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Are any other trucker wives resentful?

(Sebastian Fl)

I have read so many posts here and feel there is a strong gap. Either the stories are so full of how to stand tall and be a strong woman who for lack of a better term "serve your man" when he gets home.

On the other side I see such sad stories of betrayal, mistrust and anger.
I am wondering if anyone else feels resentment and if that will get better.

My newlywed husband (2nd marriage for us both) just began OTR 2 years ago. The once promised guaranteed "weekends off" have turned into maybe 36 hours off and if we are lucky it falls on the weekend.

I also work full time and I also am exhausted by the end of the week.
We speak on the phone often throughout the day and evening. Trust is not an issue at all. I am often surprised by my reaction upon my husband's return. I feel a tinge of resentment that he gets to catch up on sleep, emails, tv shows while I am cleaning up after a week of work and preparing for the next week of work, laundry and meals for my husband.

My question is how do those positive wives out there cope without feeling a big "let down" when hubby comes home and doesn't sweep you off your feet and spoil you for maintaining everything at home?

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Apr 18, 2018
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thanks for your advice NEW
by: Anonymous

Thank you for the last two comments. I have read and reread them and digested ever word. Everything you have both said makes sense. My husband is a wonderful and kind who is trying hard to contribute to the household. I have purchased the talking book of the Five Love Languages and will make a copy for him to listen to while I'm at work and can't speak on the phone.
Thank you again for your advice.

Apr 11, 2018
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He Needs to Know and Understand What You Experience and Want to Change
by: Hervy

The main thing that I see with ladies who feel resentment is because the guy is not responding in the way that they feel he should. The other reason is that things did not turn out the way expected.

It's understandable for you to feel resentment for either of these reasons. So don't feel bad about feeling resentment. However, do work on eradicating the feeling.

Often the guy doesn't look at or appreciate what you are doing at home to the degree that you expect him to. That isn't intentional. (usually) I believe it is one from him being so occupied by the new situations that he is adjusting to and...

That most people don't or are not able to put themselves in the other person's shoes. It's a common issue that most of us have. (Especially if a person has never been in that exact same situation him/herself)

What we do is obvious to us but not to others. What others are doing wrong (toward us) is obvious to us but often not understood or intended by others.

When it comes to a people in a relationships of course this misalignment can be significant and if left to continue could become destructive. So you have to talk about what it's like to be in each other's shoes.

You have to find a way to communicate what you are feeling. What you want to happen differently. And even what communicates love to you. You might want to ask how he feels things are going first.

Naturally he will ask you why. Then you can say something like, "I just want to make sure you are making him happy and if there are things you can do to improve. And the door will be open for you to respond to the same questions.

This might seem counter intuitive since you want your needs met. But the objective is for him to actually listen to you and not dismiss you for nagging. Asking him about his experience first probably help ensure you get his attention. Also, you might learn something about what he is going through that you didn't realize.

Like I said it can go both ways. But it's important that BOTH of you are looking at it from the other person's perspective.

The fact that you speak to each other so much each day is wonderful and says a lot. I think both of you will be open to improving the relationships by whatever means necessary. Thumbs up!

Also there is a book that I always recommend to couples dealing with this. It's called, "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

Also, I have a free download that helps you have important conversations which will also help you have conversations that will address your needs.

Its more neutral using something like a resource at the focus point of discussion. Especially if you present it as fun or improving the relationship.

It's a serious matter yes, but the approach will help make a difference how much traction you get in the discussion. (depending of course the level of maturity and type of personality of your husband) Some guys you could just say, "I feel we need to have a serious discussion." Others you can't. You have to judge that.

Check this page Improving OTR relationships

Something else he might not have thought about. There are many different types of companies out there. With the experience that he know has, he might be able to find a different trucking job that gives him more freedom.

Also considering becoming an owner operator and getting his own authority. Run half the time get the same money. (After paying off truck) If he is that type of person.
Becoming an owner operator

Apr 05, 2018
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Are any other trucker wives resentful?
by: Anonymous

I cannot comment on your husband's attitude. It is neither my place nor interest. But "milk deliveries" "sitting in traffic" is hardly an accurate characterization of local driving jobs.

I held both union (best) and non-union local (worst) driving jobs earning between a low of $500/week to a high of $1,200/week take home, not gross with an average of $800/week.

So, I made as much if not more driving local (typically up to 300 miles per day), but was home every evening, than I ever did driving over-the=road, which is neither glamorous nor rewarding unless you're either an owner-operator or fleet-owner.

I do not know what the closest city is to your home, and its irrelevant to the topic at hand. But if you live within 50 miles of any major metropolitan region, a sea- or airport, there are plenty of local driving jobs that do regional runs, which is the best of both worlds.

Your husband may be out two-to-three days per week instead of seven, ten, fourteen or more with a very brief reset. Ultimately it is up to him.

And you may want to have the heart-to-heart because feeling as you do will not improve with age, which is why no one is touching this topic. We've all heard it before.

Apr 05, 2018
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So what do we do?
by: Brenda

Dear Anonymous Man :)
Thanks for being the only comment thus far.
You nailed the scenario with reset time and always being on the move.

I've asked my husband to look into local driving and get the response "If I have to do local milk runs and sit in traffic all day then I'll be unhappy when I get home"

That reply hurts as it means that my unhappiness in not an issue. Sadly what happens is he will come home happy and by the time he gets there I am resentful and unhappy.
I think this is a line that is going to require some tact to discuss. By all means I want him to love his job as much as I love mine...I just don't want him to love it more that he loves me.

Apr 05, 2018
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Are any other trucker wives resentful?
by: Anonymous

Wouldn't know as a man. But I'm sure you aren't asking me. But this absence is the dark unspoken side of trucking that many drivers don't get until they are on their third or fourth marriage.

If you do not have your own tractor and are beholden to a carrier, the situation probably will not get any better but much worst until collectively drivers rebell against companies that do not respect their families by intentionally dispatching them in the opposite direction of their homes on Thursday know their reset will fall on either a Saturday or Sunday after which they will already be under load for a Monday delivery.

If home time is important, and you do not live in the hinterlands, but relatively close to a metropolitan center, find a local driving job.

Ironically, it will probably pay more.

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