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Feeling like a single mother and starting arguments

by Jonelle Hill
(Los Angeles)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 years. Prior to us having 2 children within a span of 10 1/2 months. I was ok with him being away. By ok I mean I could deal with it because I had my own time.

Now we have two children currently both 2 years old but I'm struggling to find comfort and peace while he is gone. I feel as though I'm all by myself.

We first moved to a state where I had no friends nor family which I soon realized was a mistake. So now I'm around family (living with my parents) but I still feel alone. I am grateful to stay with my parents but this causes stressful situations as well (differences in parenting being HUGE).

What are some things I can do to become peaceful and not start arguments due to feeling like EVERYTHING is on my shoulders while trying to balance work, dropping/picking kids off/up at daycare, feeding, bathing, etc?

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Oct 18, 2020
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You're Doing Great Just Keep Working At It and...
by: Hervy

I say this because you asked about what YOU can do. Even though, you probably know he SHOULD be doing some things differently as well.

So you are already on the right path. Unfortunately, that leaves a lot more of the journey though. :o)

I would say you do definitely want to not argue but have a heart to heart serious conversation about how you feel. Write it out first so you can communicate your feelings effectively. And have this conversation when everything is good and you are happy.

He will likely say why or what you want me to do this is what it is. Your response is, because I want us to talk about the plans for the future.

How will we transition to a different reality? What is the game plan?

I always tell couples to do this from jump. Because if there is a plan and set length of time for this, then it's a lot less stressful for you.

Because you are working toward and endpoint.

OF course, the other part of this is that he has to be someone who prioritizes family over the trucking lifestyle AND feel confident in his ability to earn income in other ways. Which is easier then ever in this day and age. But unfortunately many people don't see it from that perspective.

Good you got back around family. I warn women about the guy that takes her away to a secluded place from family and friends. Often this is a sign of a controlling person. Sometimes even abusive. Hopefully this hasn't and won't occur. Especially since you went back home. That type of guy don't let the woman move back to easily. So hopefully he is not that type of dude.

So the way to have a more pleasant personality is to know that this COULD be temporary arrangement. So you just talk yourself down and interact with that perspective as a background.

If you are working toward something better than, it easier to deal with it right now.

Aside from that breathing techniques when you feel stressed helps.

Also adequate sleep helps with stress and helps prevent depressions symptoms. Which assists with control.

And proper diet makes a difference in your thoughts and ability to think clearly. (Which affects your mindfulness, attitude and actions.

Download this pdf and ask each other the questions to help nurture your relationship.
Improve long distance relationships

By the way, what about marriage? Maybe I'm old fashion but I ask that because of this.....

Are both of you on the same page about the relationship. If that is not true then everything else is just weak band aids.

If you were still out in the middle of nowhere I would be afraid that the conversation never came up. Since you were able to move back, I feel you may have had the conversation.

But just in case...... if you haven't talked about the plans for the relationship say in 5 years. If you have no idea about why you are not married and you want to be but you don't want to talk about it because you don't want to upset him, then that's a problem.

If you both are OK with just being girlfriend and boyfriend with not plans for the next stage then just ignore my concerns.

Best of luck and take care of yourself because you need to stay healthy and in good spirits for strong immunity and good parenting.

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