Being a Trucker's Wive Never Gets Easier

by Bonnie
(Southern Alberta, Canada)

Hi, I am 28 years old and have been married for 4 years. We do not have any kids. My husband is a trucker and hauls cattle. He is typically gone from Sunday afternoon to Friday evening. We've been together for 7 years, and he wasn't trucking when we got married. It was his background, but he had wanted to try something else.. something that might afford him the opportunity to be home every night. So he tried a few jobs here and there and never really found anything he liked.. so back in truck he went.

He loves haulin cows, and I don't want to make him feel bad for doing it, but I am having a very hard time with him being gone all the time. They say that some women are cut out to be trucker's wives.. the ones that don't sit there and cry every night because they are alone.. they seem to almost embrace the lifestyle.

I don't know how they can do that... it is very difficult. At the present time I am feeling like it is all hopeless and that I will ALWAYS be alone. I don't want to leave my husband because I love him deeply.... but the lonliness is too much to bear sometimes.

I am not one of those people who can adjust or be ok with not seeing their husband every night. I don't know what I can do to help ease the pain.

There are lots of tips out there, and I agree with most of them, but sometimes I am stuck at home with nothing to do. The keeping busy part is so important, but I can't always just whisk myself away from home to do something to take my mind off of it.. My bank account doesn't agree with those types of things.

So I sit at home, and try to make myself as busy as I can around the house. Sometimes that works, most of the time it doesn't. When I have to climb into our bed alone every night, that is when it is the worst.

I am married, why should I have to sleep alone all the time? There is no one there when I reach out, there's no one there when I wake up... Totally alone. When I try to tell him that I am not holding up very well, he says "Do you want me to quit my job and we will have no way to pay all the bills?". Obviously, that is not what I want.. I don't think he understands how lonely I am at home all the time.

Anyways.. I just wanted to get this out. I've never posted on any sites like this before, and I have no idea what this will do for me, but I guess I feel better knowing that my feelings are out there... somewhere. Maybe someone else can benefit from my words, although I don't see how.

If I could do it all over again, I still would've married my husband, for SURE, but I wouldn't have agreed to let him go back out on the road... I would've known that I couldn't handle it.. Hind sight is 20/20 right?

Anyone out there thinking of marrying a trucker, I am not saying don't do it, but SERIOUSLY make sure you can handle the consequences, or circumstances, as they may be, living this life. It is horrible...

-Trucker Wife "Bonnie"

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Feb 22, 2011
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well..
by: Marla

my husband has been long haul trucking for almost 10 years..My youngest will be 18 in May. I got laid off from my job last march so I went and got my CDL this past fall..why dont you so you could team drive with him like I do? I figured that since I couldnt beat him (the trucking), I might as well join him and we are enjoying every minute together :)

Feb 21, 2011
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Tips to staying busy pt 1
by: Bren

I can easily say that I am one of those women who loves the fact that her hubby is gone most of the time. I have massive ocd, so everything has to be just perfectly organized and clean. When he's home it's bitter sweet because of the simple fact he's not accustomed to my organizational skills. Mostly when he's home I just let him kick back and relax. He's not allowed to do laundry or dishes or any form of cleaning because usually that means even more work for me to "fix everything" once he is back out on the road. I do miss him dearly when he's gone but we talk often and he webcams with our daughter's so they can still have that physical attention from him even when he's gone.

I can garuntee that he misses you just as much as you miss him. He just does not dwell on it because he knows that he has a job to do and all of his attention needs to be focused onto it when he's driving. (Trust me when I say there is ALOT more to the trucking industry than just setting behind a steering wheel all day.) It is extremely physically and mentally draining. Regardless of how much he loves the lifestyle of being out on the road, most drivers are there because they want to support their families the best way they can. That being said instead of complaining about how much he is gone, you should praise him and let him know how proud you are that he is willing to make such a huge sacrifice for you.

Feb 21, 2011
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Tips to staying busy. pt 2
by: Bren

Like Jeff said in an earlier post, maybe you can go out on the road with him at times. I know many wives that go out with their husbands. Spending time out there with him will give you a whole new respect for what he does as well as a little quality time. I will warn you though that it is not as glamorous as some would have you to believe. Pack accordingly *just as if you were going camping in the wilderness without needing a tent* I would definately suggest packing a first aid kit and a small pharmacy kit. *like tylenol, advil, pepto bismol, allergy medication ect*

Some ways to stay busy while at home. Crafting is a great way to stay busy while he is out on the road. I recently made a quilt for our driver. It was very time consuming and helped keep me focused and preoccupied. Once the quilt was completed, I then scanned pictures of us and our children and iron on decalled them to the patches on the quilt. This way he could "be snuggled up with us every night" and have a piece of home with him every night. Also I am often making something for him in the truck. For instance, the only curtains he has in his truck are the ones that hangs at the bunk, so i crochetted him curtains for his windshield and windows to give him extra privacy when he is in the truck waiting at a truck stop on his down time. I've also made many other things for him that are simple to do. Most of the times you can find detailed step by step instructions online for many crafting ideas.

There are also many support groups online for wives and families of truckers. These sights provide support as well as information that is vital for our drivers, such as weather conditions, road conditions, and laws and regulations that may be changing. I would highly suggest that. It also gives you "time with the girls" while he is away without even having to leave the confort of your own home.

Embrase yourself into his life and learn everything that you possibly can. Showing an interest into understanding his job will show him that you do truely appreciate the sacrifice that he is making in order to support you. If all else fails see if you can find a part time job that will help keep you busy during the day that has flexible hours so you can be off when he is home. Get a large body pillow for at night and spray a little of his cologne on it for the long nights that you just need to "feel" him by your side or if possible get a pet that's time consuming and gives lots of attention.

Feb 21, 2011
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can you ride with him?
by: Jeff

I have heard of many wives wanting to ride along with their husband but they can't because they have kids but you don't have any kids maybe you could ride along unless it's against company policy

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