Male long haul truck driver looking for advise

by Dave
(Ottawa ontario canada)

Hello. I am a long haul truck driver.
Been driving for almost 3 yrs.

I have a wife,just had 6 yr anniversary. Have 2 kids. One 8 yr old daughter and 4 yr old son.
I work 70 hr. 36hr reset. I am the only source of income. I leave Sundays return Fridays.

My mind set is this... I am sad when I leave for work but also happy. Most weekends are me raising my voice because my children are making too much noise. My wife does not work, stay at home mom. House is never clean. Laundry is all over the house. Clean mixed with dirty. Kids rooms are never clean. Never have any money.

I normally pull 900 a week. (Canadian)

Am I a complete ass for thinking there is no reason for a dirty house etc...?

Money issue is something to work on..i get that. But it's always "we will catch up next week"

I am just easily annoyed now. I understand being on the road makes drivers antisocial.

Just don't know what to do. I've hinted that the house could have gotten clean... pick 1 room a day.

We don't pay for water use...laundry can be done..but it's not. I'm going fn nuts.

I just don't say anything cause I don't want to hurt any feelings.

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Sep 17, 2017
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wow NEW
by: Anonymous

what does she do all week?
i could not deal with that.

Sep 16, 2017
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I wouldn't put it like that Dave
by: Hervy

I think it is reasonable to expect the house to be clean with the right woman. I just have no idea who your wife is, so for your wife, that expectation may or may not be reasonable.

What I mean is people's mind operate differently. Plus we are only hearing what you are giving us.

Having said that, I can understand your frustration to a degree. I am wondering if this was always the case or if at some point she used to keep the house clean and laundry done then things kind of went down hill as time went on.

You said, that you don't say anything to keep from hurting any feelings. That is noble of you. However, you must find a way to communicate your frustration and desires without being mean, condescending and hurtful.

I definitely give you a lot of credit for writing end seeking advice and help. Says a lot about who you are and wanting things to improve.

I think professionals might suggest you try something like this.

Go in on Friday or early Saturday morning and start cleaning and doing the laundry the way that you want it. Invite your wife to help. Suggest 1 of those things be done on a particular day and time that is best for her schedule. The next time you are home, suggest another thing be done at a ideal time for her schedule.

OR instead ask your wife how can you help her with the laundry or room cleaning when you are home based on the time that is best for both of you.

Here is what I am afraid you might be saying without saying. Because you drive all week and make the money, you shouldn't be expected to do any of the work or rearing of the kids when you are at home.

If that is your argument, I would say that is not reasonable. One of the main complaints that women write in about is the driver having that mindset about it. That would be a nice arrangement but most women are not compatible with that mindset.

The reality is that for most women, you communicate your love and appreciation for them by helping with the house and raising/parenting the kids. (I am only saying that because, of the way you said you spend your time raising your voice because the kids are making too much noise.)

Are they simply being kids or are they unruly. If they are unruly then your wife might need help. If they are just doing what kids do, then you might want to interact with them and not try to tell them to be quiet so much.

Hey man, I drive so I can understand being tired after working all week. The problem is that parenting comes with sacrifice. I choose not to have kids to not give up my time, but if you have them, unfortunately, if you want the best chances of them being well balanced, you have to contribute.

Bottom line is it's just not going to be easy. If you had the woman perfectly compatible for your personality and wishes I guess it would work out to be easier.

However, you have to face reality of how how your personalities compliment each other. You have to get on the same page.

If you are the one more mindful about the need to improve the relationship the burden really is on you to proactively make it better. The wives that write in here the same thing from me.

Something else you could do is suggest counseling so that both of you could get unbiased suggestions and coaching to help make distribution of duties more even and contributions to the household more "fair" and planned out.

That way, no one is dissapointed with the other, as much.

Another option or addition to counseling is a book called "The 5 Love Languages" from Gary Chapman. It helps you to get on the same page with your expectations from the relationship.

More advice and free download on this page

Trucker Relationship Tips

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