Struggling to be Supportive

by Drew
(Mississippi)

My husband has only been in the truck for a month. He is O/O and a solo business man at this point. He is trying to figure all this HotShot (pickup truck & 40' gooseneck, so LTL only) stuff out.

We both are. Its stressful.

Our income is unknown at this point. The truck and trailer are unfamiliar to us and recently purchased so there are kinks to be worked out. Financially we already have to put some money into the truck to get it running the way he needs it to run.

My son is being released from a Residential Treatment Center at the end of the month and can not be in the same house as my eldest daughter as he victimized her. CPS wont take him due his 'risk' to other children in State Custody.

My daughter is going to have to be moved out of State to live with relatives before he is discharged. Then we have to figure out where to place my son until he and my daughter (these are husbands step kids) are able to live in the same house again, if ever.

I am dealing with CPS and Court and RTC and therapists and we have a 7 month old together. We are living with my in-laws to save up since we have no clue what our income is going to look like yet. My daughter has PTSD now and I am dealing with that as best I can.

MIL thinks daughter is being manipulative and has nothing 'wrong' with her. Adults struggle to deal with what she has been through and she is only 4. When my husband calls I try to tell him whats going here, to catch him up on appointments or court dates etc. I try to tell him how stressed I am and how much I wish he was here to partner with me on this stuff.

I cant get a word in most of the time. Its all about his broker and how he cant get a load and how he is debating dead heading 5+ hours home or sleeping in the truck and everything thats going on with him and I cant get a word in.

He knows the situation with the kids. This incident happened over a year ago. I try to tell him that I need him to listen to me but most of the time I end up hanging up the phone on him (God how I miss landlines!). He calls back and I tell him that I have been trying to tell him something that is important but he wont let me. He says he is listening now and for me to tell him.

He apologizes. But....by that time Im so hurt/angry that I dont want to talk about because Im worried I will start screaming at him for the wrong reasons.

He REALLY is a good guy. Ive known him since we were kids. I love him dearly but I feel like sometimes he is clueless. Im not one to cry, atleast not in front of people. Maybe thats the problem? Maybe he thinks I can handle it all on my own?

I dont know. I dont want to be alone emotionally in dealing with this shit. I know he is out there working hard. I get that. I call his factorer when he needs me too. I make purchases for the business when he needs me to. I research fuel tanks and tires and diesel shops and schedule appointments and play Secretary and I listen to him vent about his day to day stuff.

I still need him to be my partner here too though, even if its just over the phone to let me vent or talk or maybe even cry.

I took him for granted when he was here. I never realized how much I had come to rely on knowing he was here or coming home at 5pm or that he could get be here at a moments notice if there was an emergency.

I never realized how much I would miss him being here.

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Mar 27, 2017
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That's a lot to deal with NEW
by: Laura

Wow. Sounds like you have a lot going on. I am truly sorry for your situation. No family should have to go through so much all at once. That's a lot for you to deal with on your own and I'm sure your family and friends have no clue how hard it is. It makes me feel like my issues are so miniscule to yours.

My husband and "I" started the same business a year ago. It is NOT easy. He has a ram dually with a 4 car trailer that breaks down constantly. Tires blowing rims bending something cracking somewhere. The hours he spends on the side of the road fixing the turbo that blew in the truck. He refusesaid to stay in hotels because it's too expensive. The shitty food. The Assholes on the road. I feel really bad for him most days.

Then I get really annoyed. Not to down play your issues because they really are a lot more serious then mine. But like I said no one understandstudied so I came here to vent also. The countless hours of him complaining. Telling me over and over how we're going to be okay. Our rent is 2 months late. Our bills are all overdue. He has hasn't had enough money for insurance since January so we're running off someone else's insurance. Telling me how he wants to buy a tractor. Or how he wants a 10 car. Then the next day he says he wants a 6 car. Then he tells me he's gonna hire another driver and I'm going to book his loads. While he's constantly flipping out on me that I didn't read the business emails and something wasn't paid. And the countless hours he's bitching at me for not keeping the office in order. I see his phone call and I don't want to answer. But I answer anyway because I know he needs to talk to someone. Then I hear again and again how everything will be fine in a month. I've heard that since last year. And if even hears a bit of aggravation in my voice he'll scream at me and hang up. Not to mention the minutes he wastes talking to the driver next to him or the waitress or while he's on the phone or tablet or cb. I just sit there and wait. I really don't tell him much about home because he'll come home and flip out on the kids for things I've complained about to him a week later.

I have 3 sons. 21, 14 and 9. He has 2 sons 18 and 13. We have no kids together. My 21 year old moved out last year right after we started the business. He was sick of us fighting and being broke. His 18 year old moved out in October for the same reasons. So now it's just me and the younger 2. They both play sports and have crazy schedules. Money flying out the window for sports, uniforms traveling and food. I disowned my parents last year because my 21 year old went to them and told them some lies about life here, started problems and i told them to F off. So i really have no support. No one to talk to about it. But then...

I think about him. Alone on the road for days on end. He was gone for 3 and a half weeks came home for 4 days and just left Monday and won't be back until next week then leaving again until my son's birthday in April. Sleeping in his truck uncomfortably, stuffed in the back. Dirty greasy miserable most days. And then here I am in my comfortable house eating whatever and whenever I want. Ordering stuff and shopping because his sacrifice allows me to. So you kinda Gotta take the good with the bad. Now I let him talk while the speaker phones on and he's on mute and I go about my things. He gets a "yeah" or "cool" or "really?" every now and then. As long as he knows I'm listening he's okay with it. Right now he's in Arizona. He's going to ga then Michigan. The money will start coming in and you'll be okay. I can't promise anything but there's a lot you both have to deal with. Obviously you're a strong woman because he wouldn't have done this if you weren't. No one gets this life. Be patient, I know it's hard cuz I can't believe I'm saying it. We are their rocks. Just try to hold on and be positive as hard as that is to hear. I think it's a good idea to take the son with him. Make him work. HARD.

Mar 13, 2017
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Problem son. NEW
by: Anonymous

Your husband should take his problem son on the road with him. When your husband comes home, leave the problem son in a motel room until time to hit the road again.

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