Long Haul OTR Trucking & Marriage Do Not Go Together

I have a husband that has only been a driver for 5 months now. Do you notice that I did not describe myself as a trucker's wife. I have good reason.

I will not let my husband's job title define me! Well my hub was calling me several times a day when he was with his trainer for 30 days. He passed his final test & they gave him a truck & they gave him a team driver which has left my hub twice.

The first time the team driver left, the company took the team driver back & this time they gave my hub another team driver which my hub does not care for.

Well the few times my hub was home, it was honeymoon time all over again & I have done nothing to provoke him to do what I am about to mention next. But I now have our phone bill sent electronically & the bill now shows all phone #s made & received on both phones.

Well I noticed that there were a heck of a lot of calls on my hub's phone that said the calls were incoming & the phone # listed was unavailable & these calls were several times a day, almost a dozen a day & the most minutes were 85 minutes.

Now he has never spent that long on the phone to me or to my daughter. And some of these calls came after my hub told me he was going to bed & he was tired.

I tried to call him about these calls & I got his voicemail so I text him & I told him what the bill stated & I sure got a slap in the face the next morning when he text me back & said he was going to call the phone carrier & see if he can get me blocked from me seeing who he is calling!

Now I am his wife & he is going to say that. So I in the meantime wrote back & told him he feels that way, then he doesn't need to know what we are doing back here at home.

I don't care what other wives might say or other truckers but I have been told this & if I had a dime for everyone that told me this, I could buy a mansion but I was told EVERY 18 WHEELER OTR TRUCK DRIVER CHEATS ON HIS GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE!

And my aunt who is a bartender at a bar in a restaurant has told me that my hub sounds like the type of guy that would get some extracurricular activity & when he comes home, expect me to me that loving wonderful wife in the bedroom. WRONG!

The last time my hub was home he told me he had no money on him & that he needs at least $1,000.00 to cover him for expenses on the road for food since he will be away for 6 or more weeks.

When he is home, I do his laundry, make sure his truck is filled up, make him hot home cooked meals & I give him my undivided attention & I am attentive to him. Well when I went to pick up his pants for laundry, his wallet fell out & what fell out was $450.00, all in 9 $50.00 bills.

I asked him I thought you said you had no money & he said oh this is what I have left from the last time. Now there was lie #1.

I am very hurt & angry over this statement about calling the phone carrier to get me blocked. Well he is hiding something. And then he says if I would have called him, he could have told me who he was calling.

I was calling & all I got was his voicemail & I also asked him to call me, which he did not. Also I have removed my rings & when people ask me my marital status I say separated, which wives & truck drivers are when they are OTR.

My daughter also has taken it upon herself to remove our wedding picture off the wall & she put the picture through the shredder & she has told me I no longer need that picture. And I never wanted my hub to get an OTR position but due to the economy losing 2 jobs previously, this was the only job that was calling him for employment.

The reason I did not want him to get this job is from comments I have been hearing - truck driver is a 11 letter word but so is being a scant chaser, whore chaser a 11 letter word also & I thought we had a good marriage before he did this.

Well I now have woken up & smelled the coffee & NO MORE HOME FIRES BURNING FOR HIM WHEN HE COMES HOME NEXT TIME! I ran into a woman that her hub used to do this for 30 years & she told me it is an addiction for them to be an OTR driver.

Once they get a taste of it, they don't want to come home. She told me there was one time her hub was away from home 16 years!

That is why there is a 17 year difference between her son & daughter. I said WOW to be away 16 years! Crazy! I was thinking of my daughter & I leaving but my aunt told me no to stay & make his life a living hell when he is home!

My daughter will have her friends over & party when he will need sleep before he hits the road & my aunt told me that when he is home for only what 2 days the most, to eat a lot of gassy foods & to put my hair up in those big aluminum rollers, do not apply makeup, etc.

Both my daughter & I are starting to hate him instead of loving him & I no longer ask him what state he is in because when I do ask him all I get is I DON'T KNOW.

Wait a minute, you are driving & you don't know what state you are in. Hmmm, sounds like a few tacos short of a taco platter or the lights are on & no one is home. And when my daughter & I went to bed for the night, we turned off our phones.

I told her that if the doorbell rings or there is a knock on the door, not to answer the door because like my daughter said, yeah we don't want to know or hear if anything has happened to him & both my daughter & I went to bed comfortably & slept well.

Well my daughter slept well. I didn't, knowing that my hub betrayed me & would expect me to be that loving wife when he would come home next knowing damn well what he did to me! Yes I am venting right now & I hope he too stays away for 16 years!

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May 26, 2014
Pathetic NEW
by: Anonymous

So let me get this straight. You believed your aunt over your husband which is mistake number 1. You automatically think he is cheating without hard proof which is mistake number 2. What if that is a friend he is talking to? Yeah, I will agree that him not being in good contact may be a sign of his disinterest but honestly from reading this you EXPECTED him to cheat. You already had it in your head that it was going to happen, probably because of that busybody aunt of yours. You probably had an underlying tone of that when you talked to him on the phone and chances are complained every time you talked to him. That would make me not want to call too. He is out there making a living for his family and you, yes YOU, have made life on the road more appealing than life at home. It isn't a case of addiction it's a case of "What do I have at home waiting on me?" If your daughter shredded that picture so easy and you both started hating him that quick without trying to make his home life better than his road life then you pushed him away. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but not every otr trucker is a cheater and if his or her home life sucks then it is like a vacation from a job being at work. Your marriage was already lost before he went otr. Your lack of willpower and trust pushed your husband into wanting a life away from you. Do yourself a favor and ditch that busybody aunt. She's ruining your life with her "advice". You said the man had to take a trucking job due to lack of jobs, you said you had "heard" that all otr drivers cheat, you keep quoting your aunt's horrible advice. Notice something? He did what he had to do even though you didn't want him which shows right there that you already formed an opinion that it was going to end in cheating and you had the willpower to make that a reality instead of having the willpower to be a loving wife who had a nice home for him to come back to. Bet you complained when he came home about anything and everything too. Probably caused his temper to flare up and make him upset when all he wanted was to come home to a loving wife and a clean bathroom. Then after everything was said and done you did what? Stayed and made his life miserable, told people you had left him while probably fishing for a piece of tail yourself, and made his home life even more undesirable. I don't feel sorry for you because you come off as a spoiled woman who throws a fit when she doesn't get her way and listens to everyone but her husband. I hope you did divorce him because he deserves better than you.

Oct 16, 2013
by: Anonymous

so what DO you define yourself as??

Oct 16, 2013
Situational NEW
by: Jenifer

I think when people are placed in high risk situations (for example, trucking makes it easier to cheat) the character either shines or fails. Do i consider my hubby a cheater, no not by nature. Do I believe it's possible for that to change because our situation has changed and because PEOPLE change, 100% hell yes I do. I don't think being aware makes you lack trust. It's just common sense! Everyone IS capable of cheating as much as they are capable of not cheating because it's really a moment to moment choice based on random opportunity and different factors at those given moments.

Sep 27, 2013
men cheat regardless of occupation NEW
by: Anonymous

so do women. 25 years with my trucker and still going strong...sorry about your luck.

Sep 23, 2013
No not all truckers cheat!!!!!!!
by: Anonymous

Now you are stereo typing husbands who are OTR! Stop whining and divorce him then! I have been married to my husband for 31 yrs!!!

HE HAS NEVER CHEATED ON ME!!!!!! You know there is a stereo type out there that says all truckers wives cheat too!!!!

So maybe he is cheating.... he would have cheated if he was home! Decide what you are going to do and do it!!!

Sep 22, 2013
OTR and Marriage
by: Hervy

So sorry to hear all that you are going through. I can understand why you feel hurt and betrayed. I do agree with the other comment that talking to all of these people about issues in the marriage may not be wise.

Some people don't really think much about what they say or the impact that it might have on the person they are talking to. They also are not aware of their own biases and so they can easily make things worse.

This situation sounds pretty bad. A lot going on. I would make sure not to put thoughts into your daughters head through this ordeal. What she picks up on and understands for herself is another story. That's just my opinion, of course, think about it and do what you want.

Having said all of that, I would say it seems you have a reason to be upset. I think you need to talk to someone who is experienced with helping couple through these types of situations. If he doesn't want to participate, it says a lot.

You still might want to go to get good ideas from a professional from outside of the relationship about how to deal with it based on the full story. (counseling) If nothing else being able to verbalize your frustrations to someone who will just listen and not illicit more emotions of anger would be good for you.

I don't think you need help for getting angry about this. I think you need to talk to someone can help you calm down, relax and breathe. It's a rough moment that you are going through but you sound like a strong woman who will make it through. Keep your head up and if you are a believer pray for strength but don't sit around and do nothing.

Decide what positive, productive steps you will take next to deal with this. Like seeing someone.

All the best

Sep 22, 2013
don't feel sorry for you
by: Anonymous

Sounds like you need a divorce. Oh yea and stop listening to other people. Your marriage was probably a mess before this started.

A true marriage is two people. If they can't communicate and turn to other people they ask for any problems they get. JMO

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