My boyfriend says he loves me but treats me like crap. It's stressing me.I don't know what to do/say. Any advice for a trucker's girlfriend
I'll try to make this short. I have been with my bf for 4 months now. When we first met, he drove for an outfit where he was home every other night. Which was fine and worked for us. I had a night to do what I wanted, then we typically spent the other evening together visiting his friends or having dinner.
Well about 2 months ago he starting driving for another outfit where he's gone about 5 nights in a row. I can deal with that. Its not always fun and I miss having someone to talk to every night. I'm an only child, so I can deal with being alone and entertaining myself, so that part is fairly easy for me. We don't have any kids at the present.
But the problem is when he's home he wants to work me to death. I try to do all I can for him while he's gone, I get all I need to get done at my house while he's gone. But he's very bosey, its not "will you help with this" or "do you mind helping with that", its "go do this", etc. And he doesn't understand that I have a lot of stress with my new job, that weekends are my weekends too and that I need to be able to unwind.
I don't feel I get any respect or appreciation for anything while he's gone. I'm a very faithful person, I don't talk to anyone else. I work very hard at my job and getting things done outside of that. He seems to hold against me that I'm home every night and thats not fair.
He applied for this job and got the job which is great, but unfair that he holds it against me that I'm home and he's not. And lately when he is home, he's got a crappy attitude with me. For all the 10 things I do right, he still finds one thing wrong to yell at me for. And I don't understand it. There is no slack.
I want him to be respectful of me. He doesn't realize that its hard for me sitting home alone all the time and wanting him around to talk to about my day. And what makes matters worse, he never asks me about my day or how my week went or anything. He seems very self-centered and that my life should stop when he's home.
I spend all my time with him when he is home, but the other part of the problem is, he always wants me to drive him around so he can visit friends and drink to the point of being way too drunk. I hate missing him all week, just to spend a day and a half with him drunk and with friends all the time.
He doesn't understand that I need him alone sometimes without the beer. I don't drink at all and I need that sometimes.
He got drunk Saturday night and said some awful things to me before passing out and I left and went home. I can't lie there in bed with him, if he's going to talk to me that way. Its now Monday and he won't respond to any of my texts and its driving me nuts.
I sit here, not knowing whats going on, or where we stand or anything. I don't like having a fight and then him going on the road and heaven forbid something were to happen to him. I couldn't live with that.
He tells his friends all the time how great he thinks I am, and how he thinks I'm the best thing thats ever happened to him and that he loves me to death. Problem is, he doesn't really treat me that way or tell me when he is home.
I'm feeling taken forgranted and underappreciated and not loved. I want him to talk to me, but he won't respond. ANd what happened Saturday, he was in the wrong, not me. I would admit it, if it were. But he's so danged hard on me.
He says I'm almost perfect, but I need a little tweaking. I feel like everything I try to do, he's going to find something wrong with it and I get over paranoid about everything. I'm losing confidence in my self. I'm not an idiot, I was just recently offered a position at my company where I'm now a supervisor and right now I'm in the learning process and its very stressful for me sometimes.
I try to talk to him about it, bc he used to have his own excavating business and he knows how to handle employees etc, so I look to him for advice, but he never wants to talk about my day or week.
I just feel like I can't please him, no matter how hard I try. He tells me all the time that he's a hard man to get along with, but when he's sweet, he's sweet. I just need it more, especially when he's home.
I wish he'd see me trying and appreciate it, more than slam me for when I'm wrong. See that I'm trying and acknowledge that. I'm of the type of personality, where if someone rides my butt about something, it just makes me shut down. I don't do well that way.
Give me some positive reinforcement and I'll strive to do better. But yelling at me, just makes me more paranoid.
Not sure what to do here, does anyone have a similiar siutation and how to deal? I lost so much sleep late Saturday and Sunday night and its making me literally sick to my stomach, bc he won't answer me. Its not like him to not talk to me.
I know that message was kinda all over the place, but I'm kinda venting, since I can't vent anywhere else and he won't talk to me. He says were together and were together for the long haul. If so, then my shut me out and act like a 4 year old by ignoring me??
Thanks in advance for any advice you have.