New Here... Looking for Support For Dealing With Trucking Life

by K
(Conroe, Texas)

My husband and I have been married 5 years and have two amazing kids ages 2 and 1. My husband drove OTR off and on since we got married but a little over two years ago he was in the oil field. He was new so he was the first to lose his job.

With a 6-month old at home we had to move to find a oil hauling job then that went down and he lost his job the same week our second was born. He couldn't even get a $9 an hour job and from being out of work so much we were in so much debt.

I felt like there was no choice to let him do whatever he wanted to get work so he became an OTR OO. It has been one year and it's been rough. The truck was not what the dealership stated. They fixed some stuff but not even half of what needed to be done.

I think we put $20,000 in it so far and still needs more work. That is one thing that is tearing us apart. We have to fix the truck but I never see the end and never see us able to get debt paid off so maybe one day our kids could have a home and maybe not live in fear every month If we can pay rent.

If the truck needs something I'm not allowed to say anything I am just suppose to figure out what bills not to pay so it can be done which gets stressful especially when it is stuff that's not needed right away when the electric bill is due.

I feel the kids and I always come last. Even though he loves the kids so much. He spends every second when he is home. If anything around the house needs to be done I can't tell him about it. Bye will tell me because of my disability I can't fix it that he will do it. But once he gets home if I ask he gets mad because he is either playing with the kids or after their asleep he's to tired. So i fix it myself.

One thing I can't do is unpack our garage that you can't even walk in and move boxers. We moved 4 months and all the boxes that were put in there are still there. I also wait until he buys his groceries and whatever else he wants for himself before I can see what is left for us.

I just get stressed out and feel unappreciated and overwhelmed because I stay at home and take care of the kids. I have no friends and there are no mom groups around. My family lives close but think my children are to young for them to watch them. I man what would I do while someone watched my kids anyways? If my husband calls while someone is throwing a fit I get criticized for not disciplining them enough and he states that they always act like that.

He use to do the same when he is home but he is finally learning a 1 and 2 year old are going to act like a 1 and 2 year old. But if I'm having a rough day ill let him know. Then he just picks at me until I'm upset and will start calling me a child, etc. So I can not even talk to him when I have a rough day.

It makes me feel down and angry towards him for leaving me. I guess that is how I feel. I feel like a single stay at home mom who spends all day playing and teaching my children to spend all night cleaning up after them and then i work on biz expenses, etc. To only get 4 hours of sleep if everyone started asleep all night just to do it over and over again.

I'm exhausted. I use to be a real calm mom who never yelled and always had fun but now I'll find myself staring at the wall not wanting to play all the time or even worse yelling at my 2 year old. The poor girl is just like me too. when someone yells at her she shuts down and its just horrible to see her little face drop and you can see her shut down.

I feel horrible but don't caught myself until it is already done. Not to even mention cooking dinner! I'm so stressed by dinner time and done with the day dinner feels like the biggest task ever. Plus both my kids stand there and scream at me the entire time! Like I wasn't playing with you 2 seconds ago but now that I'm cooking they want my full attention and sometimes they just yell because they are hungry and want to eat now. I just can not win.

Sorry I'm all over the place. I was just thinking today how there has to be something out there with people who understand. I'm glad I found something. Please let me know of tips on how to stop this mindset and become a better single parent for my kids.