Afraid I'm not strong enough to be a trucker's wife

by Mari
(Ky)

Hello all, let me start by saying forgive me if i get long winded.. Here goes.. I actually met my trucker thru Facebook.

We started out as chat buds & before I knew what happened I was hooked. We met in person and the next thing I know, I'm hopping a flight out west to ride with him in his truck for 6 months.

My father drove a coal truck for years, so some parts of trucking were easy to learn, but the OTR lifestyle was a new experience.

I loved being with him & learning about his world & i got to see how stressful it could be for him, but at the same time I was getting depressed about being unemployed, so far from my mom who was having financial trouble, man stress & health issues, so i came back home.

I resumed my job at the nursing home, but missed him so much. My guy got a job with a company closer to home & was now able to get 4 home days after 21 OTR. I was so happy at first, but then it seemed harder to watch him leave.

I went thru the "it isn't fair" phase, he'd no sooner start the truck & I was trying to keep from crying. I'm not a clingy, helpless, hold my hand 24/7 kind of gal, but it broke my heart to watch him leave & still does.

I worry about him so much when he's out there. We talk on the phone as much as possible, but sometimes i find myself getting frustrated with always holding a phone.

I want him here, but he's a third generation driver, it's in his blood. He'd go crazy with a 9 to 5.

I do love him, but sometimes i just want to reach thru the phone & smack him. When he gets letters thru the mail I have to forward the info.

I understand that its part of the job to keep my man informed, but sometimes i feel more like his secretary. We've now been together for over 2 yrs, and in that time he's already been in a few messes from his past, (child support, back taxes, etc).

I've done my best to remain level headed & not take it personal when he doesn't seem to notice that his past issues are stressful to me too & that I only want to help him.

I find myself getting frustrated that he doesn't seem to appreciate what I try to do for him. Sometimes it honestly feels like he wants to be on the road carefree what time I'm home cleaning up his messes.

It's also hard for me to remember that sometimes there are jobs around the house that I'm supposed to save for him on his home time. I'm a person who will either fix it or get it fixed.

I mean no offense to him, & i don't want him feeling like I don't need him, but it's hard for me to pretend like I cant do things so that he can "take care of it for me"..

We are now engaged and i can't help but be afraid that I'm not good for him. Is it normal to be stressed, feel unappreciated, do whatever it is that needs done, get so angry i want to cry, but throw it out the window & forget it all as soon as i know he's coming home?

PLEASE use your wisdom & tell me if i'm strong enough to be a truckers wife..

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Aug 12, 2012
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experience NEW
by: Anonymous

I married someone once, with the same issues your dealing with. Both of the women he had kids with, found out he was married, and hired attorneys to put a lean on my house, and attach my checking account, so I ran as fast as I could, and got a divorce. I don't regret it. He eventually lost his driver's license, and moved out of state, in an effort to hide from them. Not only is this man your with gone alot, you would be taking on his responsibility financially, because you would be married to him. Stuck in a financial rut, alone most of the time, then eventually bitterness, and then divorce. Walk away now for your own good. He isn't the only man you in the world you could have a relationship with, and wouldn't it be nice to be with someone that you can spend every day time with? Who wants to walk alone for the most part. I say, ''don't tie yourself to this man, let go''. For your own good!

Aug 11, 2012
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a question NEW
by: Anonymous

Could you be from the Pike County area of Ky
My mother is from Virgie.
Back in the 70s I went to Virgie High

Aug 11, 2012
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a question NEW
by: Anonymous

Could you be from the Pike County area of Ky
My mother is from Virgie.
Back in the 70s I went to Virgie High

Aug 11, 2012
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WHAT EVER YOU DO DONT MARRY HIM YET!!!!!!! NEW
by: Anonymous

If you marry him now you will regret it. When you marry someone who owes child support or back taxes you will assume his debt. There is no getting out of it! They will garnish your wages and take your license like they will do to him if he is delinquent on his child support. They will levy your bank accounts, paychecks, personal property, real property if he does not pay his taxes!!

You ask why do you have to pay his old debts?? Well that's the way the government and the law works and child support ain't no joke either! If he thinks he can keep holding them off and pay a little here and there and in the meantime hook you in they will get your money too!!! And there is nothing you can do.

So think about this. Since he is being SOOOOOO irresponsible now what makes you think he will be responsible when you marry him and these old debts haven't been made yet! Do you think if they get you he will be the responsible one and pay you back!! Now that's a joke if he isn't able to pay it now what makes you think he will have it to pay you back????

Other than those issues wake up and welcome to the real world!! Don't be cut out for no ones bull crap!! Stay safe!

Aug 11, 2012
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Wait NEW
by: Sue

If you are not sure about the whole thing then do not rush the wedding date. It would be so unfair to you both if you did get married then changed your mind. This job is stressful enough out here and to have the one( our grounded roots) up and take it all away is way too hard. It's one thing if you are dating but once married its worse if you call it all off.

You are very entitled to how you feel so if it's not for you then that's ok!!! Just decide if this is something you can truly live with. You must be happy too! If your gut is telling you something then listen to it girl!

Good luck!!!

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