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I'm scared and he isn't even on the road yet!

by Jess
(Pittsburgh)

Hey ladies!

Let me just say thank you to who put up this site. It has been a real blessing. My fiance and I have been together for almost 5 years now, and he is in trucking school. As soon as he graduates, he will be over the road trucking and gone a week at a time.

We are both very worried. We know we love each other deeply, but we just moved in together a year ago and we are afraid to leave each other's side.

He is very stressed with the studying, and I am stressed with dealing with the household and how stressed he is when he comes home.

He told me a statistic today, about how 60% of OTR driver's women leave them. He worries that because we haven't had the big ol 'S' word much lately that I will leave him... I know it's the stress talking, but I also know that when I was in college and I didn't see him for weeks at a time that I was a wreck and didn't make it much better for either of us back then.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, we are both very stressed right now, we are deeply in love even after all these years and hate to leave one another even if it's for a couple days.

So we are going over all of the worst scenarios in our heads and it's driving us crazy. We are planning to get married next May, and then I can come with him until I start my business and have a little one to keep me occupied.... but how do we both cope right now???

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Mar 14, 2014
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THANK YOU!!! NEW
by: Jess

Thank you both! And especially you, Harvey, for the wonderful advice and this website! I have talked to him more about it, it seems he is more worried than me, which is understandable. But I keep him worry free by starting now, making lunches for him, buying the food and drink he loves and adding little notes in his lunch for when he's in school... HE LOVES IT! My support is making him more confident in us and his career choice, thank you so much again!!

Mar 06, 2014
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worried NEW
by: Anonymous

I agree with Hervy, don't worry about it so much. After he gets a full year of otr under his belt, he can go local, home daily, or other options to get him home sooner. It sounds like you have done some research, now do some more to find the options that will suit both of you. You certainly don't want him on the road, away from home and stressed out from it. It will not help either one of you. He will need to focus on his job and safety. If the both of you are on the same page and have a long and short term plan this will make everything so much easier on you both. Take care and enjoy life !!

Mar 06, 2014
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Consider Looking At It This Way NEW
by: Hervy

Jess,

This is Hervy the guy who put the site up, not a trucker's wife. Glad you fine the website useful. I put it up but a lot of awesome visitors help make it tick. Questions like yours also help because someone else will want to know the answer also. So, thanks to YOU and all of our awesome visitors and regulars for keeping the community alive.

To your worries....

It's so refreshing that you 2 are still so in love.

While it is natural to experience some anxiety about such a significant change in what you 2 are used to, keep in mind that we often allow our minds to race and worry us about things that will never happen.

In your case, of course he will be leaving your side for short spells of course, but it doesn't mean bad things will happen.

Tell him, don't focus on the 60% of women who leave, focus on the 40% that stay. Also communicate to him WHY it is that you will be there for him. I guarantee, he will also assure you why he will be your man in turn.

As for you, don't focus on the small percentage of drivers who wreck. Focus on the many more that never wreck. By the way, of those the wreck, most don't even get hurt. The point is when you look at the big picture, it's more likely that you are worrying about him wrecking for nothing. He is worrying about the relationship for nothing.

Easier for me to say of course. However, I invite you to consider the perspective that I have laid out. Nothing wrong with entertaining worse case scenarios momentarily so that you can plan accordingly. However, don't allow your mind to take control and stay centered on the worse that could happen.

Make a conscious decision to focus on the fact that he is protected, the relationship is protected, make success inevitable. Talk about what you will do to endure, be more safe, stay connected, remain involved in each others lives while apart. This will help reinforce the understanding that everything will work out fine.

Remember that this is just the small part of a bigger plan where the situation will be much different. You will be riding together soon. By the way, I don't know if you have to wait until marriage before you can ride. You may be able to ride before then.

Just one more thing for you 2 to consider. Those who fall victim to statistics, likely never researched like you did. They never had the chance to proactively make the relationships work. They never thought about how to come back home safely.

Many of us take such things for granted. (We start researching or asking questions after the problems start) However, since you have now looked at the potential effects of trucking and will proactively do things to avoid being a statistic, it's even more reason why you be confident, feel some comfort and even rejoice.

Choose happiness over stress and give yourselves a hand. There is every reason to have faith in the future you desire.

You have done well and will enjoy a fruitful return for your wisdom.

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