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In a new relationship with an OTR Trucker.. what am I in for?

by Lori
(Lasalle, Ontario, Canada)

I met an amazing man approximately 4 months ago. He drives long haul primarily from Ontario to Alberta and down into Texas and back. He's gone anywhere from 12 - 14 days at a time. I am also recently separated from my first marriage since February of this year and have 2 children 8 and 10.

Things were fairly casual at first but we talked and texted constantly for the first few months when he was on the road and saw each other every day when he was home. The past few trips the texts and calls have backed off a little but he still checks in frequently and we speak on the phone at least 2 or 3 times each trip.

Although the actual 'face' time has been limited, I am finding myself becoming serious about the relationship and I believe the feeling is mutual.

I miss him terribly when he is gone but the time we do spend together is amazing. It is getting harder and harder to say goodbye to him when he leaves.

I have done quite a bit of reading online about the stresses that trucking can have on a relationship. I guess I am hoping to get actual feedback from women with OTR truckers for a spouse or boyfriend. I would love to commit to this man but I have 2 children to consider who have already been through heart-break at the loss of their dad.

Am I jumping from the frying pan into the fire?

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Sep 15, 2012
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In the meantime NEW
by: Anonymous

Yes you have a chance at a new life and yes you are correct when you say that it is hard to give up the money, and yes who knows when he does quit OTR that he will not like a 9-5 job? Mainly because when your on the road you are the boss, will he be able to handle someone else telling him what to do all day long. I think not.

Truckers are not the only ones who feel or go through this. For many years I was the boss. I was a General Manager who took care of 250 employees wrote the checks, no clocking in set the rules etc.... when it came time for me to retire and move on to a new career I just about died!! Having to put up with people ordering me around all day!! I couldn't take it. I had to start my own business and be in a place for me that is in my blood. So yes you are correct it may be in his blood and once he quits OTR there is a big possibility he will turn around and go right back to that job....

I still wish you well in your life and it is a very good thing to read self help books just in case something happens you will be equipped with knowledge on how to handle things.

God Bless! :)

Sep 15, 2012
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Reply to Kash's Wife NEW
by: Lori

Yes I am crazy. I know it. We don't always pick who we are attracted to or who we fall in love with.

I may be only 6 months out of my marriage but that relationship fell apart long before that, I just didn't realize it until I was out of it. When my ex left me for another woman I was shocked but after about 2 weeks I was more shocked that I wasn't more broken up about it. After 22 years together and all the ups and downs we faced together you would think that I would have mourned my loss more or been filled with more anger. But I wasn't. I was surprisingly relieved and actually embraced my freedom. Don't get me wrong, I spent the first 2 months trying to put my family back together because I thought that is what I should do. It wasn't until I stumbled on Pete that I truly realized that I had been with the wrong man all along.

One of the things I faced early on and accepted was that I was a 51 yr old woman with 2 young children. What man would want to get involved in that scenario? I was and still am prepared to go it alone. I have a good job with good supports and I am a strong independent woman. But that aside, I still hope for love.

It was 17 days from the initial e-mail before Pete and I came face to face with one another. But in that 17 days we had talked more than my ex and I had in the entire 3 years before. And once we did finally meet, I was a gonner and think he was too.

Pete has done his best to keep me grounded. He is pretty frank about how difficult this is going to be and I think even in his mind he questions how long I will last. He has been in relationships since his divorce that couldn't withstand the stress of the road. He says that he doesn't want to continue OTR for much longer, and it's not as easy for him now that we are together because he misses home so much more now. But I'm not going to fool myself into thinking that he would give it up for me. I know that it is hard to walk away from the money that OTR offers. I know that once the freedom of the road is in their blood, it's hard to go back to being a 9-5'er.

I want to learn to be a good support to him. I want to do my best to make his time at home what he needs while still fulfilling my needs.

So, am I crazy? I guess only time will tell :)

Sep 15, 2012
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Time NEW
by: Kash's Wife

So you are recently divorced or out of the relationship with your children's father. And you want to pursue a relationship with OTR driver.
Are you crazy?

I have been through a Divorce before & let me tell you, Its not just an easy cake walk to just up & leave your spouse nor being left.
Give yourself alot of time before pursuing a relationship and might i suggest reading these books: "Rebuilding" when your relationship ends by Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Robert Alberti
Or
"Self Matters" by Phillip C. McGraw,Ph.D

Sep 14, 2012
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Dear relationship NEW
by: Anonymous

I am sorry to hear of you and your children's loss.

I hope you will take time out for you and your children's sake and think things through before entering into a relationship that has been primarily texting and phone calls. Long distance relationships are hard even if it isn't an OTR driver. Since it is, there are other things to consider. Since he isn't around much of the time now, it will probably remain the same way as long as he is an OTR driver.

You will need to reach deep down inside to see if this is what you want, and consider that men don't just give up their jobs just because they want to be with someone and especially not in this economy.

Another thing to ask yourself is do you want a long distance relationship if you decide to hook up with this person? Because that is pretty much what it is to be with an OTR driver.

Yes there are some pretty sad stories about the relationships of this group of people. Are you up to that if it happens? Then there are some really good stories about how lucky some women have been with their OTR driver.

Only you can answer the question if you should take the chance in going into a relationship with no knowledge of what it is like to be with an OTR driver. For me it's been great, for others not so great. Try and take some time before going in this direction, at the least a year and see how it goes, if you become frustrated with it all well think of the consequences it will have for you, oh and especially for your children!

God Bless and best wishes :)

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