Just so alone
My husband changed jobs in 2013 from wild land firefighter to trucker. He traveled with his last job but was home for 2 months in winter and 2 months in summer plenty of time off. Now he has been gone pretty much all of 2014 and has missed all birthdays except he was home for a week for his own.
I have bought him gifts for holidays and birthday but I have received none.
I have 2 children from a previous marriage and we have 1 child together. I have pretty mush raised my other 2 alone and they see their dad during the summer and Christmas. Now I feel like I am raising another child alone.
We have been married for 6 years and I have never felt so forgotten in a relationship. Yes he calls and talks to me most times it is just 10 or 15 min a day. I see him maybe once a months sometime once every 2 months.
He sees his driver friend with a little girl more than he sees his own. They came with him for his birthday and he acted like the kids and I didn't even exist. He spent yesterday with his driver friend in Missouri for that guys daughters birthday he wasn't even home for his own daughters birthday last year, nor was he home for our anniversary or My birthday.
A few months ago I found out he was talking to strange women that nobody knew on facebook and confronted him about it and he said it was innocent but I looked at his history and found out he was looking up profiles on facebook for porn as well. I decided to let him know how I felt and he did not talk to me for 3 days and then told me he was sorry and he would not do it again.
Now it seems like he is doing it again. He acts like we don't exist and never tries to include us in on anything he does, it really burns my ass. I am so depressed now that the weight just seems to pile on even if I don't eat. I am stressed out enough at home with bills kids and taking care of the house and all of his stuff here that I wonder why I even bother.
He has spent more time with that guy in Missouri and his girlfriend/wife than he has with his family this past year. It disappoints me because it feels like we don't matter and we are less important than his job. When he was at his last job we seemed to be the world to him when he was home now he might be here for 24 hours and then leave for 2 months again or he does a drive by and I go see him for the night.
I am trying my best to keep it together it has been a little over a year since he started driving truck and I am so tired of everything that has changed in him and how he treats our family that I am emotionally broken right now. It is like this job and friends he has met are his new family and all he has to do for us is make money so I can pay the bills and that is all he needs to do. It is like he would rather be out on the road than at home at all.
I know he thinks being a man is taking care of his family no matter what it takes but what if it ruins it in the process. I am tired of trying to be happy when inside I am broken. I told him I would never mention the women on facebook ever again. But inside it hurts so bad and doesn't even know and I want to scream and yell at him and tell him to fuck off.
I feel empty anymore. He doesn't want me to get a part-time job because I wanted to stay home with our little girl because I never got to do that with my boys. I know he is a great man and the best husband a woman can ask for most of the time but affection, love, respect, and acknowledgement that you are important are so very crucial and to be touched and shown that you mean something to him.
I just feel like we don't and that I don't really.I am just ranting and yelling on here because I never do and I just hold it inside and go on. Just wanting to be held and told I love you so much and told that I am a great wife would be so awesome right now.