Where did things go wrong?
I'm a mother of a beautiful two year old girl named Zoe, and I'm also the wife of a trucker. I'm 23, and my husband is 25. He's been trucking now for almost 2 years.
He worked for a company that promised him he'd be home every other week for the his first year. What they meant by that is you can drive by and basically wave.
So I've been on my own, taking care of everything from our house, our bills, our daughter. I have to play Mommy and Daddy, because he is literally never here.
He recently started working for an owner operator company out of Oklahoma (where his family lives and where he is originally from). He said it would be so much better, he'll make a lot more, and he'll be home two weekends a month, plus if he ever wants to take time off, he can, bc he pays for the truck and everything else.
Well let me tell you, he sure fooled me. Because I've seen him ONE whole day since he's been working there for the past 5 months. If he ever gets to stop through... which literally never happens, he'll be here for maybe an hour. Maybe.
I feel so resentful, and angry, and hurt. He thinks as long as he is quote "providing for his family and the bills are paid" then that makes it ok.
But it's not ok.
There is more to a marriage than financial. He should be involved in our lives and be here for the important things. He should be there for me emotionally.
He's missed every single bday for our daughter. He's missed Christmas, Thanksgiving, and as of today our wedding anniversary is now canceled.
We had this amazing treehouse cottage booked in Eureka Springs for over two months. I even had a surprise miniature wedding cake being custom made for him as a surprise. He got the weekend off for our 3 year wedding anniversary. We were supposed to leave tomorrow afternoon (Friday) and not come back until Sunday. He called me today and said "I'm sorry. But I just can't afford to take off. Your going to have to cancel".
I was crying my eyes out on the phone begging and pleading him to still take off and we can go down there and eat bologna sandwiches for all I care, and he said no. So now I have a wedding cake that I'm sitting here and looking at, and no one to share it with.
He always does this. Anytime we have something planned, he cancels last minute. He hasn't seen me in a month and a half. Like I said earlier, last time he was here, it was for an hour. He drives by himself also. Who cancels their wedding anniversary? Especially since we've had it planned for over two months.
I guess I know where I stand with him. If he can't take off for important events like that, then when will he? I can't trust him or count on him. Because something always happens. Something always falls through.
He tried to tell me that because I had been severely ill with a kidney infection, then that's why he can't take off. Oh so now it's my fault because I was sick? Wow. That's a new one.
Last night, I went to the grocery store to get snacks for our trip, because as of last night, we were still going. I was so excited to get away and spend time with him. I got all of his favorite things. I even bought some sparkling grape juice since I can't drink alcohol with the antibiotics and pain killers I've been on.
Right before I go into the store I am on my cell phone with him and he randomly says out of the blue "I don't wanna have sex when we're on our anniversary" I was kind of caught off guard, because my husband has never NOT wanted sex, he's 25 for crying out loud. I was like "Ummm but we haven't seen each other in almost two months? It's our anniversary and you don't want to have sex? What did I do?" and he says "Eh, we can spend time together without having sex. I'm just not in the mood. I won't be, like ever. My sex drive is gone."
I have to admit, that really hurt when he said that. I know relationships and marriages aren't all about sex, it's never been that way for me. But he's always always wanted sex, plus he's a trucker for goodness sake and never gets to see me. How can he just be like "I don't want to have sex with you anymore". So I was hurt and I asked "ok am I that undesirable or something?" and he goes "It's not you. It's me." Yes, he officially used that cliche line on me. I was just stunned.
Then 12 hours later, all the sudden things change and because of supposed "financial reasons" he's canceling all of our plans for our anniversary, and not even taking off for it. Really? I'm still pinching myself to see if it's all real. It just makes me wonder if there is someone else or something?
A man who is 25, NEVER home, doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, and cancels our anniversary trip the day before. It just seems very suspicious to me. I know I'm not crazy for thinking it's suspicious. It's five kinds of messed up.
I'm sorry if I'm irritating anyone. But I need a safe place to vent, and for people to understand where I'm coming from. This seems like the place. What do you ladies think about all of it?
If you ask me, he left this marriage a long time ago. It's as if all he is, is a paycheck. Because that's literally all he provides. Money isn't everything. If he's on his death bed someday in the future, he's not going to be going "thank goodness I worked all the time and never saw my family" he's going to be wishing he would of seen us and spent time with us.
He may not have a family to come home to eventually. There is only so much hurt, and abandonment one can take. And I'm up to my limit.