I'm Not Perfect

by Maria
(ohio)

My trucker has been doing this for over 30 yrs. He is a over the road workaholic. He recently decided to go the owner operator route about a month ago. Because his previous job as a over the road driver came to an end about a month and a half ago because his trucking company that he was working for went out of business.

So he joined with his now trucking company where he's renting to own his own tractor. So what's the problem? Well I never get to c him b4 he started with this new lease to own at least we communicated almost daily not much tension.

But now with this new venture. I haven't seen him in 2 months. He's not phoning much, not texting at all something we use to do ALLLLL the time.

I work 40 hrs a week n am a loner myself. No I have no interest in no other man. He's definitely my soul mate n when he last called me Saturday he assured me that we r still one with only each other n I've always known him to be a workaholic all the 3 1/2 yrs we've been together.

It's just that since this new rent to own venture that I have concern that eventually we could grow apart because he's not physically nor emotionally available to me. And I do my best to keep myself active such as working out enjoying tv and spending time communicating with my 25 yr old daughter n close family n cousins.

But I do miss him n I want more time with him but I'm not about to obsess over him or call or track him down especially since he's told me that he has to work harder now due to the truck payment.

And he's told me how much harder this side of trucking is so I'd only drive him away if I start shinning and calling n texting endless.
Does this get better? Am I the only woman going thru this? I welcome comments n opinions.

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Aug 13, 2014
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I feel ya !!! NEW
by: MissyJay

No it does not get better. What has worked for me and it might help you, is this, go on with your life if you plan to stay married. What I mean is do all the things that you want to do. Educational dreams, job promotions, whatever it is. When he does come home just cherish that time and know too that you were born to do something other than sit at home and wait for him. Most of the truck drivers are workaholics. Most of them love driving a truck. Most of them will say differently, but it is simply not true. Most of them also wanted to be married but they did not want the responsibilities any longer of what it took to be a husband and/of father on a full time basis. 365 days year after year after year. They told you that it would not come to this and it has and my husband's favorite answer is "well what can I do about it, I have to go to work."

Aug 07, 2014
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Thank u and Hervy NEW
by: Maria

Hi, I just want to thank you and Nervy for your positive and supportive comments. Guess what my man called me today totally disgusted with the Lease to own program. The trucking company took their cut of 670.00 leaving him only 300.00 until next Wednesday. And that did it for him. Needless to say I support him 1000%. And I might add that all this Lease to own venture has done for he and I is brought us closer together. And for me in particular has let me know I'm stronger than I knew I was and I luv my man even more than I know I luv him. N I know it's gonna take him a minute r two to get with another trucking company n all that but regardless of how long r short that process God thru Jesus will get us through it and keep us strong. Like I said he is my soul mate and I luv him so look very much. Thank you and Hervy once again for your positive comments. Sincerely. Maria

Aug 07, 2014
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Aug 05, 2014
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yep NEW
by: Anonymous

owner/operator is worse than driving for a company...my guy did it for some years and ended up losing it all during the crash of 2008...so now he is back to driving independent and we have our life back...he is home every week and we get more time to have fun again...wait it out... I think he will discover its no fun running your own truck business and all the bills start adding up and you need to have an accountant (which cost more money) so that everything goes right with your taxes etc....he will be back to driving for someone else...

Aug 01, 2014
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From Company driver to Owner Operator
by: Hervy

Maria it is definitely true that having a large payment hanging over your head will make it mandatory to run miles. Of course you can't run miles and be at home.

However, it could also bring about all kinds of emotions including something I call New Owner Operator's remorse.

Usually temporary, but here is something you might consider. He now has additional responsibility of managing a business by having his own truck. It's not just the truck payment in and of itself, it's managing the operation daily including being able to afford fuel. It's being emotionally affected by having to sit, and financially affected if it lasts.

It's about having the responsibility but not as much control as you might have imagined being leased. For instance, you can't make them coordinate loads well and dispatch you effectively.

You can't predict when a breakdown will occur or what it will be and how much it will cost.

You can't make up the lost money if you stop driving for a weekend.

Questions enter the mind, what if I take a weekend off and then have a bad week. I might not make earn enough to make payment and have fuel.

What if the new demands of this situation causes my relationship to fall apart. What if my wife leaves me since I am not able to come home as much.

Maria, these are some of the scenarios and thoughts that a new O/O in a relationship might entertain.

To what extent he is affected by becoming an Owner Operator depends greatly on several things including....

The quality of the company and dispatchers
The quality of the truck they leased to him
The quality of his own thought process
The quality of his the person he is in a relationship with

The first 2 we don't know about.
The third seems satisfactory indicated by him calling and insuring to you that things were still good between you.
The fourth seems satisfactory indicated by the fact that you are seeking insight and advice and trying to understand the big picture.

You relationship will not perish because both of you seem to be committed, smart and able to adapt to change.

You can increase the enjoyment of the journey by including more exploration in communication, dwelling in relationship material meant to strengthen relationships, running a business, brokering freight or any personal development disciplines.

What is important for you do to is be supportive of him and ensure him (as you have done) that you are behind him.

Also DO NOT complain to your family and friends about the situation. They will likely respond with careless and/or reckless verbiage that will poke holes in your relationship.

You know him better than they do. You probably know more about what he is dealing with than they do. (also read, more about trucking than they do). There comments about the few bad truckers husbands or what happens in the worse case scenario of relationships will not help you to see the glass half full.

If you are supportive, the company is good and he keeps on track, things will get a lot better.

He will have a better understanding about being an O/O. He will know better what to expect from his company too. He will even has an idea of the quality of truck and what issues he might or may not face soon or later.

Also, he should have a little cushion of money set aside for emergencies.

If not sooner, when his lease is up, it will be like a tractor trailer size monkey off of his back. No payment and much more profit. If you 2 do your homework, he could choose other even more profitable routes as an owner op and spend more time at home than on the road if he wants.

Hang in there. It does get better. Regardless of what people tell you, just realizing how the dynamics of the situation changes as time goes on informs you that things can get better.

However, that is 100 percent true with ideal conditions. It drops percentage points for things that negatively impact the situation.

The responsibility of both of you to the relationship is to work on doing all that you can within your control for optimum results. After the lease, if the other part is not optimum for success choices can be made to go another route.

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