Life As A Trucker's Wife - Ready for change
(Las Cruces, NM)
What we USED to be
I'm finding after several years with a trucker that some patterns have been established. First, it's the perfect world for a trucker. He's able to remain emotionally AND physically distant and unattached. When times get tough, is he there? NO! In fact, it's quite the opposite.
Any "drama" as he calls it, messes with his world. For instance, the unexpected death of my favorite cat of 11 years. I now know better than to go to him thinking I will get compassion and a "it's going to be all right." Instead, I'm told how stupid, crazy I am. It's only a damn CAT, after all.
When he is home (every other month for 3 days) it's a total (and personal unwind) in a pool of beer and carelessness, often followed by downright nastiness toward me. I'm usually glad by that time to see him go back to work.
So, in a nutshell......it's a world of emptiness. There is no way to establish intimacy, or trust. Non-committal people LOVE truck driving jobs. We have no partner, no hope for the future, we just exist. Passing each day. Waiting for a phone call that never comes. Some of us are faithful, which is almost a waste. Nothing will ever come of this relationship.
I never imagined being so alone my last years of life. Quite frankly, I'm ready for change (God knows he won't) even if it means leaving.