The love of my life is back. We were high school sweethearts and drifted apart. Now we're back where we belong and living together in a new city.
He is a professional truck driver. And he's great at it.
I have been crying every day that he is not home. My frame of reference up until now is that both partners come home at night after working all day. So this is a tremendous paradigm shift, especially at my age (mid-50s). And it is almost too hard to handle.
I work from home so that doesn't help. I'm trying to meet new people but when you are sad, it's hard to do that. I want to mope at night when he's not here. And even if I go have dinner with a friend, I'm still coming home to an empty apartment.
I'm hoping that time will make this easier.
Yesterday I made a list of things of things to remember. Surely a positive mindset will help. I wrote this down:
1) I'm thankful we found each other again.
2) I know being away from me is hard for him, too.
3) He gave up a lot for this life.
4) He is looking for another job that pays enough where I can join him. I work online so it should be possible, at least some of the time.
Most importantly, I know he loves me.
I will still cry when he leaves or when I'm lonely. I don't see that ever stopping. But I'd rather have this life, with the pain of missing him, than not having him back in my life at all. That was worse.
He is the love of my life, and I'm his. And if his work schedule is not perfect, it's still better than not having him at all.
So I have a choice. I can either
a) be sad a lot
b) leave him, or
c) be sad sometimes, be thankful that we are together, and focus on the positives as much as possible.
My plan is option (c).
Thank you for reading. No one can really fix the pain we feel, but it helps not being alone.
Too bad there aren't support groups throughout the country.
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