Trucker don't want to come home to see wife and daughter, Am I Overreacting?

by Trina
(Carson City, Nevada )

Hi, I am married to a truck driver and I have a 3 year old daughter. These last four months have been very difficult for me because he has been gone for a month at a time and I have missed him terribly.

Now that he is done with his training and is out on his own he is able to ask for a couple days off to come home every two weeks. The problem I am having is that I am very upset because I want him to come home to see his daughter and I as soon as he is able to instead he decided he was going to wait an extra week to come home because his little sister is having a birthday party and his other siblings from out of state are coming down for her birthday.

I understand that he wants to see his family, but I dont seem to comprehend why he wouldn't want to see his wife and child sooner.

I guess the way I see it is that if I was away "working", away from my husband and away from my child, I would want to see them as soon as I could. The whole situation make me feel like my daughter and I are not as important.

He states "Its just another week" he doesn't understand that another week seems like an eternity. I am trying to ignore it but I cant, his decision has really upset me, I am annoyed, sad, mad.

I dont know how to react to it. Am I overreacting? I work full time, go to school full time, and also have my daughter to take care of, so its not that I just have extra time in my hands and am looking for something to be mad about.

It just doesn't make sense to me why anything would be more important to wait off on seeing your wife and daughter, besides a tragedy or really super important event like a wedding? (not a 15 year olds birthday?)

Please help, I dont know who to talk to because no one knows what it feels like to be married to someone who is rarely home.

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May 28, 2015
maybe a little NEW
by: Anonymous

With your daughter being so young is she really going to comprehend that dad isn't home in her birthday? Couldn't you postpone party until he got home? My husband has been driving 21 years. I have basically raised our children in my own, but kept him in the loop via phone. The kids knew that trucking companies that he worked for didn't guarantee home time except for Christmas. I know you miss him, but you have to put on a strong face for your daughter. If this is his chosen profession. You are going to have to compromise. Good luck and I hope it gets easier.

Mar 08, 2011
its a hard life
by: Anonymous

being a truckers wife is a very hard life and no one not even the trucker seems to understand how hard it can be on their family, they are out driving and making a living for us and kinda get consumed by the money making aspect . the heart strings get pulled every time it seems we the family gets lost in the dust cloud. if it were that he was worried about making enough money to pay the bills i can see, but i can see the side of the wife she is set aside her life as a partner to let her husband make a choice to be a trucker so whenever he can he should put his family first after God of course . it is the difference in how men and women look at things if men could only understand the way women see it. its like he is picking his extended family over his wife and child who have been put on hold anyways and then to say well its only a week well a week in a families life is a long time alot of things happen that daddy misses . i see how you must feel and it does hurt. but reality in trucking is this is going to happen over and over again so brace yourself . i have been a truckers wife for a very long time and i have lost something the gift to be able to look forward to just about everything see in trucking there are no certains just hoping , hoping he will make enough to pay the bills hoping he will be home to birthday parties and anniversary celebrations or just common ordinary everyday activities . if you allow yourself to look forward to anything you are setting yourself up for heartache because you just never know . this is a very hard way to live and it kinda hardens you . something we truck driver wives didnt really sign up for . i pray God gives you peace and mercy and things work out it is all about caring about what the other person in feeling or going through and communication. i dont at all think you are asking too much of your trucker. i know how very hard it is to answer questions from the kids wheres daddy thats the worst. God be with your family
ps if you ever need to chat i would be glad to help you out .

Mar 08, 2011
by: Hervy

Trina, I am happy to inform you that you just might be overreacting in this case!
Smile, it's ok.

I'll explain in a minute.

It's good that you care enough about him, want to see him, and want him to see his daughter asap. It's natural to feel some kind of way when it seems that he lacks the same level of interest in making this happen.

The problem is that you need more insight about trucking and what he is dealing with, that he may or may not have detailed for you.

This is what I will explain now.

And I am not taking his side, I am giving you insight, make sure you read all of this and take it in. I'll do my best to explain it in a way a person not being on the road can understand...

If he just got of training, I am sure he didn't get full checks. So depending on how often he gets paid he may just be getting a full check now.

Anytime you go home, it interrupts the money. Not only for the days off, but the next day or two depending on freight and logistics of where you guys stay, blah blah blah.

So think about this, from where ever he was, a load had to be found to go home. If he was already close that means a short run to get home which means a short check.(Paid by the mile ran) If he was far away and they found a load coming right back to the house cool, but it doesn't always happen like that.

Now if he did that twice on different occasions for daughter and other family coming in from out of town, especially that close together, it would mean taking a very short run in between dates in order to guarantee (not really, just increase the likely hood)getting back home.

In fact many trucking companies won't even let you go back home back to back in that short of a time. Especially not a new driver. Because they don't want to set a precedence for something they can't sustain. It's not profitable for them or the driver, so they don't want to start that.

I sense that he doesn't NOT want to see his daughter....but since people are coming in out of town AND it would help to bring in more money by waiting out one more week and drive, he is probably looking at it like it's a good thing for his wife and daughter (more money for the bills, etc) and him because he won't give the company negative vibs so earlier in his employment.

Plus he can see his family that's coming in from out of town.

Also, he probably can stay longer by waiting that week, than if he tried to come home 2 separate times.

This is just one of the disadvantages of trucking that I talk about here.

disadvantages of becoming a trucker

So, anyway, don't be mad, sad, or feel bad. Now you know the rest of the story. I hope anyway, lol. (if i didn't confuse you even more!)

If I still didn't help you get it, ask away with another question you may have and I will try again another way.

Mar 07, 2011
Life as a drivers wife
by: tinytoez

I understand your frustration, but look at it as a driver.
1) If those wheels on the truck are not under a load and rolling then there is no money to send home to take care of the family, so one more week will make that day of no pay a little easier to bear.
2) It is not that he does not want to see you and his daughter, but since he does get so little time at home, if this one time he can combine time with the immediate family with time with the extended family he can get a chance to see people he would not get to see for maybe a year or more.
3) if he waits one more week then that is another day he can spend with those that mean the most, and that one day can go a long way on the road.

I know it hurts to not see them, I only get to see my driver once every 6 to 8 weeks, and then it is only for 4 days, so when you do the math I only get to see him for 34 to 36 days out of the year. But I know that he does this and runs hard so that we here at home can have that little extra money to get that little extra to help. He does it because he loves us, yes he would rather be at home, but that is not an option with this line of work, and this is what fulfills him as a human being.

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