Married to a Man Who is Married to the Road
(North Carolina, United States)
My husband and I have been best friends since we were 11 and 12 years old. We are now 22 and 23. We have been together for 4 years and have been married 7 months out of those 4 years.
We have a beautiful 3 year old son, 4 year old pup, house, and lots of responsibilities that come along with all of that.
My husband started truck driving back in November of 2012. Our son had just turned 1 when my husband decided to go to a community college to get his truck driving license. As soon as he told me that he was going to completely change his career, my heart dropped.
He was the only provider which meant that I would need to stop going to college,go back to work with our 9 month old son, and completely re arrange our lives so my husband could change his career.
I was terrified and so was he. We made it work while he was in school for 3 months. Right out of school he landed a great job that paid very highly for such a young driver. (My husband had just turned 21 at that time.)
We were behind and on the verge of losing everything. Thankfully, with my husband being over the road for 3 weeks at a time and only home for 3 days he was making lots of money and we were able to catch our world back up in about 2 months time.
With our financial burdens finally being resolved, my world came crashing down. I was ready for my husband to be home already but he had only been over the road for a few short months.
Each day my heart was breaking more and more, and his heart grew stronger for the road. Finally, about a year into him being with that company, I broke down and put my heart into his hands. I explained that it being just me with everything on my plate at home with no help from him other than a pay check was not okay.
I was afraid, lonely, exhausted, hurt, and playing the role of a single parent who was banking on very high child support. He then explained to me that the road was his mistress and that this was his life now. I was literally sick. I couldn't eat or sleep. I was already worn slam out from having a young toddler and the world on my shoulders, and then my husband hit me with that curve ball.
I had one foot out of the door when my husband decided to switch companies which would have him out for only 1 week at a time and home 3 weekends out of the month. This saved our relationship. It saved his and our sons relationship as well.
It is still a daily battle. I still cant sleep at night. I'm lucky to get a 4 hour stretch. Because he isn't home I feel unprotected, especially because it is just me and my son. I trust him with my life because I love the man and we know each other just as well as we know ourselves, but I'm ready for my driver to be home every night.
Our son is such a beautiful handful now that he has entered the horrible 3's and I feel that he would benefit greatly if his Daddy was home every night. Am I selfish for feeling this way? Should I man up and suck it up?
Am I a horrible wife because I want my husband to change companies again so I can have some peace of mind in my life and be able to sleep and feel safe and not alone in a terrifying world?
He loves what he does. It is in his blood and runs in his family. I did not sign up to be a truckers wife, but I will be every day for the rest of my life because I love him and I promised to stand by his side always.
I just wish he could feel my pain for one day. To feel my fear, pain, passion, love, loneliness, bitterness, hurt, resentment, and disgust for feeling all of this at once!
I'll always be here waiting for him. I just pray that waiting isn't something that I will always have to do. I pray every night that one day soon I will be able to kiss my husband goodnight every evening as we lay down together.
My mind tells me that eventually this will happen. My heart tells me that my mind is just sticking a band-aid on a wound that needs stitches.
Just another lonely early morning sob story from a young trucker's wife. Sorry this is so long.
Thank you for taking the time to read!