A Lonely truckers wife needs advice

by JoAnna
(SW MN)

I am a wife of a trucker also. I am always lonely, depressed and stressed out. I have to say I do totally hate the truckers wife life.

I love my husband with all my heart, but don't know how much more I can take. We have been together for 14 years, married for 8 and he has been trucking for 5.

We have 4 kids that I am basically raising on my own, going to school full time, working part time and trying to raise teenagers....YEAH RIGHT!!

I often wonder what my life would be like if he was working a regular job that he would be home at night and on weekends like he was before this trucking job.

We never fought and we always were happy to be together. When he comes home I feel like he is invading my space and interfering with my schedule. I sometimes feel he trucks to get away and have peace and quiet and not a care in the world while I sit at home stressed over the bills, deal with all my kids stuff (one of my kids has autism so that adds to it).

He doesn't understand why I don't tell him everything while he is gone on the road...well that would be because he never hears what I am saying. I don't know what to do anymore either. My husband is faithful (at least I am confident he is anyway) and I wouldn't dream of being unfaithful, but being lonely sure sucks and makes you think.

I always say if I have to be alone I might as well be alone. I suffer from a lot of guilt as well. He is out making money for our family doing what he loves and I have to wonder am I being greedy because I want him home.

but knowing I still need him to work. So confused.

I have no friends of truckers so none of my friends understand what I feel and why. I wish there was a truckers wife group in my area and well living in SW MN there are no such things...Thanks for listening....Does anyone have any words of wisdom??

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Jan 25, 2017
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Selfish Men NEW
by: Anonymous

Why have men become so bloody selfish ? Why are their jobs more important than their families OR do they prefer to hide from reality?
I don't agree that they do this work so they can provide for their families. I think it suits them to live the single life... have their cake and eat it "when it suits" I've read these comments and it's the women who are walking on egg shells so they don't upset hubby when he comes home.
Where are all the decent men ?

Jan 22, 2017
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30yr driver NEW
by: Anonymous

I am a thirty year truck driver, I was reading the comments from all the ladies.Me and my wife has been together for 28yrs and had our ups and downs, we have two wonderful children and three grandchildren. I have done everything to provide for my family and I always have been very faithful to them and cherish them even to this day. I'm not saying it was easy but we got through it,we worked together on our ups and downs.When the kids got sick or my wife came down sick I put my self my job on the line, thay always came first in my life My wife is gone now that she passed away last May she came down sick, I came off the road for four months to take care of her not caring about my job tho she is gone now she's always on my mind, I still do what I have to to be there for my family. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're husband's are putting their jobs before you and your children, I suggest you and your husband needs to sit down and have a serious talk about things.You need to explain the situation to him, and don't hold any thing back, I had to learn myself the hard way and I'm glad I did, I know we all have to work but they have to be there for you and your family time, if they have to be gone all the time, then the only thing I can say is that the job means more to them. I'm home on weekends and holidays sometimes during the week, so they can do the same if they want to, things can work out trust me been there.

Jan 08, 2017
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At home NEW
by: Partner in OTR

My husband and I have known each other years been together 6. I may be home and may be lonely but our solution is I'm 100% a part of his job. Even when he's a company driver I help map routes, set stops for meals, call ahead and reserve parking. Yes its more work on top of my daily family stuff but I feel involved. It keeps us tied together and I know exactly where he is and usually what he's doing. I feel this involvement keeps us linked and together. If he comes close to home I pack up the kids and we go to meet him for a few hours. Just some suggestions for those struggling to deal with it all.

Dec 27, 2016
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Truckers wife NEW
by: Anonymous

I have been with my husband for 19 years 16 of that him driving... It is very lonely and hard at times not only for us but for them too.. My husband is a very hard worker not selfish he does what he does for his family not himself like most drivers.

Aug 17, 2016
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I want to matter NEW
by: Fed Up

I have been married to a truck driver for 36 years. Raised 3 kids by myself, looked after house, banking, grocery shopping and everything else. He had a few jobs in between which allowed him to be home, but he's back at it. The kids are grown and we now have 4 grandchildren. Looking back I realize I should have left years ago. We are basically weekend room mates. I waited years for him to choose us and find myself now waiting for him to choose me. Pretty much at the end of the line for me. I want to live before it's too late.

Jun 15, 2016
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I understand JoAnna NEW
by: Kay

JoAnna, I hear you. My husband has been in trucking for two years - we have been together three and a half - and I am wondering how much more I can take. I am grateful for his hard her works for myself and our babies but I can feel us drifting apart.

I am in MN , too. Maybe we can start our own truckers' wives group!!

Jun 15, 2016
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I understand JoAnna NEW
by: Kay

JoAnna, I hear you. My husband has been in trucking for two years - we have been together three and a half - and I am wondering how much more I can take. I am grateful for his hard her works for myself and our babies but I can feel us drifting apart.

I am in MN , too. Maybe we can start our own truckers' wives group!!

Jul 28, 2015
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otr trucker NEW
by: Anonymous

why he won't drive local? he must not be making much money if you still have work.there is a lot of local job that would pay him good money.then he can be a good husband and father.

Jan 04, 2014
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A Husband Whose eyes have opened NEW
by: A Husband

I considered trucking to make a living. I have been married for 15 years. I have changed my mind after reading this.
Truckers are selfish, childish men. I will not accept my family and wife suffering like you have over what? A stupid job? There are other ways to make a good living and guess what, you can also be a husband and be home with your family.
Those a******* are away because they want to be. They want to escape the stresses of raising childeren and families. Its a shame they leave you ladies to do it alone and some of you are decent enough to try. Dont listen to the BS. There are other jobs

For me, I will remain a husband and father, piss on the trucker thing. I would rather have a happy woman.

Sep 13, 2012
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I hate his job.. NEW
by: Anonymous

I need to complain zo here goes. My husband and I own our trucking business. I do all the paperwork, raise ourv11 month old son, deal with our rental House, take care of all the bills,chores everything! He loves hiz job and then half the time hates it. He calls me 15 times a day bitching and moaning about how everything is terrible. He wont try a different career because he says he can't have a boss.He wants to grow the business and I dont think I have the energy to do anymore plus listen his constant bitching. Its funny but I feel like I married his job..... Im so sad:( Whaam I suposed to do its always about him..

Jun 06, 2012
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A lonely truckers wife needs advice NEW
by: Anonymous

I got in the truck with Doug last year. My kids are grown and i have never been anywhere before So I quite my job and started riding with him and i love it. i got really sick with bleeding ulcers and had to stay home for the last 2 months. i cant stand him being gone all the time escecially if i had little ones still running around But children need the daddy around to He's going to look around one day and those babies will be grown and he's going to miss it being gone all the time i love Doug with all my heart but i dont want to be alone Some of my friends and I get together in the morning for coffee All our men are truck drivers i wish you lived close to use cause we all know the lonelyness and we really help each other out Good Luck and hang in there

Nov 12, 2011
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I having one of those days too! lol NEW
by: Anonymous

Things typically are pretty good for me and I am VERY patient. But right now I really have to watch myself. He could have come in late last night but chose to sleep in his truck 45 minutes away to have his truck washed first thing in the morning. First thing I thought was... hmmm the trucks getting some action before I do...lol. Im going to see him later today and I tell myself that what Im feeling is normal and I just have to let it go for now. I only get to see him for appox 12 hours before he's OTR and don't want to make it a miserable 12 hours.... Yes, it does SUCK sometimes...

Nov 03, 2011
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Me too...
by: Brigit

My bf is a truck driver and I came on here to look for some support, I am struggling and it's a lifestyle that few understand. I am lucky that I got to go out with him this Feb - July 2011 and go around the country and it made a huge difference, thankfully we don't have kids or I would lose it. I was unemployed for about a year and a half, in July I got a FT job, so that ended my going out in the truck for a while... I miss him so much tho and it's rough. I am in MN (Twin cities) and like having a local connection... I am not aware of groups of women meeting about this, but it's helping to have found this website. He is out usually a week and a half to 2 weeks and home a few days and then gone again. I long for him to be home all the time, but also wonder what it would be like, he talks about changing careers, so it may happen, he says it's the perfect relationship, he is gone, comes home pays the bills & we spend time together and he is gone again. I disagree, but it's what we are doing for now... Hang in there, hit me back if you like. ; )

Oct 05, 2011
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bless your heart....
by: Anonymous

All the views and emotions you are feeling are all a normal thing of being a Trucker's Wife. We all go through times when we just want to blow that truck up or throw our hands up in the air and say we're done. I don't know a single truckers wife/girlfriend/fiancee that has NOT felt this way at one point in time.

Please know that you are NOT alone and there are plenty of us out here. Have you tried joining a TW support group? There are tons on facebook and other media sources that are full of great women who help each other on a daily basis to deal with everything that you are feeling. Especially on those days when you just need to vent, have an escape, or in need of a good laugh. I would urge you to seek one out, because I think everyone needs someone that they can relate to, and who will understand everything that you are going through. Something that the general public and many people just do not understand.

Having been where you are many times, my heart truly goes out to you. Please know that there are people there that know and care and willing to help.....

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