A Lonely truckers wife needs advice

by JoAnna
(SW MN)

I am a wife of a trucker also. I am always lonely, depressed and stressed out. I have to say I do totally hate the truckers wife life.

I love my husband with all my heart, but don't know how much more I can take. We have been together for 14 years, married for 8 and he has been trucking for 5.

We have 4 kids that I am basically raising on my own, going to school full time, working part time and trying to raise teenagers....YEAH RIGHT!!

I often wonder what my life would be like if he was working a regular job that he would be home at night and on weekends like he was before this trucking job.

We never fought and we always were happy to be together. When he comes home I feel like he is invading my space and interfering with my schedule. I sometimes feel he trucks to get away and have peace and quiet and not a care in the world while I sit at home stressed over the bills, deal with all my kids stuff (one of my kids has autism so that adds to it).

He doesn't understand why I don't tell him everything while he is gone on the road...well that would be because he never hears what I am saying. I don't know what to do anymore either. My husband is faithful (at least I am confident he is anyway) and I wouldn't dream of being unfaithful, but being lonely sure sucks and makes you think.

I always say if I have to be alone I might as well be alone. I suffer from a lot of guilt as well. He is out making money for our family doing what he loves and I have to wonder am I being greedy because I want him home.

but knowing I still need him to work. So confused.

I have no friends of truckers so none of my friends understand what I feel and why. I wish there was a truckers wife group in my area and well living in SW MN there are no such things...Thanks for listening....Does anyone have any words of wisdom??

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Oct 14, 2017
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The only thing that changes, is a truckdriver's scenery. NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband started driving truck around the year 2002. Been a long time, so I don't remember the date. But I remember it was at my suggestion that he become a trucker. We had both just been laid off, and needed some kind of income, and both our fathers had been truckers. Anyway, I kind of regret that decision. We may have a nice lifestyle, and I'm not wanting for much of anything, except alittle honesty from my husband.
Through the years, there's always been something wrong, nibbling at the back of brain. His web history led me to wonder, and eventually I started digging through it. (Our web history and accounts are synced). I found numerous Craigslist searches, porn sites, dating sites, you name it, I saw it! I tried many times bringing all this damnedable evidence up, but he just told me I was crazy. If I pressed the issue further, he got loud, belligerent, and angry. So I stopped bringing it up.
I then tried a new approach to keeping the marriage alive. I suggested swinging. He acted taken aback. So I modified that to threesomes. He seemed more open to that idea. Well, to say the least, that idea probably won't fly either. The only threesome I was involved with, since we've been together, (since '92), was with a working gal. I have no friends, and he says he doesn't need any friends. And still I saw all the crap in his history, so my ideas didn't change one thing.
I commend all the gals who chose men who have character strong enough to remain loyal, and yet are on the road for great lengths of time, away from their families. I didn't do so well in that department. I WILL say that I have been loyal through all my husband's BS. But, it hasn't improved my situation one iota.
So, at 60 now, I guess my role is to play the happy housewife who has no friends, and puts up with the husband's shenanigans. I'd leave, but with a bad back, it wouldn't be the wisest thing to do, not to mention all the water under the bridge. At least he is still a good father and doesn't shirk his family responsibilities. I guess I should count my blessings?

Aug 29, 2017
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Going through the motions NEW
by: Am33878

I went through the motions for awhile only seeing my spouse for a few days when he was gone for up to 6 to 8 weeks. We have two children, and it was very hard on them as well. It wasn't just me going through stuff he was as well, which wasn't something I understood. Like most men they don't like talking about their feelings, but I wanted to understand what he went through as well. He felt like a visitor in our life because we were on a schedule with our kids and every day life, and on the road he felt alone like I did. He talked about feeling like a throwaway person when he was on the road like no one knew him while he was out there. While I was having dinner with our kids he would be picking up truck stop food, or sitting at a diner by him self. I could tell it wasn't healthy for his mental Heath to be gone that long so we looked into other options. That is when we heard about drive away companies. It has been life changing honestly he is his own boss gets to pick his loads where he picks up, when he comes home and the pay is great. He doesn't have to miss our kids school stuff or other important things. Don't get me wrong its still hard when he leaves but knowing he can come home when he wants and is only gone for about a week is so much better.

Aug 16, 2017
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Truckers and their wives NEW
by: Anonymous

I get the issue of being alone. I have been married for 25 years and my husband has been driving for 20 years. We have two adult children who are both mentally challenged and I have no friends who are married to truck drivers. I only talk
To other wives online.

I love my husband and gave up my career as an administrative assistant to raise our mentally challenged twins. I miss working and count every minute of every day waiting to see my husband and when he is home time goes fast.


Aug 16, 2017
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Support Line NEW
by: Anonymous

If there was a service line setup, whether it be for advice, or just someone to talk to that use to be a female trucker would anyone here find that helpful? I am thinking about creating some sort of outlet for those driving out on the road all of the time, or even those having a hard time at home with their family on the road. Any opinions are greatly appreciated.

Jul 06, 2017
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First year NEW
by: Anonymous

We've been at this for a year this month. He gets to come home whenever he can catch a break in between loads, which has been about every 6-8 weeks for about a week at a time. The easiest thing for me has been to establish a routine when I'm home with the kids and a routine when he's home. As much as I'd love for him to work local, we've established goals for ourselves, some small and some bigger but always have something that we're moving towards to keep hope alive for both of us. I have certain expectations of him when he's home and vice versa. I try not to expect what he can't physically give, since it wouldn't be fair and we talk as much as possible. For the most part, I try to remember this is the life that we've chosen for now and somedays its harder to remember than others. I am grateful that Ive had to learn to do things on my own. I'm looking forward to learning from this page and learning to navigate through this new life.

Jul 04, 2017
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lonely NEW
by: Anonymous

Fefe... I would reconsider the wedding in a heartbeat. My husband had been an otr driver for years. He got a local driving job where he was home every night while we were dating. It was perfect. I knew I would need someone who was home more. That's just who I am. So when we were engaged and then married 2 years ago, I knew I would be with him every night. We got along and were happy. However, 3 months after getting married, he went back to being over the road without even asking my opinion. I feel like I was disrespected and "framed" really. I could care less about the money. Honestly, when I do the calculation for what he makes versus time away from home..it's about 7 bucks an hour. Can't get him to see that. He would just argue the "drive time" pay. Our marriage has fallen apart since then. It's been nothing but sexting other women and cussing me or calling me a crybaby for being alone every night. I would completely rethink marrying an otr driver which my husband was not when I married him.

Jul 03, 2017
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Truckers Wife NEW
by: Lonely Wife

Feeling the same lonely daily struggle that I have been reading on this website. My husband and I will be married 25 years this October. He has been driving for 20 years we have twins both with mental disabilities and I feel like I raised them myself but without my husband doing what he does I could not have been a stay-at-home mom. We try and call each other daily but that does not make up for him being at home. Time to ourselves is near impossible when you have to pay a worker to take your child out since cannot be left on their own.

If I did not love him as much as I do to get through the daily struggles I would have dumped him on year five. Trust is a big factor when you are a truckers wife.


Jun 29, 2017
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Same Boat, Different Truck NEW
by: TNTantrum

I came here looking for support and found more lonely women. So sad...

He's been Midwest regional for two years now. We just had our 9th anniversary, which we missed, of course. Prior to the job change, he worked two jobs and I had my career with which to raise our two boys. The short story is that my mental health tanked to where I stepped away from work. When bills piled up, our bootstraps situation failed and he swapped his two jobs for the big rig.

He's gone for 5+ days and home for 40- hours during the weekend. I have no network of support for raising our kids. No sitter, daycare, group, or frequently visiting grandparents. When he's home, he's too busy doing nothing to be bothered with helping. It's like pulling teeth to get him to run an errand, cut the grass, or do anything with the boys that doesn't involve them watching their daddy play a computer game. He only wants to do anything when he wants my affection.

Tonight, we had an argument because I asked him to take the boys out for a bit this weekend so I could clean the house and have a little break. He blew up at me.

To be clear, my mental health is worse now than it was before I left my wonderful job, and things were bad even then. I'm failing to get the help I need. Maybe when the kids are in school, that'll afford me a window to wellness.

Thanks for listening.

May 24, 2017
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New NEW
by: Anonymous

Hello ladies....i am basically on the same boat as you guys....my husband started working OTR 4 years ago and we have 2 little children...4 year old and a 2 year old...it is really hard not to have your husband home every night...i feel super lonely and stressed...i feel like I'm a single mom...and at the same time I feel guilty maybe I am selfish but then this is not a way of life....so confused and just sad:( I don't even know how it feels to have your husband come home every day and make him dinner...

May 10, 2017
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im lonely too NEW
by: Annie

Hi I am in the same situation, not a trucker husband but he works abroad. When we met he had a 9-5 earning well so I didn't have any hesitation getting into a relationship with him..Then once I was head over heals he was offered work in Africa. I was devastated so he turned it down but he took the next offer. And the next and finally o said I couldn't stand it anymore and that if he was serious then marriage then at the end of his work no more trips away because the lonlieness was making me sick. It was OK for a few years in fact amazing but now he has done it again just got a job and left. I'm lonely because I'm loyal but I like being kissed goodnight, I like being cuddled daily, I like talking about my day with a real human and not a phone, I like waking up next to someone I love. I'm trapped, I could go but then what? Will I find love again? Or will I regret it. He is hard enough to shrug it off and move on but seeing him do that would kill me. I have told him how I feel and he just shrugs and says oh well sorry its hard for you but I'm working and I want new bike parts.

Apr 29, 2017
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Lonely Hearts NEW
by: Fefe

HI ladies so glad I found this page!
I'm engaged to a wonderful man we actually met over the road I was a otr trucker for 4 years it wasn't for me my fiancee is 16 years older and has been driving otr for more than 20yrs. We dated for 6 months before getting serious I told him I was getting off of the road wanted to go back to school to get a bachelors in health Science I asked him if he would be willing to look at local driving jobs because I didn't think our relationship would work if he was gone all the time he said he would be open to that.it's been almost three years now and he gets upset anytime I bring up a local job he says he wouldn't make enough money so now we're engaged and I told him we need to slow down and talk because I'm not happy I even moved away from my family so he could be close to his children which was a mistake since they don't wanna see him anyways bc he's always been gone idk what to do i think I have a lot more understanding than most trucker wife's because I was a trucker have no friends here any suggestions??

Apr 29, 2017
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Lonely Hearts NEW
by: Fefe

HI ladies so glad I found this page!
I'm engaged to a wonderful man we actually met over the road I was a otr trucker for 4 years it wasn't for me my fiancee is 16 years older and has been driving otr for more than 20yrs. We dated for 6 months before getting serious I told him I was getting off of the road wanted to go back to school to get a bachelors in health Science I asked him if he would be willing to look at local driving jobs because I didn't think our relationship would work if he was gone all the time he said he would be open to that.it's been almost three years now and he gets upset anytime I bring up a local job he says he wouldn't make enough money so now we're engaged and I told him we need to slow down and talk because I'm not happy I even moved away from my family so he could be close to his children which was a mistake since they don't wanna see him anyways bc he's always been gone idk what to do i think I have a lot more understanding than most trucker wife's because I was a trucker have no friends here any suggestions??

Mar 20, 2017
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What to do NEW
by: Anonymous

My husband and I will be married 40 years in October, he has been on the road the entire time. He works hard for our family, always makes sure we have what we need and want. When I was busy raising our 3 children by myself, my time was filled up. Now they are all grown and married with children of their own. Retired from my job about 10 years ago, he will never retire I know that, missed a major surgery I had(really). I am lonely, feel as though I have no purpose, useless, like he really doesn't need me, that I am just a burden to him. Lately he makes decision on major purchases on his own, he may tell me that same day or maybe not at all, we used to talk about it first! It's his money, his house, his cars, I don't work so I am unworthy of any say so. We barely talk, or anything else. I stay busy with grandkids, I am blessed to have them. Went through a major loss two years ago that was a nightmare of an ending, I didn't want to be alone all the time, needed someone to talk to, he is emotionally unavailable. Please pray for us, thank you.

Mar 01, 2017
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Feel the same NEW
by: Anonymous

I feel exactly how you do and am so confused on what to do myself, I have lost someone close to me recently and not only grieved on my own when I found out but attended the funeral on my own, he comes home not any kind of support, I don't really have any advice just to say your not alone.. bills need paying but is this all worth it? At least your hubby has been faithful mine hasn't sadly... and I think that plays on my mind too.. hard being a truckers wife x

Feb 28, 2017
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Fed up!! NEW
by: Anonymous

So my husband left his OTR that was paying around $5k per month back in November to do a local job for fed ex. Well now he is complaining it isn't paying the bills. So he is quitting on Friday and going back OTR. I am devastated. We have a six year old who is as well. He just doesn't understand that this local job was supposed to be permanent. And if he wanted to keep the $5k he just should've stayed at his old job and not shaken our whole family. All I want is to own a home and for him to be a local driver and he is all over the place.

Feb 28, 2017
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Can relate... NEW
by: Anonymous

I can relate. My husband and I have been married 1 year and in that year, I saw him 7 days. It was and is horrible. I havent seen him since 1 day together in October. Our anniversary was in Dec. The stress caused me to question so much and in turn, 5 days before our 1st anniversary he tells me he doesnt love me anymore. I was crushed. Today we are trying to work on it but it is so hard. It is the end of Feb. Now and still he will not come home. Almost 5 months now- no i love you, i miss you or am thinking of you....we were so damn crazy in love and had a simple and beautiful wedding/honeymoon.we were together 6 years before tieing the knot...he has changed and is not the same. No I am not- this life killed us and I am desperately trying to revive us....I wasnt supportive and that drove a wedge of resentment btwn us. I so regret it and wished I was more accepting. The thought of losing him for a life we both wanted is devastating. So much so, that these 5 months are truly nothing when ya think about it...sure it is lonely and I miss so much- that is ok and expected buut I have realized I chose him and what he loves to do and do accept it wholeheartedly..I just hope I am not too late. Decide what you truly want- be with him and support him or else it will most assuredly crumble.

Jan 25, 2017
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Selfish Men NEW
by: Anonymous

Why have men become so bloody selfish ? Why are their jobs more important than their families OR do they prefer to hide from reality?
I don't agree that they do this work so they can provide for their families. I think it suits them to live the single life... have their cake and eat it "when it suits" I've read these comments and it's the women who are walking on egg shells so they don't upset hubby when he comes home.
Where are all the decent men ?

Jan 22, 2017
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30yr driver NEW
by: Anonymous

I am a thirty year truck driver, I was reading the comments from all the ladies.Me and my wife has been together for 28yrs and had our ups and downs, we have two wonderful children and three grandchildren. I have done everything to provide for my family and I always have been very faithful to them and cherish them even to this day. I'm not saying it was easy but we got through it,we worked together on our ups and downs.When the kids got sick or my wife came down sick I put my self my job on the line, thay always came first in my life My wife is gone now that she passed away last May she came down sick, I came off the road for four months to take care of her not caring about my job tho she is gone now she's always on my mind, I still do what I have to to be there for my family. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're husband's are putting their jobs before you and your children, I suggest you and your husband needs to sit down and have a serious talk about things.You need to explain the situation to him, and don't hold any thing back, I had to learn myself the hard way and I'm glad I did, I know we all have to work but they have to be there for you and your family time, if they have to be gone all the time, then the only thing I can say is that the job means more to them. I'm home on weekends and holidays sometimes during the week, so they can do the same if they want to, things can work out trust me been there.

Jan 08, 2017
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At home NEW
by: Partner in OTR

My husband and I have known each other years been together 6. I may be home and may be lonely but our solution is I'm 100% a part of his job. Even when he's a company driver I help map routes, set stops for meals, call ahead and reserve parking. Yes its more work on top of my daily family stuff but I feel involved. It keeps us tied together and I know exactly where he is and usually what he's doing. I feel this involvement keeps us linked and together. If he comes close to home I pack up the kids and we go to meet him for a few hours. Just some suggestions for those struggling to deal with it all.

Dec 27, 2016
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Truckers wife NEW
by: Anonymous

I have been with my husband for 19 years 16 of that him driving... It is very lonely and hard at times not only for us but for them too.. My husband is a very hard worker not selfish he does what he does for his family not himself like most drivers.

Aug 17, 2016
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I want to matter NEW
by: Fed Up

I have been married to a truck driver for 36 years. Raised 3 kids by myself, looked after house, banking, grocery shopping and everything else. He had a few jobs in between which allowed him to be home, but he's back at it. The kids are grown and we now have 4 grandchildren. Looking back I realize I should have left years ago. We are basically weekend room mates. I waited years for him to choose us and find myself now waiting for him to choose me. Pretty much at the end of the line for me. I want to live before it's too late.

Jun 15, 2016
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I understand JoAnna NEW
by: Kay

JoAnna, I hear you. My husband has been in trucking for two years - we have been together three and a half - and I am wondering how much more I can take. I am grateful for his hard her works for myself and our babies but I can feel us drifting apart.

I am in MN , too. Maybe we can start our own truckers' wives group!!

Jun 15, 2016
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I understand JoAnna NEW
by: Kay

JoAnna, I hear you. My husband has been in trucking for two years - we have been together three and a half - and I am wondering how much more I can take. I am grateful for his hard her works for myself and our babies but I can feel us drifting apart.

I am in MN , too. Maybe we can start our own truckers' wives group!!

Jul 28, 2015
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otr trucker NEW
by: Anonymous

why he won't drive local? he must not be making much money if you still have work.there is a lot of local job that would pay him good money.then he can be a good husband and father.

Jan 04, 2014
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A Husband Whose eyes have opened NEW
by: A Husband

I considered trucking to make a living. I have been married for 15 years. I have changed my mind after reading this.
Truckers are selfish, childish men. I will not accept my family and wife suffering like you have over what? A stupid job? There are other ways to make a good living and guess what, you can also be a husband and be home with your family.
Those a******* are away because they want to be. They want to escape the stresses of raising childeren and families. Its a shame they leave you ladies to do it alone and some of you are decent enough to try. Dont listen to the BS. There are other jobs

For me, I will remain a husband and father, piss on the trucker thing. I would rather have a happy woman.

Sep 13, 2012
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I hate his job.. NEW
by: Anonymous

I need to complain zo here goes. My husband and I own our trucking business. I do all the paperwork, raise ourv11 month old son, deal with our rental House, take care of all the bills,chores everything! He loves hiz job and then half the time hates it. He calls me 15 times a day bitching and moaning about how everything is terrible. He wont try a different career because he says he can't have a boss.He wants to grow the business and I dont think I have the energy to do anymore plus listen his constant bitching. Its funny but I feel like I married his job..... Im so sad:( Whaam I suposed to do its always about him..

Jun 06, 2012
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A lonely truckers wife needs advice NEW
by: Anonymous

I got in the truck with Doug last year. My kids are grown and i have never been anywhere before So I quite my job and started riding with him and i love it. i got really sick with bleeding ulcers and had to stay home for the last 2 months. i cant stand him being gone all the time escecially if i had little ones still running around But children need the daddy around to He's going to look around one day and those babies will be grown and he's going to miss it being gone all the time i love Doug with all my heart but i dont want to be alone Some of my friends and I get together in the morning for coffee All our men are truck drivers i wish you lived close to use cause we all know the lonelyness and we really help each other out Good Luck and hang in there

Nov 12, 2011
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I having one of those days too! lol NEW
by: Anonymous

Things typically are pretty good for me and I am VERY patient. But right now I really have to watch myself. He could have come in late last night but chose to sleep in his truck 45 minutes away to have his truck washed first thing in the morning. First thing I thought was... hmmm the trucks getting some action before I do...lol. Im going to see him later today and I tell myself that what Im feeling is normal and I just have to let it go for now. I only get to see him for appox 12 hours before he's OTR and don't want to make it a miserable 12 hours.... Yes, it does SUCK sometimes...

Nov 03, 2011
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Me too...
by: Brigit

My bf is a truck driver and I came on here to look for some support, I am struggling and it's a lifestyle that few understand. I am lucky that I got to go out with him this Feb - July 2011 and go around the country and it made a huge difference, thankfully we don't have kids or I would lose it. I was unemployed for about a year and a half, in July I got a FT job, so that ended my going out in the truck for a while... I miss him so much tho and it's rough. I am in MN (Twin cities) and like having a local connection... I am not aware of groups of women meeting about this, but it's helping to have found this website. He is out usually a week and a half to 2 weeks and home a few days and then gone again. I long for him to be home all the time, but also wonder what it would be like, he talks about changing careers, so it may happen, he says it's the perfect relationship, he is gone, comes home pays the bills & we spend time together and he is gone again. I disagree, but it's what we are doing for now... Hang in there, hit me back if you like. ; )

Oct 05, 2011
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bless your heart....
by: Anonymous

All the views and emotions you are feeling are all a normal thing of being a Trucker's Wife. We all go through times when we just want to blow that truck up or throw our hands up in the air and say we're done. I don't know a single truckers wife/girlfriend/fiancee that has NOT felt this way at one point in time.

Please know that you are NOT alone and there are plenty of us out here. Have you tried joining a TW support group? There are tons on facebook and other media sources that are full of great women who help each other on a daily basis to deal with everything that you are feeling. Especially on those days when you just need to vent, have an escape, or in need of a good laugh. I would urge you to seek one out, because I think everyone needs someone that they can relate to, and who will understand everything that you are going through. Something that the general public and many people just do not understand.

Having been where you are many times, my heart truly goes out to you. Please know that there are people there that know and care and willing to help.....

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