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He says he doesn't feel at home when he comes home

by Jessica
(Glendale, Az, USA)

My boyfriend states that he doesn't feel at home when he comes home and that it is an inconvenience when he does take some time off. We where together 3 years before he was a truck driver.

Now a year into his new career he wants to call things off. Is there anything I could have done differently?! We use to talk everyday and Skype but he started to distance himself the last 2 weeks.

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Oct 19, 2016
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Update
by: Jessica

Yep. Turns out he has been seeing his ex behind my back for the last couple months. Not sure if he ended our relationship out of guilt or want to commit himself to her.

Either way his ex was the reason he ended up in jail in the past. She brought out the worst in him and is leading him in a downward spiral fast. I know for a fact that he is drinking out on the road. I thought they weren't allowed any liquor in there trucks. He is either going to end up fired, in jail or, dead.

My main concern at the moment is paying the bills. We have a shared lease together that he now wants no part of even though the lease isn't over till May. What do I do? He has backed me so far into a corner.I'm scared about the future.

I can't afford the rent on my own and have been trying to find a roommate with no luck. How do I find the strength and courage to move forward when I feel so trapped and lost?

Sep 01, 2016
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cheater
by: Anonymous

I hate to say this , but he may be seeing someone else

Aug 29, 2016
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a different view
by: Ice_Mystic

It is hard to say whether you could have done anything different, there is no detail about how you or he handled him being on the road, how did you deal with stuff at home? did you ever go on the road with him? what was his home time like?
Do you live together? Do you have children?

Did you two discuss what it would be like for the both of you before he went on the road? Or did he just decide to do it and you were dragged into it?

Trucking is very hard on both the drivers and the ones left at home. They are under a tremendous amount of stress. And as girlfriend/wife, you are expected to take on responsibilities that you probably would have normally got him to do. It's a big adjustment for all involved.

Personally I would take a good hard look at the relationship before trucking and see if it was good and strong, is it worth fighting for. Or is it time to move on. I would also ask him if he has met someone else? Why it feels inconvenient?
Does he want to work at the relationship or just pack it in. What can be done differently to make it easier on the both of you, but still have a relationship?

Communication is huge, especially when one partner is away from home, you may have talked every night, but about what?

Most importantly, and you need to think of this, WHY is it anything you've done or why do you need to be the one that does something different? What if it's just him? To say you and coming home to you is an inconvenience???? That's not good at all. You should be the reason he fights for home time!!!! Think about that

Good luck, I hope the best for you, whatever that will be.

Aug 27, 2016
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Had you seriously talked about the future
by: Hervy

Sounds like either he might not have thought about the future with regards to the relationship with you.

Or, he changed his mind about it.

The reason I say that mainly is because you say he used the word inconvenience. Well, he is right if his priority is to make money coming home IS an inconvenience. With most companies, it will definitely put a damper on your monthly gross if you must be home every 2 or 3 weeks.

However, if his priority is to make money at the expense of the relationships unless you all have a main goal of eliminating some debt, then that shows where you stand with him. I am guessing, since you said he is ready to end it, that his main goal is to make money and not be in a serious relationship... Or not be in a relationship with you.

It doesn't really sound like you could have done much different Jessica. I mean I don't know much about what transpired.

I don't know if yous guys had issues along the way that never got addressed. For instance, something that you did which he disliked and you never stopped the habit. (For instance if you went out every weekend...) I am making a example...

If something like that(a habit that was never changed) was a contributing factor then sure you could probably have changed that and he would still be interested in building together.

My guess is though, you probably never really talked in detail about the future together. Why do I say that. One reason is because you dated for 3 years. Did yall have a wedding day planned and if so was just a conversation to stay together or was it a serious date?

Cause I will tell you, younger guys and perhaps some older ones will easily talk vaguely about the future with a woman and might even seriously plan on staying together, that is unless, something else happen before 'the future' happens.

See what I mean?

But the main take away to me are these two things.

1. Ask HIM is there anything that you could have done differently for him not to want to let it go.
That will either give you insight on your or him. I am talking about just a mature heartfelt conversation. Not an emotional one. He won't want to have it if you are emotional and trying to change his mind and all that.

Just tell him you are working on becoming a better person so you would like to know the answer to the question.

2. Don't fight it. If he isn't sure he wants you, or knows that he doesn't, and you know you are a good catch or deserve a ring (if that is what you want one day) then see this as an opportunity to be available for that.

Sometimes we settle for what we got and it keeps us from being available for what we deserve.

Meanwhile become the best version of yourself as possible. Also do the constructive and positive things that you might not have been able to do as half of a couple.

In other words, make the most out of your new singleness. If that where it is going.

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