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New Relationship

I have recently met someone from an online dating site and as it turns out he is a trucker. Funny enough I have said I would never remarry unless it was to someone who isn't around much. Well there you have it. The problem with that is how do you start a relationship with someone who isn't around much? I do believe he is interested in me but it seems we don't really get to talk much. I wonder is he interested in someone else or is it really as he says and its the road? Seems like he is either driving or sleeping most times. In between is the few voice/text messages and even fewer live conversations. We have only met once do to a sudden trip that came up and back out on the road for a couple weeks. I am just curious as to how you start a relationship with someone who isn't around much...and how often you actually get to talk with your loved one while they are out on the road? Any advice would be appreciated.

Samantha

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Aug 13, 2009
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UPDATE
by: Samantha

Thought I would give an update to this letter. I married my trucker on the 18th of July after knowing him only two months!

I am extremely happy about this decision and am throwing myself into his lifestyle wholeheartedly! I know we face some bumps in the road, but with the support out there I am sure we will be fine.

He is an O/O trying to get a small fleet of trucks out and hopefully not have to drive eventually. For the time being he is out when he has to be, and I understand it. It sucks saying goodbye repeatedly especially during the honeymoon period, but hey when he comes home I am always more than happy to see him!!!

Thanks everyone for all the advice and support!

Jul 06, 2009
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Im thankful for this perspective!
by: Anonymous

I recently have gotten to know a trucker man. He is wonderful so far and we have really connected.

As for talking and things, we talk for a very long time almost every day. i have to take what he says at face value because i have nothing to compare it to. You cant start out suspicious, where can that lead?

He is who he is and the more i get to know him the more i like him.

Not only do we talk daily, but he sends me pictures of things he sees, and does it through our cell phones. I think we have gotten to know each other better and faster because we are on the phone talking rather than just rolling around somewhere.

We met online and have been perfectly honest about our activities out there in the world. since we are just starting out i can not tell you how much i appreciate this honesty.

We have spent more time talking on the phone and really getting to know each other more than most new couples do and have decided to hold out for each other and be exclusive and see what happens.

Its all very romantic and fun but at the same time, we are not kids. i have a very busy life here. his home is in a different state. there are hurdles but if we are meant to be, then this will keep moving forward and wont stagnate.

Anyway i guess i just wanted to say that if you really want to talk to someone..when you really want to get to know them more, there is a way to do it. You both only have to WANT to.

Jun 25, 2009
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lol at looking for a thug
by: Jennifer Schnittker

Hervy,

wow did you open a true can of worms, that is so dead on its almost sad!

It is so true that we women are drawn to the "tiger that needs tamed." I fell into that trap so often.

For the first time in my life. I am happy- I dont have a tiger that needs tamed, I have a Puppy that wants loved!

AMAZING the difference!

We gotta get you a good woman now! You clearly are one of those puppies- and worth your weight in titanium!

Jen

Jun 25, 2009
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Online
by: Anonymous

Hi,

I am sorry, It looks like I have not been around much, and have missed loads.

First let me start by saying, if there is little to no communication now, it will not get better. Men, just like women are creatures of habit. It does not worry me in the least that you met online, as that is the way I met Keith.

However, its not like these guys are working in a machine shop. There is not much to do but drive. So excuses for not talking more often seems a bit strange to me.

I would caution you that I would look very hard, and try to figure out why he is not willing to put forth a bit more effort in that specific area.

As always I am always available off of this site to help other truckers "ladies".

I can be contacted via jenspast1991@yahoo.com

I wish you the best

Jen

Jun 02, 2009
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Whewww! That's better.
by: Hervy

Samantha,

You sure sound a lot better than you did with the first post! :-)

Your in a good position then being self sufficient and such. That's a plus.

He said marriage in on his agenda, that's a plus too I guess. If his actions match his words. Back to what April said people will promise you the world and sometimes they may mean it and not realize they are not ready. (That's where the questions and patience comes in).

I think you about have it figured out now. Good luck to you and cover all your bases.

Learn from others.

Notice that April said dude started acting bitter when he came home. As soon as you see a change in attitude and you know your not the cause, plus there is a change in the communication it's a wrap. Don't fool yourself and don't tolerate it, let him walk before getting pregnant or too emotional involved.

Main thing though, is to let him know exactly what you expect up front and for both of you to define the relationship so you are on the same page.

I tell you this Samantha, this is the number one thing that I personally see women mess up on when choosing a dude.

He should be as concerned for your feelings and well being as you are for his. If you don't see this in a person you plan on becoming serious with, you are asking for trouble down the road.

Many, women mess up because instead of looking for that quality in a man, they think they want a thug,(usually just a wanna be) bla bla bla, then they find out the person they choose is self centered and shallow. Of course this means they get used, abused or just treated like crap.

(and cheated on because that's the whole reason the clown is acting like that to attract women because women fall for it, funny how that works)

A real man doesn't have to pretend to be a thug and a real man makes a good woman feel like a Queen.

Best of Luck
Hervy

Jun 01, 2009
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Thank You
by: Samantha Sanson

Thank You guys all so much. I wrote this before finding the information on the type of woman it takes to be with a trucker. I meet all of those head on. I am very self sufficient, strong willed, and not a jealous person at all.

The only reason I posted this is because...yes....marriage is a little early to think about but this guy has put it out there that it is what he wants. I have never been too sure about remarrying but I am at a point that I wonder about it. I have no qualms about the life to be expected with someone who is on the road, it was more about the doubts of starting that relationship in the first place if that makes since.

Starting something so fast with anyone is probably unwise and challenging, doing it with a trucker makes it doubly so. I want to see where it goes so I am going to pursue things.

You have all given me some food for thought and I definitely have some good questions I want to ask him and I guess from there it is a lets see what happens. He seems to be a strong communicator (when we get a chance to talk) and that is a must for what might lie ahead but in the meantime I will see what answers I get and work on building my self a good foundation.

Samantha

Jun 01, 2009
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New relationship
by: April

Samantha,

It's really hard for me to put up any good comments about truckers and new relationships. It takes a very strong woman to initiate a relationship with someone who is a trucker.

It's a different story if you've been with someone a while and then he decides to take a career as a trucker but it is VERY tough to start one this way. I have learned that the best part of a LDR must be communication.

If he's not willing to take the time to communicate with you then it will never work. It's easy to make promises for the future and get caught up in a fairy-tale romance but it is hard work to maintain a relationship of this nature.

I just came out of one in which he promised me the world but when we got down to it, those promises were empty. He was seeing girls in other states and when he did come home, it was a bitter few days. Be careful and find out his background first before you decide to set your sights on marrying the guy. There are a lot of good people on here that will tell it just like it is and a few of them already have.

Good Luck to you

April

Jun 01, 2009
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Slow and Easy and Common Sense
by: Hervy

Hi Samantha,

Nick and Jimmy both made good points.

In this day and time (especially just meeting)it shouldn't be all that hard to make contact with someone that you are truly interested in. I used to pull over and use the payphone when my cell didn't work just so a young lady I was interested in knew that I was thinking about her. (She didn't care though, LOL) wasn't funny then though.

And like Nick said, see if he will let you ride with him if you are able to. Now, unless he says his company doesn't have a rider policy he shouldn't have a problem with that if he is truly into you. (your not moving in with him on the truck).

The main thing is this Samantha, I don't know how old you are, but I think you are old enough to have experienced life a little because you said remarry.

If it looks like a duck and quack like a duck it more than likely is a duck. Don't fool yourself about things and talk yourself into staying in a situation that you feel is not going right.

Sit that guy down and tell him how you feel to see if you two are on the same page. His response to what you tell him should give you a little insight on where his mind is. Go from there.

Base your next move on what you see, not what you wish you saw.

Good luck hope it works out in your best interest.
Keep us filled in, inquiring minds want to know!

Hervy.

Oh, plus, in conversation get some background information from dude. See what he thinks of his last girlfriend, mother, sister. How does he treat women.

May 31, 2009
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Has Samantha met Mr. Right?
by: Jimmy

Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong? Only time will tell. You're making quite a leap from "just met" to marriage. Just play it slow and easy.

I'll say this. Whenever I have been deep in love with someone, I would go to the ends of the earth to spend time with that person. In this high-tech age we are in, there can be miles between us, but with cell phones, computer access, jet planes etc, how much distance is there really? How far would you go to spend a short amount of time with this Mr. Right? If he was layed over in Atlanta, would you jump the big bird and meet up with him there, even if just for the day? Good luck...Jimmy

May 31, 2009
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Well...
by: Nick V

Well Samantha dont take this the wrong way but from the information you have just provided it sounds like it is already a problem. I for one have no idea how to tell you how to get to know someone while they are gone all the time.

Maybe if you can take some time off, go over the road with him, see what he sees, do what he does. Probably give you much more of a respect for exactly how hard these men and women work. Only other information I could suggest is communicate, communicate, communicate. Also i can understand that it is kinda hard to build trust with someone but your gonna need a whole lot of it if your gonna be involved with a trucker.

Understand that if those wheels aren't turnin then the money isn't comin in. So if he is cheating it better be with one hell of a looker because he is missing out on a paycheck to do it.

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