Have no idea what to make of this!

Hopefully some of you wives out there can give me some advice as to what could be going wrong.

My husband has been an OTR driver now for 3 years. We have been married for 20 years & he has always been attentive & always remembered certain important holidays. And has always gotten me flowers & chocolates for our anniversary & Valentine's Day & has taken me out to dinner.

Well the first 2 years he has been out there, he always made it a point to have a dozen long-stemmed roses delivered to me at my office on Valentine's Day & our anniversary that even my co-workers jokingly say to me how jealous they are. Well this Valentine's Day that passed, I know it was on a Saturday, but no flowers sent to my office the day before which was a Friday, so I thought they would be delivered to my home, nothing, not even a phone call or a message saying Happy Valentine's Day & he was always the one that initiated it first.

Even growing up my mom told me that my dad always said it first & initiated things. Well I sent a message saying Happy Valentine's Day to him & all I got was a good morning, I left that one go. Well last week was our 20th wedding anniversary & the girls said to me that morning when I got in, that they can't wait to have the smell of fresh roses in the office all day, well nothing all day, & one of the girls said to me when we left oh they are probably waiting for you at your home.

The morning of our anniversary I even sent him a message saying happy anniversary & got no reply back. And how he arranged for these flowers to be delivered to my office was he would call his friend in our city call the florist & my husband would pay his friend when he came home for home time.

Well when I got home, my 17 year old son was sitting at the dining room table doing his homework & when he saw that I only had my briefcase & handbag in my hands, he said to me what no flowers from dad, & I said no. Even his friend had called me & apologized & said that my husband never called him & told him to call the florist. As a matter of fact, my husband's friend has not heard from my husband in over a week & he said they did not have a falling out.

So I told my son let me get changed out of my business suit & you & I will go out to dinner. Well when I came out of my bedroom & got my keys & handbag, my son put his arm around me & told me that if I wanted to divorce his dad, he has my support. My son feels that way because my husband also has ignored our son & has called his father for support on male issues & my husband told him he's busy right now, he's driving & he can't talk, well he can't be driving 24/7.

Later that night when my son & I got home & I text messaged my husband & told him I can overlook him not sending flowers & did he have a fallout with his friend & my husband said no & I said well you know a simple happy anniversary in a text would be sufficient because to me it shows he values the relationship. Well he calls me & yells at me & says oh happy anniversary, now you happy now.

Well I hung up on him. And he had the gall a few days before that to call me even at the office on my business phone what all he wants to do with me in bed when he gets home time & I told him it sounds great but this is on my business phone & I can't have this phone open for personal calls, I have clients that need to call me & he said oh F**K them, I am more important than those damn clients. His personality has most definitely changed & I & my son are not the only ones that have noticed. A few neighbors also.

We live in a large apartment complex that is a gated community & my husband checked with the apt. manager to see if he can park his tractor in the parking lot when he is home for home time & she told him no, she's sorry, but no trucks allowed. My husband told her that where he parked his truck at before he got tickets from the police twice & that pissed him off, again, she did not relent & give in. Well my husband called me at work & he told me he does not like our manager, she is nothing but a C**T (the vulgar 4 letter word for a woman) which I hate hearing. I asked him why is she that & he said because she is not doing her job.

I told him all apartment complexes have rules & regulations & the manager is not that & I told him I am no Mother Teresa but damn I hate that word for a woman or any woman to be called that word. Now my husband has lost his house keys while out on the road & I asked the maintenance man to make up a new set & he told me he is not taking the time to make keys for him when it was his own dumb fault.

I told my husband what the maintenance man said, now do you think he called the maintenance man foul vulgar words for a man, hell no! He never used that four letter C word till lately. I have been a loving supportive wife that in the past when he was home, he got home cooked meals, I did his laundry & made sure his truck got filled with healthy snacks & food. Even a few neighbors hate him for what he does as a living; for example, there is a girl in my building that lives with her single mother & the little girl is 11 & she always comes to doors asking if you want to buy cookies, cakes or candy for her school's fundraising events. I have always bought from her.

Well the little girl was down in the laundry room getting clothes out of the dryer & she heard my husband talking with another guy telling him how much of a C**T the manager is right in front of this little girl. Well she told her mother but the mother never approached me until a neighbor asked me last week if I got some cake from the little girl & I said no. So I saw her mom & I asked her why her daughter did not come to me & she told me her daughter is scared of my husband & she did not want to come to my door in case he was home & I asked her why is she afraid of my husband, that is when she told me about the C word & this mom told her daughter just ignore his ignorance because consider the source & she told her daughter he's a trucker, what do you expect, they all are like that & so now both mom & daughter hate truckers. I gave the mom my cell phone # to call me so I can inform her if her daughter should come to my door. I told her I would talk to him. I told him about his offense in front of a 11 year old & he only said so, what's the big deal.

Now at the office some of the girls said next time your husband comes home, he should either sleep on the sofa or in his tractor & for him to only come to the apartment for a shower & do his laundry & he can eat out somewhere. I told the girls my home is not a truckstop to only just get a shower & do laundry. My son informed me that when his dad, my husband, comes home next time for home time which should be next week, he will stay at his friend's place for those 4-5 days that he is home.

I checked the phone records on line while I submitted the payment for the cell phone bill & I noticed on our anniversary he sure could talk up a storm to other truckers out there but couldn't talk to me on our anniversary, even his friend that makes the arrangements for flowers to be delivered in his behalf, can't even make heads or tails out of this. One of the girls at the office said she hates truckers because in the news that is all you hear of 18-wheelers causing the most damage, like the Tracy Morgan incident, & them being skirt chasers & this same girl hates them because she had a relative killed by a trucker because he had an underage prostitute in the truck & was distracted & went head-on & killed her relative when she was a child.

I told the girl at truck stops, prostitutes are known as lot lizards & she said she don't care what these prostitutes are called. Now at the same time please do not consider talking to my husband & asking him what is bothering him.. He is one that anymore can't be reasoned with, if you say you want to talk, he gets belligerent & says what's there to talk about. In his eyes, he can do no wrong. All he wants is his sex & when I tell him his attitude is killing the mood, again, he says he is doing nothing wrong & he does not know why I feel this way.

My neighbor that has the little girl that is afraid of my husband mentioned that she feels truckers get influenced by other truckers & they are a brotherhood out there. Oh another thing in the 3 years my husband has been out there, he has been through 3 team drivers. Now he is doing solo because his last team driver I do not think liked his mouth because when my husband would on the phone talking down about this manager, he loved to hear himself repeat over & over saying in a mean voice the 4 letter C word & this last team driver jackknifed the truck on my husband by having him get out of the truck without putting the breaks on & my husband was woken up in the sleeper berth & told me he looked out & saw the tractor was basically kissing the trailer & by the jackknife incident it cost the company $75,000.00 in damages. My husband was not hurt, the team driver did not lose his job but even friends are telling me this jackknife incident was not accidental, it was intentional like the team driver was finding a way to get rid of my husband. So if there are any wives out there that have a trucker husband like this, I sure would like to know how to handle this.

I still love my husband but I keep getting negative comments from others to dump him, he could be cheating on me, the list goes on & on. I can understand not being home for important dates & like I said I can overlook not getting the flowers but to not acknowledge Valentine's Day or a wedding anniversary is another, that bothers me.

It is a good thing he is out on the road because with this attitude of his, if he had an office job or anywhere a boss is looking over your shoulder, he would have been fired!

Comments for Have no idea what to make of this!

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Sep 29, 2016
So this is late but for any ones benefit NEW
by: Anonymous

I do think there is a possibility of drugs. I do not think the answer is to give up on him. Pray. Also find a way to talk to him. Perhaps there are underlying stressors. Walking out won't fix the problem, only add bigger ones. There may come a time to let go of the relationship, but remember that marriage means being in his corner. He is going through stuff. Fighting hard. Help him to fight the right battles well. If you need help to do this, get help. Go to God. He is an ever-present help in times of trouble.

Jun 15, 2015
Advice from a Dispatcher NEW
by: Anonymous

It sounds like your husband may be on drugs. Your best bet to find out what is going on with him is ask him to take a vacation or go on the road with him for a few days to a week. If you can get him to open up to you maybe you will have a chance to work this out.

May 05, 2015
well NEW
by: Anonymous

I'm glad you were able to vent. Do you have a friend or clergyman you can talk to? I am sorry but you wrote way to much trivial problems here. It sounds like you have no one else to talk with? And having your children being caught in the middle of all this is just not right. Leave and quit sacrificing yourself and children.

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