Dazed and confused

by Danielle D
(Greer, SC, USA)

I was raised in the trucking industry. My father was an OTR driver for 15 years. I was the oldest of his five children. I thought I knew what to expect when my husband came home and said he wanted to drive for a living. I was all game for it, even helped pay for it!!!

He started off great. He loved the open road. I on the other hand got dumped with all three kids, pets, and household responsibilities. Also working 60hr weeks at an automotive assembly plant.I felt like a circus juggler.

I resigned my job after a few months, and became a SAHM. That was all fine and dandy since my husband was able to come home on weekends. It still didn't bother me.

But then it started, every time I called he was upset and stressed. Some of the problems were other drivers on the road, four wheelers, bad roads, GPS probably, and etc.

Now he is steadily becoming more impatient with me, and makes me feel as if everything is my fault if I cannot understand...what can I do?

Plz help

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Nov 05, 2015
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Oct 13, 2015
Being an OTR trucker.... NEW
by: Anonymous

... is one of the toughest jobs on the planet.

Not enough credit is given for what we have to go through, and still act like everything is O.K., when in fact, we are all alone with decision making, ourselves, fear....

and we are grossly underpaid.

That being said, trying to find any kind of resolution or rationalization for our thought-processing (or lack thereof) goes out the window with our stale air.

Oct 13, 2015
Reply to posting NEW
by: Danielle D

Thank you Hervy for your reply!
All of the things you pointed out make sense and have alot of merit. For us my plan to leave the plant was planned due to scheduling with the kiddos, and sitters. They're just wasn't enough time in the day to work 11hrs a day and care properly for our three children, something had to give.
Financially we are so-so. He has switched to a second company that his brother dispatches for, so he gets great pay and runs. But we are in the middle of having to relocate for that position. The children and I being in one state, while he works and sets up stuff in another state. This was his idea! I being the loyal and understanding wife j am, I supported his decision.don't get me wrong I don't regret it. I would do anything to make sure he is happy. But I think he may have taken on more than his nerves can handle. All I want is to be able to discuss these things, but if I even broach a subject like this he will flip his pancake.is it better to just let him deal with it and not push the issue or make him talk. All the things I read for trucker wives say zip it and deal til he is home. But the man is gonna be out there for two months!?? Maybe I over think things, but what else can I do??? All I have is friggin time on my hands

Oct 13, 2015
I either see a revelation or coincidence
by: Hervy

Danielle I hope things will turn around soon. meanwhile, I am wonder if money is tight or not.

Another question I have is if he is getting paid as much as he thought he would make as a driver.

Based on what you have said, everything was going well until after you stopped working. However, that was only 3 months after he started drivers so not a lot of history to compare against but it is something to consider.

This is especially true if there was no plan for you to stop working. Although, I understand it seems being overwhelmed with the extra duties and them having having you work that much it would have been difficult to managed. Even seems that it would be logistically impossible to keep up with 3 kids if they are in school will all of the functions and activities.

I digress...still necessity doesn't change the effect it might have had.

The reality is that is no longer money coming in.

It is possible....whether he is consciously or subconsciously thinking about it, he is a little uneasy about being the sole provider. Lots of guys might feel this unease depending on their way of thinking.

For instance, if he is one to be pessimistic overall, he might be on the what if's in a destructive way....

what if i get in an accident and can't work
what if this doesn't work out
what if all of this work has to go to the bills
what if something happens that require a large amount of money at once
What if my health fails me
what if I gain a lot of weight like truckers say is envitable
what if my lady is wasting her free time
what if my lady has extra time to be bored with me gone

If he is more of an optimistic person then maybe he won't have those type of thoughts.

However, he could still be unhappy with not being able to put away the money as quickly as he wanted to or he could feel stuck on the road indefinitely with the change in responsibility.

Keep in mind, I am not justifying his attitude or minimize the need for your decision. I am pointing out lines of thinking that could explain the change in his attitude.

If you can see any of the things that I mentioned are a possible cause of his behavior address them.

A way to minimize any of those types of thoughts wearing down the relationship is to

1. Make a budget together
2. Plan for the future financial
3. Map out a plan for decisions based on where you want to be 5 years. We he still be driving? Will you be working? Is there a business you can start to bring in money? Does he plan on buying a truck? Etc.
4. What is the vision of the future in 10 years.
5. What goals do you need to have in order to make the vision a reality.

one of the things we don't do often enough is developing a specific vision and setting goals so that our decisions are based on getting to a definite place.

That wandering around aimless in life doesn't feel good because it is not the same as moving forward in life toward a place that we have determined that we would like to be.

(Obviously, I don't know your big picture situation,and not I'm not saying this is how life is for you guys. I am just putting this out there because if it doesn't describe you situation, it likely describes others who are reading and experiencing something similar as you.)

Either way, have a conversation with him when things are good about what is going on with him. Ask if there is anything that bothers him about how things are going or have changed. Ask him is anything different than what he expected and of course you can share your perspective about the unexpected on your side as well.

Hopefully he will come to be more aware of his attitude toward you and become more patient, understanding and compassionate realizing that your life isn't easy either.

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