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He And I Are Thinking of Buying a House

by Tammy Lynn
(Syracuse, NY)

My boyfriend is usually out and average of 2 weeks at a time and home 2-4 days.

We are interested in buying our first home, but he hates the expense and every thing that comes with it and feels it's not worth it because hes not home enough.

How can I convince him that it's not all about him and just because he cant enjoy it every day doesnt mean it's not worth it?

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Sep 12, 2019
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Couple Buying A House
by: Hervy

Hard addressing this with limited info. Details matter.

Hopefully you've been together for a long period of time. On the other hand again if thats the case, why just a boyfriend?

Are both of you on the same page about the relationship?

That's number 1.

By the way, dont assume. Discuss the desires and thought of your relationship together 5, 10 years from now.

How many kids are you going to have? How much will you save per month toward retirement? Etc.
(This convo gives you insight the seriousness of the relationship plans)

And by the way are you OK with a self centered person? Or is he not self centered just not aware of his perspective and its implications including disregard for stability and security in a foundation for the relationship.

(Again this is tricky because im talking foundation and stability but you are only boyfriend and girlfriend. That said i realize this is 2019 and people are marrying later in life.)

Part 2.

Assumimg you like the response to part 1......

Would this house be going in both of your names?

And do you also have income. Ideally both of you would be contributing to the payments if in both names especially if he will be gone.

Otherwise you might experience a sense of self entitlement or resentment from him at some point. I especially expect this due to him already bringing up the fact that he will not be there much.

Part 3....How to get him to understand its not about him.

After the serious conversation about the future it should help him see its not just about him.

If he plans on being with you its just a smart financial move if you're sure where you will live and you get a good deal on the property.

Interests will likely be low for another 6 months to a year though. So yoy have time to save and improve credit if needed while you find the perfect place.

Go to you county Geographical Information Services website and get the list of foreclosures. Them contact the owner to see if thwy want to sell.

Or go to the courthouse and ask them where to find the list of properties that will go to auction due to tax liens. (Assuming you have or can get the cash for a winning bid)

You're likely to get a property with equity from day 1 going either route. Which means its no sense in worrying about the expense. You are already can sell it for more that you pay for it even if you have to pay to fix it up.

Part 4.. Change his perspective

He doesnt have to drive truck forever. And depending on what your plans are for relationship he maybe shouldnt.

I always tell couple to have a plan for transitioning outnof trucking. 5 years, 10 years etc.

Based on your plans for relationship/future family.

So if there are no kids and you dont work you might ride or get your CDL amd run teams. Make money to buy the house, fix the house up and save a bag to start a business or generate income other than trucking.

Again i dont knw the details maybe you already got money. If so thats great!

If there are kids then I guess you are there with them. So the focus can be him growing in trucking. Get the money then transition out.

He can buy a train for more money. Or buy a truck and get his authority. Then once he gets the truck paid for in less than 3 years he can save a bag of money and then have the time as he does now but make as much money.

Point being.....the current situation is not expected to be the same in the future. If he can understand that and yall plan on being together this should be easy for him to understand.

What i always say is your actions today determine your future tomorrow. Tell him that.

If you guys just think about the future you want and make some goals and a road map based on that future it kind of takes the anxiety and apprehension out of it.

By the way, if you search the site, i cover all of this stuff on different pages. Owner op, getting authority, money management, buying a truck, long distance relationships (planning and discussion questions)

Im on my cell typing all of this in a truckstop so i cant post the links conveniently.

Best wishes and best of luck. Let us knw how it turns out with him coming around.

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