Anxious about leaving to go over ther road

(GEORGIA)

When my husband decided to go into trucking, we made the decision that we would give notice on our rental when he finished training and I would go with him on the road if he liked it.

We have no children at home and we have been wanting to relocate anyway. Well, he has come to the end of his training and he LOVES it. I have been very excited about joining him and hope to eventually get my CDL so we can drive team.

We have worked together before and have really never been apart until he left to go OTR. He should be home in 2 days. I am supposed to be out of our house in 3 days.

So I have been packing the house, finding a home for my pets, the rear brakes on my car went out (of course the parts I need for my car are not ones that you can just run down to Oreilly's for) and since I am not from here I have had a really, really hard time finding any one to help me move, (can't afford a moving company) but did finally find a young man whom I paid to help me with the heavy stuff.

Overall I am feeling very very stressed.

Actually, I have had a good outlook about it all and know that I am just doing my part so that we can be together when he gets finished.

My dilema really comes from the fact that the last few days, my husband has been very stressed, testing out and trying to work his way back to the terminal so I can get to him.

Everytime he calls me he yells and hangs up on me. I haven't even told him about all of the things that have gone wrong on this end. If he makes me cry he yells because I don't understand and am just trying to make it more difficult on him.

Believe me, I understand as well as I can due to the fact that I have not been in his shoes. But now I am feeling very shut down to him. I don't care if he calls because I don't dare talk, I just have to listen.

My feelings are hurt and I am not looking forward to going at all. I don't feel like I know him any more. I am sure all of this will pass after we spend some time together.

I just wondered if anyone else has felt this way. Maybe I just needed to vent because I am not one to talk to anyone about my marriage because it has always been very sacred.

I love my husband with all my heart, but right now, I don't like him at all.

Comments for Anxious about leaving to go over ther road

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May 11, 2012
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THANKS NEW
by: Anonymous

Hervy,
Thank you for your comments. I'm sure that this is a case of bad circumstances happening all at once. We have been through several situations in our marriage that have been much more difficult than this and always work through it together. I guess that's why this has taken me by surprise. You have really helped me and I appreciate the comments coming from someone on "that side of the fence".

May 10, 2012
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Some people NEW
by: Hervy

Hi,

Hate you are experiencing all of this frustration and anxiety. I can see that it must feel very unpleasant. I don't think you two have a serious problem.

Just a bad set of circumstances at once.

When you say trying to work his way back to the terminal, I draw the conclusion that loads were cancelled or he told you of the dispatcher having trouble getting him routed to others places chasing a load to get him home.

This definitely will get to some people if they don't look at this is the very nature of trucking. If you displayed frustration when he expressed to you the difficulties that he was encountering while trying to get back in, it definitely could cause some people to take it hard and show in his attitude toward you.

If that or something similar was the case, be sure in the future to not express your frustration because it is something that he can't help and we(men) don't like feeling unable to make something work out right(lack of control), especially to the disappointment of someone that we love.(failure)

Now with maturity we should be able to handle that better.(proper perspective) The key word however is ShOulD.

Either way, all it takes is a small thing and one of you react in another small but unpleasant way and one thing can lead to another. (mental shut down,animosity, discomfort)

Couples go through this from time to time but especially when undergoing a huge change. You guys are in the middle of a significant shift in normal.

If you haven't had serious issues all of this time, don't let this cause you to be withdrawn from the relationship. That will only make things worse. Communicate intentionally with a positive and supportive attitude.

Let him know that you are on his team and that he should not take your frustrations to heart (personally, that it is NOT about disappointment in HIM) that you know he is going through something that you don't yet understand and you mean nothing negative toward him.

If he feels like you are going to be on the road complaining, he could definitely have an attitude toward as time gets closer and closer to you getting on the truck.

So if you see some things that you might be able to do differently to shift things do it. If you don't then I suggest you guy just go see some counseling to get to the bottom of the issues.

It's hard to nail down what is really going on from your submission. Hopefully my speculations are not to far off target and you can easily have your relationship back.

good luck,
Hervy

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