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A Lonely truckers wife needs advice

by JoAnna
(SW MN)

I am a wife of a trucker also. I am always lonely, depressed and stressed out. I have to say I do totally hate the truckers wife life.

I love my husband with all my heart, but don't know how much more I can take. We have been together for 14 years, married for 8 and he has been trucking for 5.

We have 4 kids that I am basically raising on my own, going to school full time, working part time and trying to raise teenagers....YEAH RIGHT!!

I often wonder what my life would be like if he was working a regular job that he would be home at night and on weekends like he was before this trucking job.

We never fought and we always were happy to be together. When he comes home I feel like he is invading my space and interfering with my schedule. I sometimes feel he trucks to get away and have peace and quiet and not a care in the world while I sit at home stressed over the bills, deal with all my kids stuff (one of my kids has autism so that adds to it).

He doesn't understand why I don't tell him everything while he is gone on the road...well that would be because he never hears what I am saying. I don't know what to do anymore either. My husband is faithful (at least I am confident he is anyway) and I wouldn't dream of being unfaithful, but being lonely sure sucks and makes you think.

I always say if I have to be alone I might as well be alone. I suffer from a lot of guilt as well. He is out making money for our family doing what he loves and I have to wonder am I being greedy because I want him home.

but knowing I still need him to work. So confused.

I have no friends of truckers so none of my friends understand what I feel and why. I wish there was a truckers wife group in my area and well living in SW MN there are no such things...Thanks for listening....Does anyone have any words of wisdom??

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Jun 05, 2023
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Miserable NEW
by: Anonymous

My husdand is also a truck driver. We've been married 8 years together twelve. We have a 5 & 2 year old. He has been trucking for 2 years. Before that we were a happy, normal family. We went to work each day & the kids went to day care and we spent evenings and weekends together. Then we moved to a new town & didn't know anyone which is why he initially started trucking so I could stay home with the boys. It was alright in the beginning but now he only comes home a couple days about every two months and just acts so bothered if the kids want to play with him or if I ask him to look at a leaking faucet or things like that. He constantly reminds me that now that since I have no income that nothing belongs to me. His house, his cars, his everything. I know he makes sacrifices being away from home but I sacrificed my career and moved to a town where I don't know a soul. Anytime I confide in him about being lonely or depressed he just blows up and shuts it down and thinks I'm being selfish because I'm "living for free" "have nothing without him" etc.. It's just getting to me I suppose & I never see or talk to any other adults so here I am.. Online. I think trucking has destroyed our marriage.

Nov 05, 2021
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I get it NEW
by: Anonymous

I am married to a wonderful man who also happens to be a truck driver. He used to come home every weekend for his 34 which was ok with me, but the past 4 months it’s always something keeping him out over the weekend. We have been together 3 nights out of the last 120. This was never supposed to be the deal, but he seems to be fine with it. Understanding human nature, I know that eventually I will get tired of being this sad and miserable, and he will get tired of hearing me talk about it. We are both intelligent, somewhat attractive people and sooner or later, whether we want it to or not, temptation wiill arise for one or both of us. At the end of the day, I’m not sure if love is enough to keep us together as long as he is away this much and I’m home alone. I haven’t seen my family in a year because I can’t plan anything in advance bf I wouldn’t want to miss the chance that he might be able to come home. My whole family suffers because of it, and life is too short. He said he will come off the road, but Iim afraid he would be miserable. He’s happy doing what he’s doing, though. And why wouldn’t he be? Everything in our lives is about him and centers around his job. I also I have a full time job but I feel less than able to focus because I’m always anxious and stressed out. His choice of career is holding all of us back. Drivers in this kind of situation need to be as unselfish as possible and avoid committing to a wife and family. I’m married to a ghost, and he doesn’t seem bothered by being away from me at all. What to do….

Feb 14, 2021
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Wow NEW
by: Anonymous

Yes I am a lonely wife of a truck driver. Funny thing is we met in trucking school. We both drove long haul and for the past 4 years I have been out of trucking but he still does long haul. It’s hard. I am lonely I hate it. Reading all the comments has blown me away. Some saying all truck drivers are cheaters liars self centered. Well let me tell u that’s not true. If we didn’t have truck drivers we wouldn’t have food on our table clothes on our back or a roof over our heads. They deliver all our goods.
It’s a hard life for both the driver and his or her family. It takes a lot to keep the relationship healthy and last. I have a headset on a lot when I am home just to chat with my husband. I make his meals for the road and I also always write a note to him. I send him off with some favorite treats (always a surprise) we talk a lot I feel like I know him better than I knew my first husband of 20 years who wasn’t a truck driver. With video chat talk text email we make sure we work on our relationship first. If we miss a holiday we still do it when he gets home. So what Christmas easter whatever is a few days later. I get the sales. I save a lot of money.
My biggest issue is I feel trapped in our house with Covid I am tired of these walls his biggest issue he is tired of living in a tin can. We both are lonely. I realize the difference between me and a lot of other trucker wives is I have done the job I get what he goes threw. I miss him so much that I constantly think of what I can do special for him so when he is gone he still knows I am thinking about him.

Jul 30, 2019
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Heartbroken
by: Anonymous

My man and I have been together for almost 7 yrs he has been a trucker all this time. Last year in February he left me said we would work on our relationship didn’t explain why he was leaving left in the night while I was out with my son and daughter and law and when we did talk and he did was cuss and holler at me. Said he was gonna stay gone for a month and that turned into two and then 3 then he came back and I found out all the while he was gone he was texting and seeing escorts that continued for several months after he came back when I showed him my proof he got mad at me and ask me why I was getting in his personal stuff well when you live with someone you can’t hide shit and lie I found out the whole time we were together he seen escorts in Louisiana and Oklahoma Texas every where he went . Then he said he was sorry it wouldn’t happen again bullshit ass mother fucker cheating ass truck driver fuck them all

Jul 28, 2019
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Twenty six and a half years NEW
by: Anonymous

I am in the process of saving money for a divorce after having been with my husband for over 26 years. I left him back in March. The lifestyle was slowly killing me. Being able to see him only once every 3-5 months really wasn't what I was aiming for, when I fell in love with him, back in 1992.

To top that off, I have been doing my research. He shows all the patterns of a Narcissist. The lieing, the gaslighting, the triangulation, and constantly needing and seeking praise of some sort to stroke his enormous ego. (Whether it be from me, or all the women he speaks with through al the dating sites he is subscribed to.)

And just recently, he has popped back into my life, after being nearly non existent, to take it upon himself to haul communal property from TX to MO, to my house. I didn't ask him to do so. I wondered why he would take time off of work, pay for all the expense, and make all that effort, when I didn't even ask for it. Then I realized. It is al for his own agenda. He was hoovering me. An effort to draw me back in, so he could further emotionally abuse me. Well, not gonna happen. I didn't even allow him to spend the night. He can find someone else to play Reindeer games with.

Oh, I still love him. Still care. But if he did the same, he'd find a normal job, and be a normal person. And I just don't see that happening.

Jul 27, 2019
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Truckers wife life NEW
by: Anonymous

Yea the trucker wife life sucks I be been with man for six years and his been a trucker the whole time . And it’s lonely and spend all your time on the phone with them. But I can tell you now he hasn’t been faithful and most of them aren’t I never though he would cheat but he did with escorts I found out because I had that gut feeling and started snooping so I have severe trust issues

Jul 27, 2019
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Couldn't have said it better. NEW
by: Anonymous

My belief is that most truckers are Narcissists, or have Narcissistic traits. They shouldn't be married, and should not have children. Let them drive truck, or work those jobs that require no emotional ties. Keeps them away from the rest of society.

Jul 27, 2019
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It’s no life for those at home NEW
by: Anonymous

For the significant other left at home it is miserable! There is no other word for it. I’ve read a lot of other responses about they "the trucker" are out making money and how stressful it is for them. Where is the consideration for those left behind? I personally think that being a trucker driver is a selfish act if they have a spouse and family unless the trucker had no other option for employment. Lonely doesn’t begin to describe what it’s like being home.
Essentially,you, the left behind spouse are now single with all the responsibilities that normally takes two to do, but yet committed to a ghost because again they aren’t there. On top of that it’s a relationship with a phone, not a person because let’s face it they aren’t there! It’s no different than an online relationship. And this home time they are given is a joke. Prisoners in the Department of Corrections get more family time than a trucker driver! Someone said if he went into the military would you walk away? And yes, walking away would be emotionally smart because joining the military is just like this job a choice, we aren’t at war! Besides the military makes more effort to keep families together! So that was not the best comparison. Marriage and relationships are about being together and making memories not living life alone. There is a reason the divorce rate is extremely high amongst truck drivers, and why the turnover rate is at 128 percent! Also the pay is a joke if you break it down into hours, again this is why the turnover rate is what it is. Should we mention the drivers health? Not good overall because the body isn’t meant to sit like that, and their insurance is terrible because the insurance companies know that truck drivers are high risk.
My husband walked away after 12 years from a great job with great pay and great benefits to drive a truck, leaving us behind to figure out life without him, and we’ve been married 29 years. He knew what it was all about because he drove early in the marriage, and spouses it’s the freedom of the open road and no home responsibilities that they enjoy because it isn’t the money, benefits or family they are considering. They control your world in the sense that they call on their time, they can take money well before you’ll see it in the account, their world is closed to you the spouse because how do you really know what they do in their down time? You don’t and you won’t. As for missing their families, we all do what is important to us it’s human nature, so them missing events wouldn’t happen if it meant that much to them. Let’s face it if we want it we as humans will do what we need to do to be there or get it. As for stress that word belongs to doctors, policemen, social workers, nurses and mothers that’s real stress! If living in a box with wheels, driving and contending with electronic logs is stress, it’s a chosen stress, a choice that the individual made to be free from the real world where the rest of us live.

Apr 21, 2019
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Lonely too
by: Mocha

Hello, my story is similar in some ways. I am lonely too. My husband has been driving a little over 6 months and I am not sure if this is going the way I thought it would. I work a full time Job and we have two daughters. I just received a promotion which calls for me to work crazy hours. So when he is home I’m at work and when I’m off he’s at work. I’m the past 6 months I have gained 40 pounds stressing and worrying will my marriage last. My husband is very faithful to me and I him. This past weekend he was supposed to be home. I prepare a meal and get all pretty and he calls and tells me that he has another load to do so he won’t be home that day but he will be home tomorrow. When I express my feelings to him I feel he doesn’t understand. Help!

Feb 20, 2019
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Answers for lonely wives of truckers
by: Anonymous

To all you ladies who are so lonely if it wasn't for the income we wouldn't be out here so please understand that most of us who are monogamous as well as committed to our marriage we do love you and we know it's hard but please understand it's for the better of our future

Feb 06, 2019
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Trying to deal with this lifestyle
by: Anonymous

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and this is the first time I’ve dated a trucker. I’ve heard the stereotypes about truckers having women in "every city " but he was convincing this was not him and that truckers get a negative stereotype and I believed him. Things seemed good for the most part until he started acting vague about me meeting his family. I got curious and found out he is flirting and sexting with other women on social media. I’m devastated because he continues to treat me well otherwise and I’m not sure if he is contacting other women online due to loneliness of being on the road so much or because he is truly playing me. Part of me says he does not want to be committed even though he tells me we are in a committed relationship. Is this a normal thing for truckers to do to deal with loneliness? I really would appreciate some feedback.

Jan 26, 2019
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Trucker wife new NEW
by: Anonymous

Me and my husband been together 4 months and married 3 of the months and he is a trucker. I'm a stay at home mom of 2 kids. I'm still having super depression over it. He became a trainer. It's hard for me while he being on the truck for 2 weeks at a time when it now its gonna be 5 weeks at a time

Nov 01, 2018
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Trucker Wife NEW
by: Anonymous

After 26 years of wasted life. If you are not 100% independent don’t hook up with truck driver you will hate every minute of every day,

Truck driver wife is a lonely job wi5h no financial compensation.

Nov 01, 2018
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Lonely in Texas NEW
by: Anonymous

My man is also a trucker and we have been together for about 6 years now I knew he was a trucker when we met and I thought I could handle it and I did for a while but the longer we do it the less I like it. I hate coming home from work to an empty house and only talking on the phone. I try really hard to trust him but he does a lot of things behind my back and he lives a whole other life out there. He comes home and we barley talk his tired all the time and I have learned that when he hangs up the phone saying he is going to bed that he is up all night are really late playing in his phone doing only he and God know what. So ladies you can’t compete with that truck and his never gonna give it up for you. They love being out with no worries expect there next load and what they can do behind your back an that’s all there is to it so you deal with it are get out especially if you want real relationship sorry but they do cheat and lie to you and come home and look you in the face your better off with out a trucker.

Nov 01, 2018
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Lonely in Texas NEW
by: Anonymous

I’m a truckers girl too and we have been together almost six years now. It’s taking its toll on me I’m lonely and wishing things were different I’m growing really tired of being alone. He is home on the weekends and my job I have to work every other weekend so we get maybe two weekends out of the month. I love him and I’m in love with him but I don’t think I can do this anymore. As much as I love him I think it’s time to let go. I want different things out of our relationship I don’t want to compete with that truck but I do and I’m never gonna win that battle I have no one to talk to

Sep 12, 2018
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Feeling the same loneliness NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband is also a trucker but he's not otr but he's away from home alot working but when he's home he's either working on his car or talking/hanging with his buddies. I'm feeling really confused because I still love him but I'm not in love with him anymore because he's never here when I need him or else he's in the bed getting ready for his next run in he has to have his rest. When he's home I also feel like he's invading my space and I don't want to be bothered with him mentally nor physically. When I try to talk with him about how I feel he always dismiss my feeling with "You always have an attitude." I don't know what to do he's a great man.

Sep 12, 2018
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Sep 04, 2018
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Support NEW
by: Anonymous

H understand. Have you communicated to him how you feel? Do you all Skype or have some sort of App where you can talk at night just so you can let him know your friustrations? Your kids are old enough to help around the house with certain chores just so you won't be overwhelmed.

Jun 19, 2018
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I get it, SW MN (I am in Mpls!!!) NEW
by: Anonymous

I hear you It’s kind of weird when you don’t have any friends who are wives of truckers.

I feel the same way about my husband not listening; I’ve just pulled away and there’s so much we don’t talk about because we have such separate lives due to first of all him being gone so much.

I find myself sharing more with some of my male coworkers, and there’s nothing going on with them, but I actually have more companionship in someway with them than I do my own husband.

Jun 18, 2018
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I get it NEW
by: Anonymous

Been married for 25 years, raised twins who are both mentally challenged and husband home barely five to six days in a month. I have no friends who understand my life. Will soon be driving with my husband for two weeks in a month just so I can spend time with him.

Social time is the hardest what friends I did have can plan their weekends and I could not so over time I lost contact with them and wound up moving from the city to the country which has helped my twins but still very few friends.

Hang in and know that you are not the only one who lives the life of a trucker’s wife.

Jun 18, 2018
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Lonely is a bitch NEW
by: Anonymous

I know the feeling I raised to kids while my wife travel all over so lord even knows what went on ! It’s sucks to be lonely and when they come home and ignore you is even worse.

May 20, 2018
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Update. NEW
by: Anonymous

I'd written a comment/situation I had, in August 2017. Fast forward to now, nothing has changed except my attitude. I decided to take up Yoga, and a home workout program. It helps my mind and body deal with the fact that my husband is a trucker very who spends a lot of time away from home. I have also discovered he is probably a Narcissist. If any of you gals don't know what that is, Google it. And if you are still young and have your life ahead of you, and your s/o is displaying these types of symptoms, GTFO of the relationship. Save yourselves and the mental health of your children.

Myself, I figure I've been dealing with the bullsh** for too long to get out of it. I know the symptoms of NPD. I know the nuances and subtleties of it. I figure I can live through it. All I need do, is keep my sanity, so am learning coping techniques.

Be aware, all you wives of truckdrivers... These guys, for the most part, are pretty anti social. Normal home life isn't what they want. The aspects of the job for otr o/o suggests long periods of time away from home. I would speculate that most truckers are m/l nomadic, and don't make for good homebodies, i.e., parents, spouses, etc...

May 20, 2018
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Lonely truckers wife/girlfriend NEW
by: AnonymousJennifer

My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years and he use to be regional driver but decided to be OTR the last two years. According to him he said there was more money so I could stay home with our two young daughters. Childcare was a struggle. Now he has made me feel like I don’t matter no more I have came across a few messages that he left his friends that he feels more free when he is gone but says to me that he loves me still. It’s just the stress of work and then tries to say that I pressure him when I don’t about bills. When he is home for 32 hours it’s like he’s not even here, he catches up on sleep which is pretty much most of the time or talking to someone from work all the time not time for me or his girls. just like you I am raising our girls by myself our older daughter is eight and she has seen how distant he is because he is at time shows he has no time for her our other daughter is three so she’s always jumping on daddy. I’m just very lonely and feel like I should be just single at times. He puts the guilt on me and he has a helper with him who is younger and single. I’ve seen his text messages to my fiancé whenever they’re out on the road looking to hook up with some girl at times I’m wondering if that’s what my fiancé wants. My parents disagree with how much time he is gone and tell me just to move on. I knew this would be hard but to disrespect me and make me feel like I don’t matter is really taking affect. I live in Anoka MN and never can take my girls anywhere fun gas of gas and we only have his income and he only gives me between $50-$100 and that doesn’t last cause need to buy groceries with that.

Jan 10, 2018
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In the same boat NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband was in the Navy when we first met. I told him I would only consider a future with him if he had a career where he wasn't gone all the time. He promised me he wouldn't. So we get married and he gets out of the Navy bc he's in the Canadian Navy and we live in the US. So after he gets out, we decided to start a trucking company. He said I could go on the road with him bc of my bad back, and it was going to be awesome. He promised that if it didn't work out he would go back to a 9 to 5 job. Well it didn't work out bc every time I was in the truck he would treat me like dirt. Long story short, he refuses to give up the business and doesn't care about my loneliness or needs. He lied and broke his promise. Our marriage is hanging on by a thread. I think I would be happier suffering thru a part time job with my back pain and living in this trailer with low expenses than having a nice home with no one around to have a marriage with. At least I can try again and maybe find love.

Oct 14, 2017
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The only thing that changes, is a truckdriver's scenery. NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband started driving truck around the year 2002. Been a long time, so I don't remember the date. But I remember it was at my suggestion that he become a trucker. We had both just been laid off, and needed some kind of income, and both our fathers had been truckers. Anyway, I kind of regret that decision. We may have a nice lifestyle, and I'm not wanting for much of anything, except alittle honesty from my husband.
Through the years, there's always been something wrong, nibbling at the back of brain. His web history led me to wonder, and eventually I started digging through it. (Our web history and accounts are synced). I found numerous Craigslist searches, porn sites, dating sites, you name it, I saw it! I tried many times bringing all this damnedable evidence up, but he just told me I was crazy. If I pressed the issue further, he got loud, belligerent, and angry. So I stopped bringing it up.
I then tried a new approach to keeping the marriage alive. I suggested swinging. He acted taken aback. So I modified that to threesomes. He seemed more open to that idea. Well, to say the least, that idea probably won't fly either. The only threesome I was involved with, since we've been together, (since '92), was with a working gal. I have no friends, and he says he doesn't need any friends. And still I saw all the crap in his history, so my ideas didn't change one thing.
I commend all the gals who chose men who have character strong enough to remain loyal, and yet are on the road for great lengths of time, away from their families. I didn't do so well in that department. I WILL say that I have been loyal through all my husband's BS. But, it hasn't improved my situation one iota.
So, at 60 now, I guess my role is to play the happy housewife who has no friends, and puts up with the husband's shenanigans. I'd leave, but with a bad back, it wouldn't be the wisest thing to do, not to mention all the water under the bridge. At least he is still a good father and doesn't shirk his family responsibilities. I guess I should count my blessings?

Aug 29, 2017
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Going through the motions NEW
by: Am33878

I went through the motions for awhile only seeing my spouse for a few days when he was gone for up to 6 to 8 weeks. We have two children, and it was very hard on them as well. It wasn't just me going through stuff he was as well, which wasn't something I understood. Like most men they don't like talking about their feelings, but I wanted to understand what he went through as well. He felt like a visitor in our life because we were on a schedule with our kids and every day life, and on the road he felt alone like I did. He talked about feeling like a throwaway person when he was on the road like no one knew him while he was out there. While I was having dinner with our kids he would be picking up truck stop food, or sitting at a diner by him self. I could tell it wasn't healthy for his mental Heath to be gone that long so we looked into other options. That is when we heard about drive away companies. It has been life changing honestly he is his own boss gets to pick his loads where he picks up, when he comes home and the pay is great. He doesn't have to miss our kids school stuff or other important things. Don't get me wrong its still hard when he leaves but knowing he can come home when he wants and is only gone for about a week is so much better.

Aug 16, 2017
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Truckers and their wives NEW
by: Anonymous

I get the issue of being alone. I have been married for 25 years and my husband has been driving for 20 years. We have two adult children who are both mentally challenged and I have no friends who are married to truck drivers. I only talk
To other wives online.

I love my husband and gave up my career as an administrative assistant to raise our mentally challenged twins. I miss working and count every minute of every day waiting to see my husband and when he is home time goes fast.

Aug 16, 2017
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Support Line NEW
by: Anonymous

If there was a service line setup, whether it be for advice, or just someone to talk to that use to be a female trucker would anyone here find that helpful? I am thinking about creating some sort of outlet for those driving out on the road all of the time, or even those having a hard time at home with their family on the road. Any opinions are greatly appreciated.

Jul 06, 2017
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First year NEW
by: Anonymous

We've been at this for a year this month. He gets to come home whenever he can catch a break in between loads, which has been about every 6-8 weeks for about a week at a time. The easiest thing for me has been to establish a routine when I'm home with the kids and a routine when he's home. As much as I'd love for him to work local, we've established goals for ourselves, some small and some bigger but always have something that we're moving towards to keep hope alive for both of us. I have certain expectations of him when he's home and vice versa. I try not to expect what he can't physically give, since it wouldn't be fair and we talk as much as possible. For the most part, I try to remember this is the life that we've chosen for now and somedays its harder to remember than others. I am grateful that Ive had to learn to do things on my own. I'm looking forward to learning from this page and learning to navigate through this new life.

Jul 04, 2017
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lonely NEW
by: Anonymous

Fefe... I would reconsider the wedding in a heartbeat. My husband had been an otr driver for years. He got a local driving job where he was home every night while we were dating. It was perfect. I knew I would need someone who was home more. That's just who I am. So when we were engaged and then married 2 years ago, I knew I would be with him every night. We got along and were happy. However, 3 months after getting married, he went back to being over the road without even asking my opinion. I feel like I was disrespected and "framed" really. I could care less about the money. Honestly, when I do the calculation for what he makes versus time away from home..it's about 7 bucks an hour. Can't get him to see that. He would just argue the "drive time" pay. Our marriage has fallen apart since then. It's been nothing but sexting other women and cussing me or calling me a crybaby for being alone every night. I would completely rethink marrying an otr driver which my husband was not when I married him.

Jul 03, 2017
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Truckers Wife NEW
by: Lonely Wife

Feeling the same lonely daily struggle that I have been reading on this website. My husband and I will be married 25 years this October. He has been driving for 20 years we have twins both with mental disabilities and I feel like I raised them myself but without my husband doing what he does I could not have been a stay-at-home mom. We try and call each other daily but that does not make up for him being at home. Time to ourselves is near impossible when you have to pay a worker to take your child out since cannot be left on their own.

If I did not love him as much as I do to get through the daily struggles I would have dumped him on year five. Trust is a big factor when you are a truckers wife.

Jun 29, 2017
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Same Boat, Different Truck NEW
by: TNTantrum

I came here looking for support and found more lonely women. So sad...

He's been Midwest regional for two years now. We just had our 9th anniversary, which we missed, of course. Prior to the job change, he worked two jobs and I had my career with which to raise our two boys. The short story is that my mental health tanked to where I stepped away from work. When bills piled up, our bootstraps situation failed and he swapped his two jobs for the big rig.

He's gone for 5+ days and home for 40- hours during the weekend. I have no network of support for raising our kids. No sitter, daycare, group, or frequently visiting grandparents. When he's home, he's too busy doing nothing to be bothered with helping. It's like pulling teeth to get him to run an errand, cut the grass, or do anything with the boys that doesn't involve them watching their daddy play a computer game. He only wants to do anything when he wants my affection.

Tonight, we had an argument because I asked him to take the boys out for a bit this weekend so I could clean the house and have a little break. He blew up at me.

To be clear, my mental health is worse now than it was before I left my wonderful job, and things were bad even then. I'm failing to get the help I need. Maybe when the kids are in school, that'll afford me a window to wellness.

Thanks for listening.

May 24, 2017
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New NEW
by: Anonymous

Hello ladies....i am basically on the same boat as you guys....my husband started working OTR 4 years ago and we have 2 little children...4 year old and a 2 year old...it is really hard not to have your husband home every night...i feel super lonely and stressed...i feel like I'm a single mom...and at the same time I feel guilty maybe I am selfish but then this is not a way of life....so confused and just sad:( I don't even know how it feels to have your husband come home every day and make him dinner...

May 10, 2017
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im lonely too NEW
by: Annie

Hi I am in the same situation, not a trucker husband but he works abroad. When we met he had a 9-5 earning well so I didn't have any hesitation getting into a relationship with him..Then once I was head over heals he was offered work in Africa. I was devastated so he turned it down but he took the next offer. And the next and finally o said I couldn't stand it anymore and that if he was serious then marriage then at the end of his work no more trips away because the lonlieness was making me sick. It was OK for a few years in fact amazing but now he has done it again just got a job and left. I'm lonely because I'm loyal but I like being kissed goodnight, I like being cuddled daily, I like talking about my day with a real human and not a phone, I like waking up next to someone I love. I'm trapped, I could go but then what? Will I find love again? Or will I regret it. He is hard enough to shrug it off and move on but seeing him do that would kill me. I have told him how I feel and he just shrugs and says oh well sorry its hard for you but I'm working and I want new bike parts.

Apr 29, 2017
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Lonely Hearts NEW
by: Fefe

HI ladies so glad I found this page!
I'm engaged to a wonderful man we actually met over the road I was a otr trucker for 4 years it wasn't for me my fiancee is 16 years older and has been driving otr for more than 20yrs. We dated for 6 months before getting serious I told him I was getting off of the road wanted to go back to school to get a bachelors in health Science I asked him if he would be willing to look at local driving jobs because I didn't think our relationship would work if he was gone all the time he said he would be open to that.it's been almost three years now and he gets upset anytime I bring up a local job he says he wouldn't make enough money so now we're engaged and I told him we need to slow down and talk because I'm not happy I even moved away from my family so he could be close to his children which was a mistake since they don't wanna see him anyways bc he's always been gone idk what to do i think I have a lot more understanding than most trucker wife's because I was a trucker have no friends here any suggestions??

Apr 29, 2017
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Mar 20, 2017
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What to do NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband and I will be married 40 years in October, he has been on the road the entire time. He works hard for our family, always makes sure we have what we need and want. When I was busy raising our 3 children by myself, my time was filled up. Now they are all grown and married with children of their own. Retired from my job about 10 years ago, he will never retire I know that, missed a major surgery I had(really). I am lonely, feel as though I have no purpose, useless, like he really doesn't need me, that I am just a burden to him. Lately he makes decision on major purchases on his own, he may tell me that same day or maybe not at all, we used to talk about it first! It's his money, his house, his cars, I don't work so I am unworthy of any say so. We barely talk, or anything else. I stay busy with grandkids, I am blessed to have them. Went through a major loss two years ago that was a nightmare of an ending, I didn't want to be alone all the time, needed someone to talk to, he is emotionally unavailable. Please pray for us, thank you.

Mar 01, 2017
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Feel the same NEW
by: Anonymous

I feel exactly how you do and am so confused on what to do myself, I have lost someone close to me recently and not only grieved on my own when I found out but attended the funeral on my own, he comes home not any kind of support, I don't really have any advice just to say your not alone.. bills need paying but is this all worth it? At least your hubby has been faithful mine hasn't sadly... and I think that plays on my mind too.. hard being a truckers wife x

Feb 28, 2017
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Fed up!! NEW
by: Anonymous

So my husband left his OTR that was paying around $5k per month back in November to do a local job for fed ex. Well now he is complaining it isn't paying the bills. So he is quitting on Friday and going back OTR. I am devastated. We have a six year old who is as well. He just doesn't understand that this local job was supposed to be permanent. And if he wanted to keep the $5k he just should've stayed at his old job and not shaken our whole family. All I want is to own a home and for him to be a local driver and he is all over the place.

Feb 28, 2017
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Can relate... NEW
by: Anonymous

I can relate. My husband and I have been married 1 year and in that year, I saw him 7 days. It was and is horrible. I havent seen him since 1 day together in October. Our anniversary was in Dec. The stress caused me to question so much and in turn, 5 days before our 1st anniversary he tells me he doesnt love me anymore. I was crushed. Today we are trying to work on it but it is so hard. It is the end of Feb. Now and still he will not come home. Almost 5 months now- no i love you, i miss you or am thinking of you....we were so damn crazy in love and had a simple and beautiful wedding/honeymoon.we were together 6 years before tieing the knot...he has changed and is not the same. No I am not- this life killed us and I am desperately trying to revive us....I wasnt supportive and that drove a wedge of resentment btwn us. I so regret it and wished I was more accepting. The thought of losing him for a life we both wanted is devastating. So much so, that these 5 months are truly nothing when ya think about it...sure it is lonely and I miss so much- that is ok and expected buut I have realized I chose him and what he loves to do and do accept it wholeheartedly..I just hope I am not too late. Decide what you truly want- be with him and support him or else it will most assuredly crumble.

Jan 25, 2017
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Selfish Men NEW
by: Anonymous

Why have men become so bloody selfish ? Why are their jobs more important than their families OR do they prefer to hide from reality?
I don't agree that they do this work so they can provide for their families. I think it suits them to live the single life... have their cake and eat it "when it suits" I've read these comments and it's the women who are walking on egg shells so they don't upset hubby when he comes home.
Where are all the decent men ?

Jan 22, 2017
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30yr driver NEW
by: Anonymous

I am a thirty year truck driver, I was reading the comments from all the ladies.Me and my wife has been together for 28yrs and had our ups and downs, we have two wonderful children and three grandchildren. I have done everything to provide for my family and I always have been very faithful to them and cherish them even to this day. I'm not saying it was easy but we got through it,we worked together on our ups and downs.When the kids got sick or my wife came down sick I put my self my job on the line, thay always came first in my life My wife is gone now that she passed away last May she came down sick, I came off the road for four months to take care of her not caring about my job tho she is gone now she's always on my mind, I still do what I have to to be there for my family. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're husband's are putting their jobs before you and your children, I suggest you and your husband needs to sit down and have a serious talk about things.You need to explain the situation to him, and don't hold any thing back, I had to learn myself the hard way and I'm glad I did, I know we all have to work but they have to be there for you and your family time, if they have to be gone all the time, then the only thing I can say is that the job means more to them. I'm home on weekends and holidays sometimes during the week, so they can do the same if they want to, things can work out trust me been there.

Jan 08, 2017
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At home NEW
by: Partner in OTR

My husband and I have known each other years been together 6. I may be home and may be lonely but our solution is I'm 100% a part of his job. Even when he's a company driver I help map routes, set stops for meals, call ahead and reserve parking. Yes its more work on top of my daily family stuff but I feel involved. It keeps us tied together and I know exactly where he is and usually what he's doing. I feel this involvement keeps us linked and together. If he comes close to home I pack up the kids and we go to meet him for a few hours. Just some suggestions for those struggling to deal with it all.

Dec 27, 2016
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Truckers wife NEW
by: Anonymous

I have been with my husband for 19 years 16 of that him driving... It is very lonely and hard at times not only for us but for them too.. My husband is a very hard worker not selfish he does what he does for his family not himself like most drivers.

Aug 17, 2016
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I want to matter NEW
by: Fed Up

I have been married to a truck driver for 36 years. Raised 3 kids by myself, looked after house, banking, grocery shopping and everything else. He had a few jobs in between which allowed him to be home, but he's back at it. The kids are grown and we now have 4 grandchildren. Looking back I realize I should have left years ago. We are basically weekend room mates. I waited years for him to choose us and find myself now waiting for him to choose me. Pretty much at the end of the line for me. I want to live before it's too late.

Jun 15, 2016
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I understand JoAnna NEW
by: Kay

JoAnna, I hear you. My husband has been in trucking for two years - we have been together three and a half - and I am wondering how much more I can take. I am grateful for his hard her works for myself and our babies but I can feel us drifting apart.

I am in MN , too. Maybe we can start our own truckers' wives group!!

Jun 15, 2016
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Jul 28, 2015
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otr trucker NEW
by: Anonymous

why he won't drive local? he must not be making much money if you still have work.there is a lot of local job that would pay him good money.then he can be a good husband and father.

Jan 04, 2014
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A Husband Whose eyes have opened NEW
by: A Husband

I considered trucking to make a living. I have been married for 15 years. I have changed my mind after reading this.
Truckers are selfish, childish men. I will not accept my family and wife suffering like you have over what? A stupid job? There are other ways to make a good living and guess what, you can also be a husband and be home with your family.
Those a******* are away because they want to be. They want to escape the stresses of raising childeren and families. Its a shame they leave you ladies to do it alone and some of you are decent enough to try. Dont listen to the BS. There are other jobs

For me, I will remain a husband and father, piss on the trucker thing. I would rather have a happy woman.

Sep 13, 2012
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I hate his job.. NEW
by: Anonymous

I need to complain zo here goes. My husband and I own our trucking business. I do all the paperwork, raise ourv11 month old son, deal with our rental House, take care of all the bills,chores everything! He loves hiz job and then half the time hates it. He calls me 15 times a day bitching and moaning about how everything is terrible. He wont try a different career because he says he can't have a boss.He wants to grow the business and I dont think I have the energy to do anymore plus listen his constant bitching. Its funny but I feel like I married his job..... Im so sad:( Whaam I suposed to do its always about him..

Jun 06, 2012
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A lonely truckers wife needs advice NEW
by: Anonymous

I got in the truck with Doug last year. My kids are grown and i have never been anywhere before So I quite my job and started riding with him and i love it. i got really sick with bleeding ulcers and had to stay home for the last 2 months. i cant stand him being gone all the time escecially if i had little ones still running around But children need the daddy around to He's going to look around one day and those babies will be grown and he's going to miss it being gone all the time i love Doug with all my heart but i dont want to be alone Some of my friends and I get together in the morning for coffee All our men are truck drivers i wish you lived close to use cause we all know the lonelyness and we really help each other out Good Luck and hang in there

Nov 12, 2011
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I having one of those days too! lol NEW
by: Anonymous

Things typically are pretty good for me and I am VERY patient. But right now I really have to watch myself. He could have come in late last night but chose to sleep in his truck 45 minutes away to have his truck washed first thing in the morning. First thing I thought was... hmmm the trucks getting some action before I do...lol. Im going to see him later today and I tell myself that what Im feeling is normal and I just have to let it go for now. I only get to see him for appox 12 hours before he's OTR and don't want to make it a miserable 12 hours.... Yes, it does SUCK sometimes...

Nov 03, 2011
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Me too...
by: Brigit

My bf is a truck driver and I came on here to look for some support, I am struggling and it's a lifestyle that few understand. I am lucky that I got to go out with him this Feb - July 2011 and go around the country and it made a huge difference, thankfully we don't have kids or I would lose it. I was unemployed for about a year and a half, in July I got a FT job, so that ended my going out in the truck for a while... I miss him so much tho and it's rough. I am in MN (Twin cities) and like having a local connection... I am not aware of groups of women meeting about this, but it's helping to have found this website. He is out usually a week and a half to 2 weeks and home a few days and then gone again. I long for him to be home all the time, but also wonder what it would be like, he talks about changing careers, so it may happen, he says it's the perfect relationship, he is gone, comes home pays the bills & we spend time together and he is gone again. I disagree, but it's what we are doing for now... Hang in there, hit me back if you like. ; )

Oct 05, 2011
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bless your heart....
by: Anonymous

All the views and emotions you are feeling are all a normal thing of being a Trucker's Wife. We all go through times when we just want to blow that truck up or throw our hands up in the air and say we're done. I don't know a single truckers wife/girlfriend/fiancee that has NOT felt this way at one point in time.

Please know that you are NOT alone and there are plenty of us out here. Have you tried joining a TW support group? There are tons on facebook and other media sources that are full of great women who help each other on a daily basis to deal with everything that you are feeling. Especially on those days when you just need to vent, have an escape, or in need of a good laugh. I would urge you to seek one out, because I think everyone needs someone that they can relate to, and who will understand everything that you are going through. Something that the general public and many people just do not understand.

Having been where you are many times, my heart truly goes out to you. Please know that there are people there that know and care and willing to help.....

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