talk to anyone else. I work very hard at my job and getting things done outside of that. He seems to hold against me that I'm home every night and thats not fair.

He applied for this job and got the job which is great, but unfair that he holds it against me that I'm home and he's not. And lately when he is home, he's got a crappy attitude with me. For all the 10 things I do right, he still finds one thing wrong to yell at me for. And I don't understand it. There is no slack.

I want him to be respectful of me. He doesn't realize that its hard for me sitting home alone all the time and wanting him around to talk to about my day. And what makes matters worse, he never asks me about my day or how my week went or anything. He seems very self-centered and that my life should stop when he's home.

I spend all my time with him when he is home, but the other part of the problem is, he always wants me to drive him around so he can visit friends and drink to the point of being way too drunk. I hate missing him all week, just to spend a day and a half with him drunk and with friends all the time.

He doesn't understand that I need him alone sometimes without the beer. I don't drink at all and I need that sometimes.

He got drunk Saturday night and said some awful things to me before passing out and I left and went home. I can't lie there in bed with him, if he's going to talk to me that way. Its now Monday and he won't respond to any of my texts and its driving me nuts.

I sit here, not knowing whats going on, or where we stand or anything. I don't like having a fight and then him going on the road and heaven forbid something were to happen to him. I couldn't live with that.

He tells his friends all the time how great he thinks I am, and how he thinks I'm the best thing thats ever happened to him and that he loves me to death. Problem is, he doesn't really treat me that way or tell me when he is home.

I'm feeling taken forgranted and underappreciated and not loved. I want him to talk to me, but he won't respond. ANd what happened Saturday, he was in the wrong, not me. I would admit it, if it were. But he's so danged hard on me.

He says I'm almost perfect, but I need a little tweaking. I feel like everything I try to do, he's going to find something wrong with it and I get over paranoid about everything. I'm losing confidence in my self. I'm not an idiot, I was just recently offered a position at my company where I'm now a supervisor and right now I'm in the learning process and its very stressful for me sometimes.

I try to talk to him about it, bc he used to have his own excavating business and he knows how to handle employees etc, so I look to him for advice, but he never wants to talk about my day or week.

I just feel like I can't please him, no matter how hard I try. He tells me all the time that he's a hard man to get along with, but when he's sweet, he's sweet. I just need it more, especially when he's home.

I wish he'd see me trying and appreciate it, more than slam me for when I'm wrong. See that I'm trying and acknowledge that. I'm of the type of personality, where if someone rides my butt about something, it just makes me shut down. I don't do well that way.

Give me some positive reinforcement and I'll strive to do better. But yelling at me, just makes me more paranoid.

Not sure what to do here, does anyone have a similiar siutation and how to deal? I lost so much sleep late Saturday and Sunday night and its making me literally sick to my stomach, bc he won't answer me. Its not like him to not talk to me.

I know that message was kinda all over the place, but I'm kinda venting, since I can't vent anywhere else and he won't talk to me. He says were together and were together for the long haul. If so, then my shut me out and act like a 4 year old by ignoring me??

Thanks in advance for any advice you have.

Comments for My boyfriend says he loves me but treats me like crap. It's stressing me.I don't know what to do/say. Any advice for a trucker's girlfriend

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Jan 28, 2017
He Won't Change NEW
by: Sweetooth

Free yourself!!! Life is too short. He has issues that need tissues!

Jan 27, 2017
He is manipulating or in denial about his behavior
by: Hervy

Based on what you have said, I would say either he is intentionally trying to lower your self esteem to control you. (Emotional abuse)


He is unaware of what he is doing. (It's Possible don't really know how likely) Sounds like he is miserable with new job and being away. So that could have something to do with him not seeing his own attitude.

Options for addressing issue

You have already talked to him. I don't know if you have given him examples of his behavior toward you. You should.

Tell him you have had it. If he can't show effort in trying to improve his behavior you are not going to be around to deal with it.

Suggest he find a job that operates the way he prefer if that is what is making him unhappy.

Either way, you are not going to stay in a relationships being treated like trash. Tell him you are a good woman, an asset to any relationships and you will do fine as a single woman until someone worthwhile comes along.

My 2 cents.

Nov 21, 2016
This is wonderful testimony that i must share with you all


I'm so excited share this testimony, i sincerely hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line.i will never forget the help the Great Dr Ahmed Utimate render to me in my marital life. i have been in relationship for 4 years now and my boyfriend and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our relationship my boyfriend suddenly changed, he was having an affair with a lady outside, i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day she pick up his things and left me and the pregnancy, At this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my boyfriend and my relationship too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony.

To my greatest surprise my boyfriend came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive he, i ask him to get up from is knee that i have forgiven him. Friends your case is not too hard for the great Dr to harder, my life is back into shape i have my boyfriend back and we are happily married now with a baby boy and i have my job back too.

This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world, the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help

Dec 11, 2014
Passive Aggresive man
by: Anonymous

He is a passive aggressive man. Run run run!!! That's what i did. After 4 years of marriage, I came to my senses. Read about "Passive Aggressive" behavior & read about the narcissism.

Then run, don't look back!

Nov 29, 2013
by: Anonymous

I feel exactly the same way... If you got any insight let me know....

Jan 14, 2013
by: Anonymous

going through the same and i just cant help but connect with you and i think u shud leave him coz u deserve better..

Oct 26, 2012
Emotional Abuse
by: Anonymous

All of these stories all have a common thread - your man is emotionally abusing you. He is manipulating you, making you question your own judgement, withholding communication as a form of control and manipulation, and putting you in your "place" / punishing you when you do something wrong in his eyes.

I was with a man like this for 4 years and only realized recently that all of the crazy behavior, the fighting, me trying everything in my power to constantly accommodate and understand him and him only being constantly angry at me, feeling like I was never good enough, and always questioning my own judgment because none of his actions made sense... these are all forms of emotional abuse.

Please pick up a book called The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, you will be blown away, and realize exactly what is happening to you. And LEAVE him. Now.

Even though it is incredibly hard or devastating in the moment... it will only get worse, and you will never be happy. He will suck years from you, suck your happiness from you. If you find the strength to leave, you can be happy and find someone who treats you with respect and true love you deserve.

Jul 29, 2012
Been there done that!
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend acted the same way, never a thank you or gesture of gratitude but I made the mistake of marrying him. It only gets worse once they think you're stuck. Now if I fail to do something to his standards or forget something he asked me to do he threatens to throw me out, take away the phone, you name it, he's threatened to sell it or take it away. He treats me like an employee that is legally bound by marriage to sleep with him.

Some people aren't worth giving it all to, some people don't know what they have and never will. The relationship is only 4 months old, run while you can before you lose yourself trying to make someone happy that doesn't want to be.

Jul 24, 2012
same situation
by: Anonymous

Wow! this sounds just like what I have been going through. Let me give you a brief. Been in a relationship from a year and a half. He is 6 1/2 years older than me. Knew him from 3 years and was the sweetest alpha male I had ever come across.

Girls dig him and hes always been the center of attraction and very helpful to others. Tall, Handsome, outgoing, smart, intelligent and charming.

Fell head over heals for him and he seemed to be mad about me for the first few months. Later on started the same exact things you have listed. Commanding, bossy, I am an architecture student and trust me when I say I am really smart and I do part-time modeling.

I have to manage all this, go to his place, cook,do his laundry, clean his room, put the food on in the plate and give it to his hand.

I couldn't cook one day cuz I was not well and he got upset and he didn't let me eat what he cooked. He wants everything his way and every time we fight he threatens to leave me.

I dont know what it is but I love him so much that in spite of him treatin me like shit I cant leave him. after every fight that happens every 2 days and after I have cried and got headache that lasts for 3 days he says he did that to teach me a lesson so I will remember not to do the same mistake again.

Nov 01, 2011
Not typical
by: Henrys Girl

He doesn't want a girlfriend dear. He wants someone to take care of his personal home while he's gone. Tell him to get a house keeper!!!!

This isn't typical, nor even for a trucker. When you start a new relationship you don't dive right in and start taking care of the other persons home, bills, pets, kids, whatever... Your not his wife and you don't have a life that is combined yet, hopefully you never will.

Get out now, he and his things are not you're responsibility, your new job and goals for your own life are, but in reading you're post I think you know this.

Men are like buses honey, one comes along every 5 minutes looks like you may have gotten on the wrong one this time, the good news...

Get off now and the right one will be along shortly.

Aug 09, 2011
Time To Wake Up
by: Anonymous

Four months!!! and he's telling all this. Why on earth would you ever let a man do this to you or anyone for matter? Everyone deserves to be loved and respected get out and find a man that appericates you now!

Jul 17, 2011
you are worth more
by: jackie

Those times when he is wonderful probably keep you in this relationship. But you are worth more than how he treats you. If he disrespects you and doesn't stop or try to stop or mocks you for wanting him to stop, it will only get worse.

It may be hard to break out of this relationship. But know that you deserve better. You are a woman and you deserve to be respected. It doesn't matter how dependent you may be on him for whatever. There is a way out. You are worth more.

Jul 06, 2011
i would ...
by: rob

first of all no one should be treated like that.
your just 4 months in. and he sounds controling. thats not good.hows he going to be in a year.??? i would hounestley call it quits.

Jun 30, 2011
Kick Him to the curb...
by: chu

Get rid of him...I agree with Lara... 4 months in a relationship, and he is doing this....He is a control freak, and he will get worse..

I know...I lived with one...Everyday gets worse and worse...And the minute you start to stand on your own and say NO....he will get angry...Don't let it come to this..

He is stressed like Lara is saying by his work and he is using you to be his molly maid and his DD..on weekends..
Honey... kick him to the curb..

All I can say is...Do not live for him....
LIVE FOR YOU...only you can make you happy..
Good Luck and Be Happy..And Smile :)

Jun 30, 2011
BF trucker
by: Lara

Drop him like a hot potato. He is a control freak and they only get worse over time. He is probably trying to control you because his job is controlling him.

Truckers are told where to be every minute of everyday by their DM's, dispatchers, and shipper/receivers. That is a lot of stress to deal with.


It will not help the situation. Get out now before you are married to him or tied to him in any way. Live your life with someone who respects you and knows that you were not put on this earth to wait on them.

Good luck to you.

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