Baffled and Brokenhearted
by Suzy Kabloozy
Ladies, I can understand your pain and confusion.
A month or 6 weeks ago, I posted a profile in here and I added my story of how proud I was to be trucker's woman. I love my man with all my heart -- still do.
The problem is, in just that very short period of time, on Monday he says he no longer loves me. This is after he didn't show up for the weekend and didn't even call. I don't know what happened. I'm devastated. He made so many stupid excuses, like he doesn't want to disappoint me (I never expressed disappointment) or he knows I hate his job (I never said I hated his job, his schedule, anything). When he got this job, I know he loved me. I could see it and I could feel it.
Most of his trips home were good. A couple he was distant, but I thought he was tired and he has been known to sometimes be moody. I gave him his space.
I'm the kind of woman who will feed you, love you and hand you the remote. I'll rub your tired feet or back. I'll keep the kid quiet while you're asleep. I'll listen endlessly to the stories about truck stops and back roads after dark.
I'm the kind of woman that when you're on the road, I'll take care of myself without tears or guilt. I always answer the phone or at least call back quickly so you won't worry. I look up things on maps or find fuel stations that take your fuel card. I tell you I love you and I'm proud of you and I'm proud to be your girl.
Not to blow my own horn, but I'm not sure how I really could have done it much better.
I've known this man for years. I know this is not another woman. The isolation is not good for some people and he is one of them. I think he is using drugs, to be perfectly honest. He is a former drug addict, so it's not a big stretch. This brings up more worries, of course. I don't want him to kill himself or anyone else, but without proof what can I do? I don't want to make him lose his job if I'm wrong.
Even in the heartbreak, all I can do is release him with love. God loves this man and he has a plan for him and I just want him to be alright.
I wrote this for support and as an explanation of why I was so enthusiastic about being here and then just gone again. And also, finally, for prayers for my baby. Well, not my baby any more, but God's creation. My heart is truly broken, but I know God can fix the deepest hurts.
Peace & love, Suzy