Every weekend to three days in four to six weeks

by Stephanie
(Virginia)

I am a 31 year old stay at home mom of four kids ages 9, 7, and twins 5. My wonderful 32 year old husband of 11 years has been driving for 9 years.

For 9 years I complained about only seeing him on the weekends. Now I know I was being silly and took it for granted.

I feel so very alone. My kids are all in school for the first time this year. He started 1 week after they went. I hadn't gotten use to that yet and wham. I don't know what to do with what I feel.

I am sad, happy for him (he is taking better care of himself) (he is happier with what he does now), and is not alone all the time.

He has changed a lot. A LOT. Before we would argue daily over BS because he still tried to have all control from the road and he got it.

He would take his anger out on me and the kids every weekend. It wasn't always bad but he was not a happy person to be around. Always strung out. Shower, throw dirty clothes downstairs, recliner, grunt for a beer, and be waited on hand and foot.

Now he is telling he is sorry for all he put me through. He is very calm, sounds very loving, really cares about how we are doing and told me to handle the bills and budget, of course within limitations. A huge change. HUGE.

I feel bitter. Very bitter. I put up with so much crap that I probably shouldn't have for years and now he changes and that makes it all okay. It's not okay. How do I deal with that?

It's not okay to treat me like crap most of the time for years. To treat me less than him. It doesn't make it okay. I have no more tears to cry. I am not angry nor sad, just numb. I don't know where to begin having a conversation with him about anything I feel.

I am so scared that its all talk and it will be the same when he gets home. He's been out 5 weeks now. I have missed him with my soul. So many mixed emotions