Rough Road Ahead As a Trucker's Wife
I met my trucker husband when he was in cdl training in my town just over 7 years ago. We started dating 3 months later when he would be in town. I left my job and home a year later to go on the road with him.
I enjoyed being with him and having never been out of my home state, I traveled most of the U.S. with him for over 3 years.
For those of you not familiar with the lifestyle, it's not easy. Over the road is just that. Rarely home, planning visits to family or needing to attend family gatherings or funerals is never easy and we rarely got there in time.
I learned to eat fast, shower in public showers (it was a blessing if they were halfway clean), hold my bladder for hours or use a cup while he drove and have any "fun" time during a 10 hour break of which you also had to sleep to get rolling again.
Now the really bad stuff, we hit a point where we quit talking much after sitting next to each other 24/7. When we would stop, he was ready to stare at his cellphone online until bedtime, I just wanted to cuddle with him as I felt stopping for the night was our time to bond. It wasn't so. He just wanted to unwind from driving. I can't blame him.
After a while, I started feeling unwanted, he said he felt it would be better on us if I stayed home, so, off the truck I went.
Fastforward, I am still home. He has taken on a dedicated route to be able to spend a couple days a week at home. In the beginning he seemed glad to get home and we did things together.
Now, he takes longer getting home, spends even more time on his cellphone while here and seems eager to leave again. If he talks, he is very short with me and says he just wants to unwind before he has to go back out.
He has never put me on the bank account and opened a 2nd account in his name as well which he deposits a small amount each week from his check for me to get groceries. I have never seen where most of his money goes besides the usual bills.
He now makes it a point to stop for the night in a certain town in Illinois each week on his route regardless of how much drive time he has left. He is no longer in a rush to get back home.
He does not keep up his appearance any longer at home but he showers and shaves before getting to that town. He decided to do his 34 hr reset there this past week and only have 1 night home rather than staying in the town he unloaded in and getting home earlier.
About me, I'm not perfect. I am a little older than him and we are both a little overweight. I try hard, I have always put him before myself. He has always bragged to his friends that I have always given him a backrub at bedtime. I try to look my best when he gets home even when I'm not feeling well.
I try to be supportive and I realized when we met I would have to accept the trucking lifestyle. I don't ask for much financially but I need his love and respect. I find myself getting bitter and angry because I now feel I'm a house and dog sitter and an afterthought to him.
I still love him with all I have but feel he has removed himself from me and preoccupies himself with other things to avoid "us".
I heard very little from him during his reset last weekend. He called me late and told me he had been in a bar playing pool with another driver. He kept talking about this "guy" and told me he bought pizza to share with this guy while they played. My husband hates pizza, I am the pizza lover and we rarely have it because he doesn't want it.
I'm still home and tonight he is back in that town in Illinois for the night even though he had hours to drive further to get home earlier.
I hope I'm wrong, I hope I still have my husband's heart like he has mine. I hope any of you living a similar story find peace and the love still there.
Not all people are bad, not all people are cheating. I pray for the day he says "honey, I'm home, I missed you and I love you" and holds me tight in his arms once more.
Tonight, I'm just feeling lost.