How do I stay loving and supportive to a selfish person?

I am a newlywed. I have always enjoyed time with family and friends. My new truck driver husband seems to always make or say that he will go along with plans but comes off the road and doesn't want to go anywhere or see anybody.

If I say that I have made plans to spend time with a friend or family member I get the third degree. How do I be a supportive wife when I feel like I am losing my identity and can no longer be myself because life centers around him and first, foremost and only.

I can't even cook a dinner without his menu approval.

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Feb 22, 2015
by: Anonymous

the last person stated to get the heck out of that type of relationship...what part did you disagree with??

Feb 20, 2015
Personality changes
by: Anonymous

My husband has been doing trucking for 3 years now & I have to disagree with the last person commenting. For the first 2 years my husband was the same, never changed but going on his 3rd year, I thought it was just me but even the neighbors noticed his changes. I have always been there supporting & loving my husband but lately I have to watch what I say to him because it is like walking on eggshells around him, he likes to control everything - my conversations, what I buy, etc.

And of course being an OTR driver does not help because they are not home every night & when I do tell him when he gets his 34 hour reset to give me a call because we need to get things resolved, the first thing out of his mouth is we are fine, we had a disagreement, there is nothing to discuss & he raises his voice & cusses when I tell him it is important to our relationship to get things resolved which go unresolved by not discussing anything but damn he sure can bring up sex, sex, sex!

He already has said to me when I get home time & come home be ready to not get any sleep, we are going to F**K all night long, now seriously, I told him I am not a machine or the Energizer Bunny that keeps going & going & I reminded him that it kills the passion for a woman when her man does not want to discuss anything & to be used for sex all the time, it makes a woman feel used, not loved & it is ok for him to call me & vent all the time about his team driver but if I talk to him while he is doing his 34 hour reset, he quickly says ok ok I don't wanna hear about it.

Well now you can see passion is going out the window, my sister who owns a condo offered for me to come & stay at her place when mine tells me he is coming home for home time meaning I stay at my sister's place while he is at my place & then when he leaves for the road, then I go back to my place!

Good luck to you but you will find out that a trucker's world & a trucker's wife's world is totally different than a non-trucker & his wife! If my husband does not change his attitude, which now being a trucker, I highly doubt he'll change, then I have only one choice & that is to leave him for good & never look back!!

Feb 15, 2015
by: Anonymous

if you keep this up he will take advantage of you. bottom line. never cater to those who are selfish they thrive on it. he wont get enough until he drives you nuts and then moves on to his next victim. its your choice to end the nonsense, tell him to grow up, and you are not his slave but a partner.

if he cant accept you not being a slave to him then get the heck out. my ole man has been a trucker for years and has never acted like this. so, to make it sound like its the jobs fault why he acts likes this, makes no sense and if the job is whats doing this to him, he should for sure quit and try a different career!!

Feb 13, 2015
Talk to him and/or model to him what he needs to do
by: Hervy

If you haven't already had conversations about the same issue that you are presenting to us, I would suggest doing so.

If you have done that or doing that doesn't give you traction, I would suggest entering a study (reading, audio books) of personal development and share with him what you are learning about yourself and how you are working on it.

What you learn will surely be a mirror to things that he need to work on. This will likely be more effective than you telling him what he needs to work on or how he needs to be.

One of the best things that you could do is get him to join you in visits to relationship coach/counseling. An outside person who can point out better ways of interacting with each other.

Definitely let him know you are interested in improving the relationship. Ask him how you can do so and then tell him how he can do so.

As far as plans with family and friends, maybe you could just make them when he is gone. When he is home show him you were looking forward to him being home and want to spend time with him.

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