feeling connected with my boyfriend new job

me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 9 months now. towards the beginning of our relationship, he lost his job and decided to get his CDL, I was supportive and have continue to try to be, but he’s been out on his own for about a month now and I’m really struggling. for context, I am borderline and I do feel that that is important in this context.

he typically gets home friday night and leaves out very early on sunday morning. he comes home every weekend, but I still feel like I never see him. when he’s on the road, we call for maybe half an hour a day on average, and many days we don’t get to call at all because I’m a full-time college student and I work part time on top of that.

He doesn’t text me almost at all throughout the day (the record is like 3 texts). I love him to death, but I’m really struggling to still feel close and connected to him.

I feel like it’s also important to say that he had longer weekends while training, he usually left out sunday night or monday morning instead. his weekend time suddenly getting cut in half when he got his truck hasn’t helped.

in addition to that, I’m never allowed to talk about how I feel about this job. every time I start talking about how I feel about his job I am immediately shut down. he says something along the lines of “it’s hard on me too” if we’re on the phone or “let’s enjoy our time together” if he’s home.

I never have the chance to get out all of these frustrations and I think it’s just making matters worse. It’s gotten to the point that I’m absolutely devastated to the point that I can’t do anything except lay in bed and cry most of the day.

On sundays after I take him to his truck and I’m getting snappy and anxious around him on the weekends. I just want some sense of normalcy and to feel connected.

I love him and I know maybe I need to give things time to settle, but this job feels like it’s only getting harder the longer he does it. Any advice on how to still feel secure and connected to your partner in your relationship would be much appreciated, especially if any of you also have bpd.

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Nov 10, 2025
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by: Hervy

Hey there, I truly appreciate you being so open and honest about what you’re feeling right now. That takes courage — especially when emotions are this deep.

This lifestyle ain’t easy — for the driver or the partner. And the truth is, a lot of people don’t talk about what you're feeling until it’s already broken them down.

First off, I want to say this:
You’re not crazy, weak, or selfish for feeling this way. Wanting to feel connected, seen, and supported is natural — especially when love is involved. And especially when you're also navigating BPD, college, and a part-time job. That’s a lot.

Truck driving, especially in the early stages, can create a weird kind of "silent distance" that no one prepared you for. The schedule flips fast. The stress gets real. The emotional bandwidth drops for both people — but sometimes, the partner at home is the one carrying the heaviest emotional load. And when you say you feel shut down when you try to talk about it... yeah, that stings. That’s real.

Here’s the thing:

🧠 1. His world has shifted... but so has yours.

He might feel like he's grinding to provide and survive out there, but you’re also adjusting to an invisible shift in the relationship. And you deserve space to talk about that without guilt or shutdowns. Communication isn't just about updates — it’s about connection.

💔 2. You’re craving presence, not just physical time.

And he might not realize that 30 minutes of intentional connection can feel deeper than a full weekend of distracted togetherness. Try talking with him during a calm time (not Sunday!) about creating a little "daily ritual" — even a 10-min check-in call where both of you share something real.

📱 3. Small things add up.

A voice note. A "thinking of you" text. A funny pic from the road. He may not realize how far those go. If he can’t text all day, maybe y’all set a shared note or private IG just to drop random moments into.

🛠️ 4. Real talk: if you can’t express how you feel, the connection will suffer.

Love means holding space — not dodging hard conversations. You’re not asking him to quit his job. You’re asking to be heard. If that’s not happening, it’s fair to say, "I don’t need you to fix it — I just need to know you care enough to listen."

❤️ You’re not alone, and you're not wrong for struggling.
You’re human. With a heart that wants to be met — not managed.

Let him know what connection looks like for you. And give yourself permission to set boundaries, ask for what you need, and be fully human in this messy transition.

You matter. Your voice matters. And I’m glad you shared it here.

Stay strong, stay open — but don’t stay silent.

Another options for someone who has not evolved enough to handle this maturely (also know as listening to your partner who is suffering) is to write a letter and give it to him.

And be fully 100% to respond if he ask why the letter. "Because I want you to know how I'm feeling and you seem not to understand how important it is to listen."

Now here is something you probably don't want to hear, If he can't wrap his mind around what you're trying to express to him, suggest counseling.

And if he refuses to listen to you,
refuses counseling,
refuses to make changes to make you feel more connected,

You need to seriously reconsider this relationship. Because either he has a lot of maturing to do or he doesn't really care. Either one of those is not fair for your to endure.

How does that end? How long do you take it?
Right, so if you don't want to just keep taking this treatment then try to change it and if that doesn't work, tell him you are giving him space and protecting yourself from further psychological turmoil.

Obviously i don't know details of your situation so maybe you can or can't do all this. For example if he is the only one bringing in money then maybe you also feel or are trapped in the relationship.

OK, fine. Then you can spend your time and attention working on learning how to make money from home instead of the relationship. Kill two birds with one stone. If he cares he will notice you've shifted your attention and perhaps if he cares he will come around. And if he doesn't come around then eventually you are making money online and you can move on.

Easier for me to say than for you to do, but if you think this makes a little sense then it's something to consider. If you think it will help you long term.

I had to leave a young lady a few years ago because of how she treated me. It wasn't easy... in fact, it was painful for a whole year... But what a relief! And the pain does fade.

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