Joyce

by Joyce
(Detroit, MI)

When I met my husband he was an OTR driver. He promised me when we hit two years of marriage he would find local work. Two years passed in May of this year, now he's asking me for 3 more years. Says he had a 5 year plan when me met me.

I explained to him when he set that plan he did not have a wife. We are currently on the outs and I feel he has not been faithful to me during our entire marriage(starting at 3 months). I recently discovered he has a second cell phone (pre-paid). So the person probably doesn't know he's married. I am not currently working so the option right now for divorce is not on the table. I need the health insurance.

Although, he says he does not want a divorce, and of course says he is not messing around. (Then why the 2nd phone) Spiritually and physically I have moved on. Emotionally I am a wreck.

How have you ladies dealt with the emotional side of the wife of a trucker?

Comments for Joyce

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Jun 18, 2011
Rating

when is it time to let go? Only you know
by: Hervy

Sorry about the pain your going through right now Joyce.

It seems that you have made some important observations about the reality of your situation and took smart actions. Good for you.

If after trying to have a serious talk with your husband you don't get an enthusiastic response in trying to make things right I think you will feel liberated in going forward.

One thing I do want all of you ladies to do if it is possible......

(and I don't know your specific situation)

Never sit around dependent on any man's charity or benefits, etc. Doesn't matter what he says about he'll take care of you, etc. Unless you are tied down with other things like raising a special needs child, elderly parents, etc.

You should always be in the process of getting training or working so that you are able to be self sufficient and independent if necessary.

So many women suffer greatly either by staying in an abusive relationship because of the benefits and by not being able to pay bills after being abandoned all because they allowed the man to take care of them while things were good as they withdrew from the workforce or bettering themselves with school.

Stay engaged in a productive life aside from the marriage. It's healthy and wise.

But back to the issue at hand.

Make sure you get involved with local support group and know that it is not you at all, you happened to end up with someone who evidently doesn't appreciate what he has or is going through some phase that is not meant for married men.

If you have tried to salvage this to your satisfaction without proper response keep in mind what Laura said and her current situation.

Take a look at this video too. You might find it interesting.

when is it time to let go

Jun 16, 2011
Rating

My husband is a Cheetah
by: joyce

Thanks Ladies for your comments and encourgement. I am currently in survival mode tears are gone. I have taken his name off bank accounts, stocks etc. Thank God, I did not put his name on my house. I know what I have to do and that is to file and make him pay for it. I did not listen to the subtle signals when we were dating. Something just didn't sit right, but I listened to my girlfriends and married him anyway. I know all truckers are not like mine and wish you all many happy years,he could be doing the same thing if he were working at the local grocery store. Looking back on his life he is a "SERIAL ADULTER", who places his toxins on others. Meaning he does not take responsibility for his actions which means he does not learn from his behavior and will continue to do it. I plan on asking for spousal support (since I'm not working). And I have my wish list armed and ready for the attorney.

Jun 16, 2011
Rating

Want vs Need
by: Laura

So sorry to hear about the emotional roller coaster you have been on. My experience with my ex spouse ( who was in construction ) sounds simliar. The signs were there but I was terrified to try and make it out there on my own with three kids. Then, HE left me for the other woman... I had no choice but to sink or swim. Survival mode kicks in first followed ny a sense of accomplishment, followed by the question - Geez, why did I not leave him a long time ago?... What a fool I was. Health insurance aside - you are a strong, resourceful person. You have to think -Is this the person I WANT to spend my life with...? not.. is this the person I NEED to spend my life with?

Two years later, I found a wonderful man - who happens to be a trucker.....huge breath of fresh air for me... I found who I WANT to spend my life with. Good luck to you...

Jun 16, 2011
Rating

trucker wife
by:

I filed for divorce and asked for spousal support. It is still in the works but the judge said I will get full support becasue I only work part time and he was full time trucker. Don't wait around for him because it doesn't get any better. Sorry I can't give you any encouragement.
Get out while you still can.

Jun 16, 2011
Rating

Joyce
by: DZRTJULjoice

So sorry to hear. You probably, would be better off to just move on. You have to look at and notice the red flags!!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Truckers wife profile.