Advice for the Newbie (In-your-face stuff I wish someone had told me in the beginning)

by Addie
(Colorado Springs, CO)

*it never gets "easier" watching him go. That's BS. And if he leaves once where you are totally together and saying "I got this", next time will be 10 times harder. No, it never gets easier. You just learn enough about yourself and your coping mechanisms to manage it better

*yes, there are truckers who cheat. But Being a trucker does not make a man unfaithful. THE MAN is what makes a man unfaithful. If you trusted him before, don't allow anyone else's experiences or drama change that.

*be the woman he WANTS to come home to. If for whatever reason the last one didn't sink in, let me be more direct. He's not gonna make home time a priority if all you do is whine and complain while he's gone. Why would he wanna come home to that? Worried about him finding someone younger and hotter? Get your ass on the treadmill, put down the donuts and buy some cute lingerie and make up, then take some pics and send them to him to remind him what's waiting at home.
(No, I'm not advocating body shaming here...the point is, you know what your man likes)

*now is not the time to be a conservative prude. This is not meant to be judgmental of conservatism, but if you haven't learned that men are, by nature, sexual beings, well, I have a whole separate writing on that.
Learn the art of sexting and camming. It's your husband, for crying out loud. If you don't want him looking at porn, you better be his personal porn star.

*adjust your shopping, cooking and recipes
I could always count on hubby having seconds, eating leftovers and using too much toilet paper. Account for his absence or you'll be tossing food left and right; and don't give your teens an excuse to go TP'g

*He may be gone, but your title as WIFE is about to take on a whole new meaning. It's lonely out there, as he's gonna need you now more than ever before. Whether it's listening to him vent about a bad day, doing his shopping and laundry when he's home, or being that eye candy he needs. Solitude on the road can make the most independent man more needy of his woman - don't let him down!

*coordinate your cycles and home time. There's nothing worse than starting your period the day he comes home

*you are about to embark on the best years of your marriage...
If you let yourself. There is great truth to the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder", but this can only be true if you keep negativity at bay. You can either focus on being alone, or focus on enjoying your free time; you can focus on "what if he cheats", or focus on being the reason he never would; you can focus on what he's NOT around for, or focus on making his home time something you both look forward to. It's up to you. Choose what is uplifting to your marriage and don't be the one that tears it down.

I'm still new to all this too. Every day I learn something about myself, my husband, or my marriage. It's not an easy life, and sometimes even I ask myself "why do we do this?" I have a picture frame in my living room with a photo of me and my Hubby from a party. The frame reads, "Love doesn't make the world go round...Love is what makes the ride worthwhile"

Enjoy the ride

Comments for Advice for the Newbie (In-your-face stuff I wish someone had told me in the beginning)

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Sep 29, 2016
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Thanks so much! NEW
by: Anonymous

This is so good to read as my husband is pursuing a trucking career.
To all the women whining about how awful it is to be away from your hubby for a while, be thankful instead that you have a man with a good job who at least comes home to you every few weeks or so. My husband was away for over two years, and I was unable to even contact him when my daughter was born to even tell him.
I will disagree with one thing, no matter how "slutty" you make yourself for him, or how hard you work to please him, there will always be another girl more attractive to him, and many times a man will cheat with someone ten times uglier or less likeable, because the motivation is not about love, but gratifying an impulse. When a man cheats and thinks it is about love, he obviously hasn't a clue what love is. A man who truly loves you won't cheat. If he likes you he will do what is convenient, if he loves you, he will commit to doing whatever it takes. I'm all for trying to please your husband and giving him all you've got, but you can't MAKE a guy not cheat on you or love you or never leave. You can however become such a pleasant, beautiful woman that he would be a fool to ever want to pursue greener pastures!

Sep 10, 2016
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Agreed. NEW
by: Happy Wife

As a truckers wife for 13 yrs now, I can say I agree with most of what was said. You definitely have to be what he wants to come home to. He doesn't want to hear you whine on the phone constantly but to be able to vent to him like he vents to me, yes! It's not always a bed of roses. But it's definitely what YOU make it. To the comment above about "what does he do for me" well he does alot for me. He sacrifices his time away from me and his 3 children to provide for us. He is gone alot yes, but when you communicate and are truly best friends and he knows you need him and he needs you it makes it all worth it. My advice on loneliness is keep busy and talk to him every chance you get. Send pictures and let him know almost every aspect of your life. I hate watching him go and yes, after 15 yrs of marriage, I still cry when he leaves. It never gets easier, but it's always worth it!

Aug 18, 2016
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This is not the 50's NEW
by: Heather

This article could have been written in 1950. The wives should do this and do that to keep their husbands happy and loyal. What should they be doing for us? I have been married for 35 years and I'm getting really tired of playing the role of a truckers wife. Is it really my responsibility to mother him. These are grown up people who chose this career for themselves. I'm sure none of us would choose to be left alone raising kids, doing all the housework and repairs, yard work, paper work and everything else that needs to be done and when he walks through the door we should have a hot meal ready for him, do his laundry and sit around listening to the same old truck stories while we change into our sexy outfits so he won't cheat. Sounds like something every woman dreams about. How about he comes home and shows an interest in you and his children because he supposedly missed us. The loneliness is mutual. It's a tough life, but a choice.

Apr 12, 2016
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Married to my trucker and a newbie NEW
by: Anonymous

Just want to say thank you.. On the newbie advice! You R absolutely Right! On Everything!! And it truely is what u make of it! And always putting God first

Nov 15, 2015
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helpful NEW
by: Anonymous

Literally the most helpful thing I've read on here. I'm completely new to this trucking lifestyle and I hope what I've learned on here will help make it slightly more bareable

Sep 07, 2015
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Carla NEW
by: Carla

Reading this realy helped me




Sep 02, 2015
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Advice NEW
by: Anonymous

Amen!

Jul 27, 2015
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I understand NEW
by: karla

You are so right! I knew what I was getting into. I do not regret it. I stick by him We went into this together, you either have to go in and understand what this life is about. Yes it is hard but I give him every reason to be home when he can.
S

Jul 24, 2015
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To each his (or her) own NEW
by: Addie

All woman here! A woman that I can honestly say, has figured out what works for us. And yes, coordinating cycles..but the entire sentence read, "coordinate your cycles and home time". Hubby and I have learned to compare calendars and determine when is the best time to schedule home time. In 15 yrs, I've learned that stubbornness and self-centerness of "he should XYZ, I shouldnt have to ABC" is poison to any marriage, let alone one that is enduring this life.
And oh, he does coordinate his hard ons...see, that's where the give and take comes in to play

Jul 24, 2015
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huh NEW
by: Anonymous

is this coming from a man? hahaha the best one yet coordinate your cycles? really?? he needs to coordinate his hard ons for when he gets home to his wife then!! if a man doesn't like/love his woman just the way she is, then he should move on.....so she can move on. period!!

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