Struggling to be Supportive
My husband has only been in the truck for a month. He is O/O and a solo business man at this point. He is trying to figure all this HotShot (pickup truck & 40' gooseneck, so LTL only) stuff out.
We both are. Its stressful.
Our income is unknown at this point. The truck and trailer are unfamiliar to us and recently purchased so there are kinks to be worked out. Financially we already have to put some money into the truck to get it running the way he needs it to run.
My son is being released from a Residential Treatment Center at the end of the month and can not be in the same house as my eldest daughter as he victimized her. CPS wont take him due his 'risk' to other children in State Custody.
My daughter is going to have to be moved out of State to live with relatives before he is discharged. Then we have to figure out where to place my son until he and my daughter (these are husbands step kids) are able to live in the same house again, if ever.
I am dealing with CPS and Court and RTC and therapists and we have a 7 month old together. We are living with my in-laws to save up since we have no clue what our income is going to look like yet. My daughter has PTSD now and I am dealing with that as best I can.
MIL thinks daughter is being manipulative and has nothing 'wrong' with her. Adults struggle to deal with what she has been through and she is only 4. When my husband calls I try to tell him whats going here, to catch him up on appointments or court dates etc. I try to tell him how stressed I am and how much I wish he was here to partner with me on this stuff.
I cant get a word in most of the time. Its all about his broker and how he cant get a load and how
he is debating dead heading 5+ hours home or sleeping in the truck and everything thats going on with him and I cant get a word in.
He knows the situation with the kids. This incident happened over a year ago. I try to tell him that I need him to listen to me but most of the time I end up hanging up the phone on him (God how I miss landlines!). He calls back and I tell him that I have been trying to tell him something that is important but he wont let me. He says he is listening now and for me to tell him.
He apologizes. But....by that time Im so hurt/angry that I dont want to talk about because Im worried I will start screaming at him for the wrong reasons.
He REALLY is a good guy. Ive known him since we were kids. I love him dearly but I feel like sometimes he is clueless. Im not one to cry, atleast not in front of people. Maybe thats the problem? Maybe he thinks I can handle it all on my own?
I dont know. I dont want to be alone emotionally in dealing with this shit. I know he is out there working hard. I get that. I call his factorer when he needs me too. I make purchases for the business when he needs me to. I research fuel tanks and tires and diesel shops and schedule appointments and play Secretary and I listen to him vent about his day to day stuff.
I still need him to be my partner here too though, even if its just over the phone to let me vent or talk or maybe even cry.
I took him for granted when he was here. I never realized how much I had come to rely on knowing he was here or coming home at 5pm or that he could get be here at a moments notice if there was an emergency.
I never realized how much I would miss him being here.