Not your Fairy-Tale Marriage...

by CL
(Midwest)

Of course as a child I dreamed of marrying my Prince Charming, Living in a beautiful country home, and Having my family.
Then I met my husband, and it all changed. When we first met, he told me right out that he's usually gone for 10-14 days at a time, and I was ok with that. But his very first turn out really made me rethink the relationship. Did I really want to get involved with someone I couldn't count on being there for me? I quickly realized that those late night phone conversations and the time apart definately paid off when he got home. After dating for a year and a half, we got engaged and married. My dream of my country house quickly faded as we moved to a small-town apartment. I can't complain, it is very cheap and a nice place to live, but I'm not sure what the future is going to bring with a baby on the way. I have nightmares of being the 'single' partent raising my child alone as the husband drives. He never really has a set schedule, when he leaves he leaves, he could be home in a couple days or in a a month. I never know. I guess I will just have to keep learning. This was never the life I imagined, but now I can't imagine it any other way. The only advice I have to give is to stay busy when he is away. I work two jobs and am rarely home during the week. It doesn't give me as much time to miss him. Also, staying busy helps keep your mind from wondering. If I sat at home alone all the time, I would go nuts thinking about him and other women, even though I know he would never do that to me. It just takes time to develop the trust, and strength to keep it.

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Jan 13, 2010
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welcome
by: Jennifer S

CL,

Thank you so very much for sharing. Its nice to see that you did not give up!

It was never any of our wish to marry a man that we never, or rarely see. We all see our relationships different, until that is, we find the "one". When that happens all the ideology that we spend conjuring up as a teenager- and young adult goes out the window. But we love our guys none the less- and continue to make it work ;)

We would be pleased if you would join us on facebook!

www.facebook.com/Truckers.Wives

Jen

Jan 12, 2010
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No womans wish for a relationship
by: Hervy

Hi Cl,

I am pretty sure this type of relationship is not woman's wish for a relationship. I'm glad you have figured out a system that helps you to best deal with it which is staying productively busy.

Now the only other things I would like to add is your yous guys to make a budget if you haven't and develop your plans for the future.

One thing I really hate to see is for a couple to have to life this lifestyle indefinitely with either person hating it.

If he see's becoming an owner op in his future you guys should pay attention to the local scene. What manufactures are there that hire owner ops. Converse with local friends to see if any of them work at plants that use trucks. If he could network with a local shipper than owner op might be a sensible option down the road. In that case you might also want to see if you can get a job as a dispatcher if you happen to lose one of your part time jobs.

This would give you some training and insight on how load co-ordination works. Your local community college might offer course in logistics or dispatching or brokerage. All these could help you and him build a small trucking operation in the future and with direct shippers there may be enough profit for him not to be the one driving all the time.

Or you might just have the truck running while you build your own brokerage business. Exploring these ideas may help you develop a plan to transition out of the truck down the road.

Or, maybe you will just save all the money possible to transition into some other business venture all together.

My point is, people get caught in thinking the way things are is the way the are and they don't think about how many options are available to where as the way things are don't mean jack.

The way things will be in the future depends on how you think and plan now to create the situation you'd rather have in the future.

So if a couple would rather spend more time together don't let trucking be a burden let it be a tool to advance. Use it the best way for your situation. He doesn't have to drive forever but it takes you 2 to sit at the table and brainstorm on the options you have and develop a plan to create some other opportunity for yourself while trucking temporarily pays the bills.

By the way that future plan may not include trucking at all. You may have other skills, training or hobbies that you could turn into an opportunity. It's a matter of how you look at it and assess the potential of using it to benefit or help other people. If that can be done, you might have a small business in your future.

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