Is this anxiety normal?
by Jessica Th.
After a year and a half of being single, dealing with bad relationship anxiety and 500 awful first dates I wanted to give up. Then I met my trucker. We met online the end of february, I instantly liked him a lot. That didn't happen often. WE wanted the exact same things, he cared about me and everything that went on in my life, including my 5 year old son. He was OTR and we talked on the phone, texted when he wasnt driving, and skyped before bed every night. We did this for about two months. I live in Michigan and he was originally from there too. Finally after two long months he had a run that went to ohio, so I drove and met him at a truck stop (I know... dangerous. OH well.) We hit it off really well and things were good. I could tell I would be with him a long time.
We still continued to be close and talked every day after. He got home time a couple weeks later and I spend that time with him. That went well but it was rushed and was kind of awkward. It felt like there just wasnt enough time and things were hectic.
After that things seemed to go down hill... we talked less and I got scared, told myself it wouldnt work and ran away. I am good at that. I blocked him off everything and just lived my life for about a month, but I missed him and worried about him so I unblocked him and decided to give him a chance to reach out and if he did then that is a good sign. Not even ten minutes later he communicated with me. I apologized and explained everything to him... He was extremely understanding and just wanted to come home to me. After that we started officially dating and things were good and great even when he was on the road, he became my best friend fast. He wanted to see me more so he applied for day running jobs, he landed a home everyweekend type job for now. He met my son about a month ago and my son absolutely LOVES him. They get along great. He treats us both well and would do anything for us.
Then there is when he comes home...
At first I am so excited to see him and can't wait. IT always feels like christmas morning. When I see him things are great at first but then I get anxious. I get anxious about everything and I just feel like there isnt enough time in the day to do things. I worry my son is bothering him. I worry about the everyday stuff that is normally going on, I feel like I am going crazy. He helps me around the house and cooks with me and everything, but I just feel so lost. I am not sure how to explain it. I don't want to loose him but I just am having a hard time trusting that he is a really good guy. I just don't even really know how to word how I feel. I am not comfortable almost when he is home. I am used to being a very lonely single mother though, and he is very much into helping with everything that it makes me skeptical and uneasy. I do miss him like hell when he isnt home though and would do anything for him. He is a great guy but my emotions are just out of control about this lol. Does any of this make any sense to anyone? Is he just not right for me? I love him and he is my best friend but I just don't like that I can't relax.
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