He and his Mom made the decision as if they are the married couple

by Jane Doe
(Missouri)

Love and Trucking

New to being a trucker's wife and in need of advice

Hello my husband has just become a truck driver and is gone. he comes in when he can but the day to day is just so hard. I miss him so much and we really weren't in a good place when this was decided.

I didn't really have a say in the matter. He talks to his mom about the decision more than he talked to me and I don't want to be out of the loop and have his mother know everything before i do. Since it wasn't a decision that we made together and he and his mom made it as if they were the married couple.

I'm not sure on how to handle the situation. Please help

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Jan 06, 2017
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Still a Moma's boy
by: Hervy

I have come across a good number of these scenarios where the husband is so close to the mom that he tells her everything and communication with the wife is lacking. (They go hand in hand)

Usually the guy was the only child and the father was not there. The Mom was super protective and something like a helicopter parent. Sure that's not always the case but often is.

I only mention that because if that is the case then you can see how he ended up that way. It is important not to take it personal. Because unless you did something to make him act that way, it likely is not personal and he doesn't even know (or believe if you told him about it) that his behavior is that extreme.

Having said that, obviously it is not something that you deserve or should expect in a marriage. If you have not talked to him about that behavior, you need to bring it up to him. However, do watch your tone and the manner in which you discuss this. Men definitely don't want to hear this from a woman, lol. But do it with love for the relationships and a desire for making it stronger. Do it with maturity and not from a purely selfish or victimization place of emotion. (I hope you can see what I am saying)

Addressing it one way will be more objective where the intent is felt as to improve and strengthen the relationship. He may receive it quicker.

Addressing it the other will be unpleasant with a finger pointing woeth me feel and he will only put a guard up and deny it.

When you talk about it, have examples of how you were left out of the conversation and important decisions that affect your lives together were made without you, but did include your mother-in-law.

This is a delicate conversation. The tendency will be for him to feel you are jealous of his Mom. If he is a Christian you might point out that he is suppose to prioritize you 1st as a married man over his mother once you're married.

If he could care less about religion, just ask him to use common sense (don't say it that way, lol) and ask him how would he feel if you treated him that way. Didn't value his input but got the feedback of your Father for everything.

I also suggest counseling or relationships coaching if he will go. That will put a highlight on his behavior without if coming all from you.

You might also download this pdf and go over the sheet with him.

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