always lonely as a trucker's wife
Being a truck drivers wife is the hardest thing i do on a daily basis. i also come from a family that had a dad on the road all the time growing up. i don't have a real relationship with my father now. of course we see each other on holidays and things like that but i really don't know my dad and probably never will.
everyday is a struggle. we have 2 children that i have to get up early every morning for school and then work a full time job myself. come home make dinner, help with homework, do laundry, pay bills, community outings, sports activities by yourself, taking care of mowing the yard and taking the animals to the vet, and i could go on and on.
you are a single parent most of the time. i hate!!!!!!!!! but what do you do?? i get almost pissed when he has to leave again. i shouldn't feel that way cuz i know he is taking care of his family but are we really a family??
i feel horrible about myself for having these feelings and questions but they are things i think of. i don't want our children to have the relationship i have with my dad- none. i get tired, cranky, anxious, frustrated, moody, and sad. i know he is tired when he gets here so i still continue to do everything.
he is really good about resting for awhile and makes good attempts to do things as a family but i know how tired he is and that all he wants to do is sleep. i would rather have nothing at all and have him home then have him gone all the time.
i miss eating as a family, taking family walks, cuddling up on the couch and watching tv or holding hands while we talk to each other or just seeing his big brown eyes. i miss his smell, his kiss, his touch, his everything, climbing into our big bed all alone and reaching for him and him not being there.
i miss coming home to have a adult conversation and tell him how my day was and helping with dinner. i just miss him and us. what happened to us??? i don't really hang out much with my friends anymore. they all have their husbands around and don't understand what i go thru. i don't go out with them cuz they are all together and that just makes it worse for me.
i want to be held when the day has been stressful or when i need to vent to him about my job. i know it is hard on him too. i know this is not what he wants. he hates leaving us, he hates not being here to kiss me or hug his kids or missing important events. he hates hearing about it over the phone, you can hear it in his voice, you can hear when he is so tired and stressed himself.
if everyone knew the sacrifices the truck drivers and their families make so they can have those things in the stores to buy and the cars to buy and all the other things they haul. if they only knew!! thanks for listening.