Being a Trucker's Wive Never Gets Easier
(Southern Alberta, Canada)
Hi, I am 28 years old and have been married for 4 years. We do not have any kids. My husband is a trucker and hauls cattle. He is typically gone from Sunday afternoon to Friday evening. We've been together for 7 years, and he wasn't trucking when we got married. It was his background, but he had wanted to try something else.. something that might afford him the opportunity to be home every night. So he tried a few jobs here and there and never really found anything he liked.. so back in truck he went.
He loves haulin cows, and I don't want to make him feel bad for doing it, but I am having a very hard time with him being gone all the time. They say that some women are cut out to be trucker's wives.. the ones that don't sit there and cry every night because they are alone.. they seem to almost embrace the lifestyle.
I don't know how they can do that... it is very difficult. At the present time I am feeling like it is all hopeless and that I will ALWAYS be alone. I don't want to leave my husband because I love him deeply.... but the lonliness is too much to bear sometimes.
I am not one of those people who can adjust or be ok with not seeing their husband every night. I don't know what I can do to help ease the pain.
There are lots of tips out there, and I agree with most of them, but sometimes I am stuck at home with nothing to do. The keeping busy part is so important, but I can't always just whisk myself away from home to do something to take my mind off of it.. My bank account doesn't agree with those types of things.
So I sit at home, and try to make myself as busy as I can around the house. Sometimes that works, most of the time it doesn't. When I have to climb into our bed alone every night, that is when it is the worst.
I am married, why should I have to sleep alone all the time? There is no one there when I reach out, there's no one there when I wake up... Totally alone. When I try to tell him that I am not holding up very well, he says "Do you want me to quit my job and we will have no way to pay all the bills?". Obviously, that is not what I want.. I don't think he understands how lonely I am at home all the time.
Anyways.. I just wanted to get this out. I've never posted on any sites like this before, and I have no idea what this will do for me, but I guess I feel better knowing that my feelings are out there... somewhere. Maybe someone else can benefit from my words, although I don't see how.
If I could do it all over again, I still would've married my husband, for SURE, but I wouldn't have agreed to let him go back out on the road... I would've known that I couldn't handle it.. Hind sight is 20/20 right?
Anyone out there thinking of marrying a trucker, I am not saying don't do it, but SERIOUSLY make sure you can handle the consequences, or circumstances, as they may be, living this life. It is horrible...
-Trucker Wife "Bonnie"