Never Again....

by Ken. Wood
(Peterborough,Ontario, Canada)

Back when I was truckin' and drinkin a bit-I got layed over in Florence South Carolina in a small town. There was no truck stops for miles ,so I asked a guy who ran the biker bar if I could park in his empty lot beside the bar.

He said no problem and that he would make sure It was safe, he even let me use a shower he had for the strippers that worked there on weekends. I showered and eat and went into the bar--I noticed a very large jar on the counter, and saw that it was filled to the brim with $10 bills. I guessed there must have been at least $10K in it.

I approached the bartender and asked What’s with the money in the jar thinking it must be a collection for a biker . Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus.

I certainly wasn’t going to pass this up, so I asked, What are the three tests?” --The bartender says

You gotta pay first, those are the rules.” So I thought it over a while while havin a few whiskeys, and said okay-I gave the bartender $10 which he put into the jar. Okay he says , here’s what you need to do --

First — You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can’t make a face while doing it.

Second — There’s a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third — There’s a 90-year old lady upstairs who’s never had sex in 20yrs. You have to take care of that problem. I was stunned! I said--I know I paid my $10 — but I’m not an idiot! I won’t do it! You’d have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!

Your call,” he said, but, your money stays where it is. As the evening went on, I had a few more whiskeys and finally I said, Where’s the damn tequila?---- Now this is what they told me I did from that point on ---as

I was ripped -and don't recall..I grabbed the bottle with both hands and drank it as fast as I could. Tears were running down both cheeks — but I didn’t make a face — and I drank it in 58 seconds!

Next, I staggered out the back door where I saw the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar heard loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a hell-of-a fight — then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that I surely must be dead, I staggered back into the bar. my clothes were are ripped to shreds and I was bleeding from bites and gashes all over my body. I guess I yelled as loud as I could

Now . . . where’s that old woman with the bad tooth?---- I haven't drank tequila since.. Old Oscar said that !!!