How do you communicate?

by Kaitlyn
(Binghamton)

My boyfriend (of 2yrs, 8mo) will be *hopefully* heading home in 1-2wks for his first real "home" trip since he started training with Prime Inc. back in mid-July.

I've seen him one time since then- in the middle of August when he just happened to be driving through my hometown and staying overnight before his next shipment was due (I credit his amazing trainer Keith with that one, because he let Dustan escape the rig for a few hours to spend time with me).

Over the couple years we've been dating we've run into our fair share of issues with communication but we always seemed to work them out.

This time around things are much more difficult though. I work a non-traditional schedule (as a licensed technician in a busy veterinary practice) so I have some late mornings followed by late nights, and some early mornings followed by even later nights.

He can only talk so much, and doesn't feel comfortable talking while he's driving (understandable), nor does he like waking up in the "middle" of his "night" to say hello- since he's always been bad at falling back asleep again.

How can he and I work together to manage the communication thing? I can deal with 3-4 days without talking to him (except for the occasional 'good morning' or 'goodnight' text), but what I can't deal with is something that looks more like 6-7 days of not talking to him. Is this an unreasonable request?

How can I talk to him about my needs, without seeming... well... Needy??

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Mar 27, 2018
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Update on relationship
by: Hervy

Hi Kaitlyn, just going over some posts and came across yours. Was wondering bow things are going now?

Sep 27, 2011
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About the Link
by: Kaitlyn

So, I don't know if my previous comment showed up but Hervy I have to thank you- your advice is really helpful!

And I did take a look at that webpage you tagged.
I now have to decide if it's "too soon" to invest in the book "Things I wish I knew Before I was Married" that was featured on that page. See- in the trucking world we'd both be considered "young kids", and we're still years away from considering marriage...

But I will probably end up investing in the book anyways!

And I learned something... I probably knew all along, however my love language has a lot to do with physical contact. That is probably the key reason this has been so hard.
But I'm learning more and more in this process to depend on the little compliments & subtle suggestions of affection in our conversations, rather than just "wishing" he was here so I could cuddle with him on the couch watching TV...

Sep 27, 2011
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Back atcha
by: Kaitlyn

Thanks for your input! I'll definately try to use these techniques.
He has a cell phone, and we now text periodically (sometimes daily, but just like the phonecalls these are never with any consistency.)

I want to encourage him as much as possible, and I actually have a lineup of things to do for him when he gets home.
I've told him about giving him footrubs, backrubs, taking him out on a date, renting a hotel room for him so he doesn't have to stay at home (where his mother would, unfortunately, be at work all day, his father would sit and smoke cigarettes endlessly and complain about life, and where his 4 younger brothers would pester him endlessly...)

We talked over some of these ideas, but he's pretty stressed with work right now.
He's getting tired (it's been nearly 3 months since he left, he hasn't had a break in all that except to do his CDL road test).
It's hard for him to find any interest in ideas like this i guess- he says he's too tired to get 'excited' about it; it's hard for me to understand but i'm sure we'll work it out once he's back...

Again- thanks!

Sep 25, 2011
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Kind flattering words
by: Hervy

Hi Kaitlyn,

No I don't think your being unreasonable. I don't know exactly what he does obviously, but I can't imagine why he can't do better than 6 or 7 days unless he doesn't have a cell phone and he doesn't want to burn a lot of change in payphones.

So if he has a cell phone, I would think telling him something like....

I feel so lonely when I don't hear from you and when i do it comforts me. I don't ask for much, I understand your busy but if you could just do a little better at communicating it would please me so much.

lol, trust me I don't know him and I don't work for him.....lol. I would definitely make an increased effort after that!

But also the conversation that happens when he calls must not be stressful, all complaining, whining, negative, etc....you get the picture.

None of that until you start off with positive loving stuff. You know, something that will make him happy he called.

Also when he get's home, shower him with affection.

Now if none of this work after a month or a couple of home visits. I suggest marriage counseling to help you two get on the same page cause obviously there are come communication issues and cross up with love languages.

Check out a book called 5 Love Languages

Maybe you need get a copy and explain what you think it is important to your relationship. Read it before hand and give it to him when he leaves.

If he is not a reader, you will need to make it easy on him (because he is likely not to ready it just because you want him to, unless you really got a good dude which would make handling all of this a lot more easier for you) and tell him what you learned from reading about his love language first and then what your love language is.

Just some thoughts, who am I
Good luck Kaitlyn let us know how this works, let's see if I need to open up a booth!

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