Clichéd And Struggling to be Supportive.
My husband lost his job when I was 8 months pregnant. He earned his CDL and went to work OTR when our daughter was three months old. He has been driving for about 7 months now. Life is not what I expected. I love being with our daughter but she has become my only source of joy.
I don't feel like I am allowed to enjoy life. I receiving belittling comments from my husband if I go to lunch with his family or my friends.
The amount of time I spend at my parents house also causes a lot of arguments. He also gets upset if I don't answer my phone or don't respond promptly. I feel guilty for doing things that he is unable to do, like workout.
He has never missed a single night of sleep due to the baby. I can count on one hand the number of times he has changed a diaper. Our daughter will be 8 months in a couple weeks. I am so exhausted but not allowed to complain because he has it "worse" then me. Him being home is even more exhausting.
I love him AND am glad that he is able to come home, rest, etc. I have to cook more and clean up those dishes alone. In addition to pick up everything he lives in the middle of the floor- his months on the road have left him unaccustomed to life with a baby (whom picks up ANYTHING and places it their mouth). More laundry. We also have 3 pets. The idea that he would feed or make sure they have water is comical. Even more so is the idea that he would aid in cleaning up the yard; our neighbors don't enjoy the lovely aroma of dog poop.
He comes home and does legitimately nothing. For example after he showers, the dirty clothes along with wet towel stay on the floor until he leaves. Typically, when he is home I have zero free time and getting to shower is not a luxury of mine. All of his time is spent watching his DVR shows. He no longer spends time with our pets because they stay in the kitchen (no TV in the kitchen). I have to ask for him to watch our daughter to able to take a shower OR make dinner. I am responsible for everything from house repairs, taking out the trash, car maintenance. EVERYTHING. Everything baby... bathing, teething, doctors' appointments. My personal favorite dealing with inlaws. EVERYTHING.
Most of our conversations are with a filter. He complains about how much he is missing out on everything. Yet when he is home the TV is never off and is played at volumes where conversations have 'what' every other word. I don't quite understand him anymore.
All he gets excited about is the amount of money he is earning. We were fitness freaks before baby but now all he does is complain about his body. Without daily gym access, he feels working out is useless. The more time he stays away; the greater the paycheck. I try to be as supportive as possible but I feel like our relationship is drowning.
The more time, he spends away the more money he earns. I just feel like the cost is too high. Our daughter is small and hopefully by the time she recognizes he isn't home; he will have found a dedicated route. My biggest concern is our relationship. He is bitter about everything.
It is hard to talk our daughter or be honest about how my day is going because the response is always 'I wish I could be there to watch her grow' or 'I don't know how difficult things could be with you not working' or some variation. He knows he is bitter too and does nothing about it.
I waited until he came home to start solids with our daughter; his attention was on a talk show during the entire experience with the volume blaring so he could hear it from the kitchen. This life is frustrating but enables me to be with our daughter 24/7. Am I just worried about what our relationship is morphing into.
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