How do I get over the sadness and emptiness I feel with him being gone?

by Missy
(West Virginia)

I have been married for almost 12 years. Me and my husband have very rarely been apart in our marriage and In April he was downsized from his job.

The only way he knew to make ends meet was to become a truck driver. So in May he did just that.

He signed on with Cr England and went to school and got his cdl license. When he walked out the door the morning to go to the bus for the school I felt so abandoned and alone.

MY life had just turned upside down and I could not do anything about it. It doesn't help that we were lied to about the whole process he was told that he would be able to go to the school get on a phase 1 trainer truck and drive 14000 miles then come home for a few days then he would go back and drive on a phase 2 trainer truck for 12000 miles, and then he could come home again....

It averaged out to be 6 weeks gone the first time and 3 weeks the second and then he would get his truck and come home every three weeks.

Well 6 weeks turned into 9 and he still wasn't home.... It is so unbearable for me but he did finally get to come home for a few days.

It was great we ACTED like there was not a big elephant in the room so to speak. What hurt the most was that he got a job offer to go to a company where he would be home more often but he decided he wouldn't do that cause if he went back out over the road and leased with Cr he could build his credit and make more money plus he would be a trainer and that would build his resume in the next 6 months to be able to get more money from a different company.

Well I tried to explain to him becoming a company driver for the other company would be the same amount of money and he would be home every weekend but if he went back to Cr he would only be home every 3 weeks cause they just don't care if you have a family.... He walked anyway.

The second time around I got that same abandonment issues and I'm even more sad now than I was the first time he left.

This time around I don't even have a job so all I can do is sit here with thoughts as to why he WANTED to go back to Cr... I have nothing but time on my hands.

Yesterday I did all the inside and outside house work in short of 4 hours then had nothing to do the rest of the day and when I sat down and looked around all I could think is I did it all for nothing cause he isn't going to come home tonight and see and be proud of it....

I am so lost without my husband home everyday and I am not sure how to handle it... Not to mention that he told me that the first time he was gone I was an evil unsupportive woman and it did a great deal of damage to him and put a strain on our marriage.

It wasn't me trying to be evil it was me missing him and trying to talk about it cause he just didn't want to hear about how sad I was.... That made me angry.

He took my life away from me and then didn't want to be there to help me through the transition.

I feel like I have no one now and I just need to find out how to work it out for myself and not be so sad over this and how to save my marriage when he is only home once a month.....

I am so sad and lonely all the time does anyone have any suggestions on how to get through it?