Afraid I'm not strong enough to be a trucker's wife
Hello all, let me start by saying forgive me if i get long winded.. Here goes.. I actually met my trucker thru Facebook.
We started out as chat buds & before I knew what happened I was hooked. We met in person and the next thing I know, I'm hopping a flight out west to ride with him in his truck for 6 months.
My father drove a coal truck for years, so some parts of trucking were easy to learn, but the OTR lifestyle was a new experience.
I loved being with him & learning about his world & i got to see how stressful it could be for him, but at the same time I was getting depressed about being unemployed, so far from my mom who was having financial trouble, man stress & health issues, so i came back home.
I resumed my job at the nursing home, but missed him so much. My guy got a job with a company closer to home & was now able to get 4 home days after 21 OTR. I was so happy at first, but then it seemed harder to watch him leave.
I went thru the "it isn't fair" phase, he'd no sooner start the truck & I was trying to keep from crying. I'm not a clingy, helpless, hold my hand 24/7 kind of gal, but it broke my heart to watch him leave & still does.
I worry about him so much when he's out there. We talk on the phone as much as possible, but sometimes i find myself getting frustrated with always holding a phone.
I want him here, but he's a third generation driver, it's in his blood. He'd go crazy with a 9 to 5.
I do love him, but sometimes i just want to reach thru the phone & smack him. When he gets letters thru the mail I have to forward the info.
I understand that its part of the job to keep my man informed, but sometimes i feel more like his secretary. We've now been together for over 2 yrs, and in that time he's already been in a few messes from his past, (child support, back taxes, etc).
I've done my best to remain level headed & not take it personal when he doesn't seem to notice that his past issues are stressful to me too & that I only want to help him.
I find myself getting frustrated that he doesn't seem to appreciate what I try to do for him. Sometimes it honestly feels like he wants to be on the road carefree what time I'm home cleaning up his messes.
It's also hard for me to remember that sometimes there are jobs around the house that I'm supposed to save for him on his home time. I'm a person who will either fix it or get it fixed.
I mean no offense to him, & i don't want him feeling like I don't need him, but it's hard for me to pretend like I cant do things so that he can "take care of it for me"..
We are now engaged and i can't help but be afraid that I'm not good for him. Is it normal to be stressed, feel unappreciated, do whatever it is that needs done, get so angry i want to cry, but throw it out the window & forget it all as soon as i know he's coming home?
PLEASE use your wisdom & tell me if i'm strong enough to be a truckers wife..